Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I have noticed we have a lot of new people on that are now dealing with their BPSO. I thought it would be interesting to post where each of us are now. whether it is 2 weeks after your "incident" that brought you here, or three months like me, or a year or longer.

My wife was Bipolar. I did not find out till we were a year into our relationship. Even when I found out, I thought the depression was the worst of it. Back in March she started acting funny (I work out of state during the week), and I found out she had been off her meds for a month. A little over a week later I found out she had been sleeping with a guy that she picked up in a bar during the week while I was out of town.

At first, I was devastated. She had been the love of my life and my best friend. I was in shock, but my brother and father made me go ahead and get seperation and divorce papers signed while she was cooperative. I am lucky they did that.

The first month I was torn up thinking she was a victim of her illness and surly she did not know this could happen. That eventually when she came down from the mania she would be shocked and horrified at what she had done. I tried calling her doctor and I left several voice mails and sent a letter telling the doctor everything that had happened. I could not sleep past 3am every night and I was having stress issues.

The second month I found out that this was not her first manic episiode. Matter of fact, she told me this was not even in the top 5 of her worst manic episodes. I also found out that she had told me lies all the way back the beginning of our relationship. I was starting to get better. I started going to a therapist. I continued talking to friends and decided to start putting down roots in the community I have been working in. Finding activities to do and setting up new rituals like going out for breakfast on Saturday mornings gave me something to look forward to. I moved foward with the Divorce.

I am a little over three months now. I sleep through most nights. It is easier to practice no contact. The divorce is now official. I do have my moments like this week where I miss her. But I have to remind myself that there are too many bad memories and and I am remembering only the good times. Times that may not have been real due to her lies and chamealon nature. I have a few more friends in the area, and am getting to know them better.

She does not try to contact me at all, though the only way she can now is through email or snail mail. I have her blocked on my phone and facebook. The last contacts I had from her she was calling me a sicko for trying to hold onto her because she felt the divorce was not going fast enough. I was the only one that did any work on the divorce, her only contribution was to sleep with somebody.

So, three months in, I can tell you it does get better. Each month makes it a little easier to handle.

I would love to hear from others and where they are now. Ones that had to move on, and ones that were able to get their BPSO to seek help.

After a 24 year marriage my wife had a nervous breakdown and eventually diagnosed as bipolar, a diagonosis she still refuses to accept. After taking care of her through four suicide attempts in two years, she turned on me an accused me of abuse and got kicked out of the house through a restraining order. Now we are going through the nastiest divorce you could ever think of. I discovered this site about two years after her diagnosis.

sadsad

Well, I joined this group in December of 11, although I has lurked for a couple of months. My hubby is bp 1. He had the original episode ((psychotic) at age 20. We met age 21. He was unmedicated at the time but normal to me. After finding a bottle of lithium he told me the story of everything including his dx, but he didn't think he really had it anymore. I was clueless. About 6-8 months later we started arguing a lot and on his own he went to the pdoc and got some medicine. I couldn't even tell you what it was. I also got some medicine for my new dx of depression.

His pdoc told him with his issues and mine, a marriage would never work. We were in love and decided that we could use it to our advantage that we could understand what the other was going thru, battling those kind of issues and we had enough experience of counseling between us that we could talk out anything! Lol.

I got divorced, pregnant, and married within a year. He was the most supportive loving, kind man you have ever met. I am not joking that I had bliss from 1996 until 2005. (9yrs)

In 05 our youngest son had a brain hemorage and my hubby collapsed on the helicopter pad. My son was healed and woke up 3 days later. My hubby however had a manic episode. A bad one, I'll spare you the details. After the summer in the hospital, me and son returned home to pure choas. A week later my other son had a soda bottle explode in his face. (long story) life flight again. I am lucky again. God is good. Internal bleeding both eyes and stitches all over his face but he healed quickly and now you would never even know it. Meanwhile my husband lost his mind similar to y' all 's. Stories.

I told him he was going to the doctor or me and the boys were leaving. He did. Changed med and in about a month he was nearly back to his normal. Fast forward 6 yrs to fall of 11. I had seen it coming on since summer of 10. Nobody would believe me. Not the stupid doc, our friends, or anyone else on the planet. After he wiped out our bank account I was at my witts end.

I found you guys.

Now 9 months later he, I believe is over the episode. He is kind and thoughtful and my husband again.

No change of med. He denys it was a full blown episode. We are in counseling.

I want to scream. He, the counselor, and myself all know it will cycle back again. I know it will come sooner and will be worse. They are asking me to be patient and work this together one day at a time. I almost didn't "survive" the last one. Not physically, but I had a nbd and nearly lost my mind. I cannot go thru it again.

I still want to scream. I can't bring myself to leave my handsome, sexy, kind, currently stable husband. I can't decide if I'm weak or strong. It sucks.

4 months ago (tomorrow, yah!!! anniversaries are special) my ex kicked me out. He no longer wanted to be in a relationship, he wanted to see other people, do other things, get in trouble, etc. We had been together for twelve years and married for a year and a half. He had told me before we were married that he was "manic depressive" but that it was caused by alcohol, so he didn't drink. After being kicked out and speaking with a therapist, I gained some insight on bipolar disorder and I joined this group.

