Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

there is a u tube for everything

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48SrVmlbZpQ

I now agree W, it is 100% hereditary it isn't any of our faults, but so is cancer and we would think someone would be crazy if they inherited a cancer gene and then did not try to be proactive or be on top of trying everything possible to cure it.

It is like a tornado, you can't ask a tornado nicely to go out over the ocean so no one gets hurt, you can't yell, you can't reason with it or even bribe it. It's gonna come and the result is devastation.

Whenever I start thinking how hurt I feel or why doesn't he understand blah blah blah, I realize that it is like saying why is the sky blue, he doesn't get it because he is manic and probably also BPD and Narcissistic.

It shouldn't be my fault and if it's not his fault, who takes responsibility especially for children that are now probably going to inherit it? Be around it more so for sure they have no chance.

Thanks for pissing me off and giving me a bitch slap W, I needed it.

LoL.

Hugs, Zoey. Honestly, walk yourself through going, he is keeping you hooked, IMHO. Are you going to feel better other than feeling like you are supporting him? He knows you are a great person, he knows that you support him.

I think that is the problem in my situation, IMHO. Zoey, Hugs!

Yes, I found out today he was offered a job in a nearby city, but doesn't think he can take it because he currently does not have the gas money to get there. OK? So, he cannot come home, use my gas money for first two weeks for gas to get there, then get paid, and begin contributing to this household as he stated Tuesday he wanted to be able to do. Or, he can continue to live with his unstable son and son's girlfriend, have no job and do nothing productive and contribute to nothing. Hmmmm........seems like an obvious good decision he is making.

Irritated!

Post edited by: Zoey2699, at: 07/19/2012 06:48 PM

Zoey, I noticed that my future x h is very OCD to the point where he looses the logic in what he is doing. Like he drastically changed after he saw the attorney when I said I wanted to separate. He has followed the one hour consultation instructions, like if she does this, do this.

He keeps saying he is going to document my refusing visitation. But, doesn't even understand the concept. I told him we don't have an agreement yet and if we can't agree before their is an agreement, it is just that a disagreement.

It is almost like one other member said, it is like a game of chess and they are obsessed with moving the pieces. I think my H wants to win, but I think he gets caught up with his next move and doesn't see the forest through the trees.

At first, the utilities being shut off and him cutting us off financially really disturbed me, but then I realize that he is doing what his attorney said to do. "It's beyond my control" is what the attorney said to say. He keeps saying that over and over. "I'm trying to minimize contact with you, over and over.

I know that they are more susceptible to outside influences with manic, but you know what? Screw this! If my H files for divorce while manic what else the Hell can he do?

I am detaching like an avalanche!

Yes, he also wanted a divorce years ago....twice. Came back once after about a summer apart (seems he does this frequently in Spring or early Summer...last one in January was odd timing for him). Then when I was dating someone else for awhile, he came begging for me back. Second time, right at the start of summer......he said he wanted a divorce. Then backtracked to a separation......I told him it is either marriage or divorce, no in between again. He chose divorce. Weeks later, he barrages me saying, "You did this! You wanted a divorce, not me!" Gave him a letter with a timeline, if I did not hear from him by such and such a date I was assuming divorce and proceeding. Heard nothing, so forward I went. We were doing this all pro se and with a marital settlement agreement. I pick up the agreement I assumed he signed from his work, go home, and see he has not signed on condition he wants the dishes his mother gave us. Seriously!?! I was so spitting mad.....I called him up screaming to come get his stupid dishes. Like, really? This little technicality? I did not want the dishes, nor had he even asked for them. The whole event made no sense to me whatsoever. After that, the rest of the divorce went amicably.

I just returned from his softball game. I was totally ignored and my presence not even acknowledged. He mentioned it to me this morning and said I could come if I wanted, I did not ask to be invited. I do not get it. I am done with the softball games for now. Unless he comes back home I will not attend, invited or not. I'm starting to put my foot down a bit now.

It is still driving me nuts trying to figure out why he was checking the bank account this morning and did not go sign off as promised. WHY??? Yet, not touching a penny of it either. I did not pass this on to his son's girlfriend at the game tonight as I do not want it passed on to him that I am watching the account carefully. At this point, I figure the less he knows I know, the better for me.

Post edited by: Zoey2699, at: 07/19/2012 06:45 PM

Post edited by: Zoey2699, at: 07/19/2012 06:46 PM

zoey

that is un nerving.

Very unnerving. He also told someone, "Home is not good for me right now". Hmmmm........ just seems to be a repeat of everything he did in January, except stronger this time, and thus far, last a bit longer.

Z, I noticed the same pattern, each time he was "allowed" to leave and return (I see I allowed him to leave each time and come back), his behavior has gotten worse.

Cat once told me that whatever their pattern is they repeat IF YOU LET THEM.

I am confused though, did you divorce? If so, why do you still have a joint bank account?

We divorced in 1997. We reunited around Thanksgiving 2010. I had a bank account, and he signed onto it in 2011. So, yes we have a joint account, then one I opened separately when he recently left. I am keeping most funds in the separate account right now, until he signs off on the joint one, then was going to go back to using the original account since there are a lot of automatic withdrawals, etc... coming out of that account. Bank has had form waiting for him that he just needs to sign. He has not yet.

He told someone yesterday, "Home is not good for me right now." Why? Because home offers love, support, stability? He wants to do things for himself independently but cannot do that here? He is totally dependent in his son's home right now. Son does not work. Only the son's girlfriend works, there are 4 kids in that house, they allow people over all day and all night and allow anyone to stay there if they need a place. There is constant fighting and chaos in that home. Not to mention son is a heavy marijuana smoker and when around his son, is only time my boyfriend does it. Basically, it is a dysfunctional party house. So is this why home is not good for him right now? Because he feels like he is not independent and contributing to this household? Or is it because he can live it up, have no responsibilities and do whatever he pleases there?

Mind you, his son hates me! I do not know why....we used to get along fine. Then shortly after we got back together, son just turned on me, for no reason apparent to me. I know his son is fueling a lot of this. Son is un-diagnosed bi-polar with an extremely volatile temper. I get along with the son's girlfriend. She does believe the son is messing with his mind even more. I do not know what to think.