I tried contacting his family to get him help and they didn't really respond to me. I found out recently from him that his mother was primarily concerned about if he had retained the Kitchen Aid mixer we received as a marriage gift. THAT was her major concern. And heck yes, I did take it. I was the one who wanted it and who cooks.

Last month he started to freak out and contacted me a bunch of times at work, home, any way possible. Said he wanted to get on his hands and knees and beg forgiveness, he made a mistake. I told him I wasn't interested. Then, something really bad happened to me and I broke my vow to not see him. I needed support at that time, and I wasn't thinking clearly. I let him back into my life for about two weeks. He is really big on boasting about his manic accomplishments. He likes to tell me about all of the women who would be jealous if they knew he was speaking to me. He is big on denying he is bipolar. I guess he wiki'd Depakote (the medication he used to be on) and saw it is prescribed for seizures and is saying that is why he was prescribed it. I asked him, so.... do you have seizures? Dead silence.

I regained some sense and felt I was getting sucked back in. I told him I wasn't interested in a relationship - any type - now or in the future. I wished him the best of luck, and I haven't spoken to him again.

In this moment, I am excited to move forward with my own life. I feel like my ex is a soul mate but he was born in a body that had an imbalance. I hope next lifetime we can be together, but we will see. He talks about fate a lot too. I think he is convinced we will get together after this. I am done though. I am ready for a whole new direction.

My husband and I recently seperated- although we have seperated several times in the past, set conditions, went to therapy, tried hard, and have ended back where we always do. My husband had his "first" real episode Nov. 2010- I had no idea he was BP at the time, neither did he.. (although I assume he suspected it) Fast forward another year to Feb 2012 he was diagonsed with Mixed BPII and is a rapid cycler.. We fought daily, constantly, over stupid and small things- I became sick alot, months of sickness and feelings of having the flu lasted for a long legnth of time.. I was diagonsed with fibromyagia and chronic depression...I actually went to the pdco myself because my husband had me convinced I had BP as well and thats when she said I didn't have BP but I suffered from a chronic depression.. I have suffered from depression from an early age- however, for years I had been able to manage it. I believe the stress my husband caused our marriage finacially, emotionally, physically it took its toll on my body. I became pregnant and during the first 8 weeks of pregnancy they had to take me off my fibro meds and depression meds and having the hormonal changes my body felt like it went into shock. Long story short 4 weeks ago my husband "raged" on me and I told him if it happened again he needed to move out.. Just a few weeks ago my husbands moods began to visibly cycle much more rapidly... It was causing so many issues in our home. He would start a fight and then tell me he is sick of me starting fights, he would say mean and hurtful things and then turn around and deny he said them or he would see how hurtful they really were.. I had enough, I found MDJ and the first few people I spoke with gave me a lot of insight on how dangerous and how unstable my marriage really was (theres a lot to my story) and advised me to make a list of conditions.. I made the list, although since giving it to him I have decided I have given him conditions before and he has never stuck to them so what would be different this time. I made a choice to proceed with the divorce. If my husband was willing to complete to a smooth and sharp 180 I would be willing to work things out- however during the time we have been seperated I have found him in several lies.. My trust has been shattered and smashed and ran over time and time again.. So as of right now my faith in him is very little.

MDJ has helped me regain my sense of self... It's help me vent and see our history written out- which has helped me see how serious all of this truly is... I have been able to be completely honest about issues because Im not scared of being judged here- there has been some very personal things happen with me and my husband that I haven't shared with even my best friend.

I feel comfortable knowing the ones giving advice on here have come from situations and really have wonderful insight on how to manage and get through tough times..

I feel without MDJ I would be wollowing in self pity, trying to fix my husband as I always have, I'd try and control the situation and keep things in line so we appeared happy to the out sider looking in, I'd be jealous (my husband stopped giving me attention months ago), I'd feel weak, vunerable, and he would continue to brainwash me as he has done for the last 3 years. My children would continue to live in disfunction because thats all I have ever known. The horrible negative list would continue on....

HOWEVER!!! My story won't continue on that negative path.. With help from others showing me how to live in a healthy way is teaching me how to make better choices.

I am filling legal seperation today I feel good about my choice (although there is some saddness inside) I know I cannot live a life in misery expecting myself to be happy.... I can't live in chaos expecting peacefulness... I can't live in anger and expect to feel loved... I can't live in mistrust and expect to trust and believe. My foundation was cracked from the begining... I haven't had something solid to work with.. And now, its time for my children to see that now that I am on the road to being healthy and whole..

Silver: Interesting question.... very interesting answers....

We were married 10 years before my husband was diagnosed after being hospitalized for a suicide attempt... Neither one of us knew that he was BP, but it sure as hell explained a lot of his prior behaviors...

It took finding a really good pdoc and five years to get the meds right...

Now it's another 10 years later and I'm completely fed up. Does he take his meds? Yes. Are they the total answer? No. I can't get out of here fast enuf. I've served 25 years, a life sentence in most jurisdictions.