Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

So in a horois turn of events, my husband finally went to the ER Monday morning to tell them that he had a detailed plan to kill himself. Of course, when the admissions nurse called me at work, I was floored. This is our first experience with suicidal thoughts. So they have dropped and added some meds but really didn't start until he was there 3 days. THen today at 4:15pm in the afternoon, I get a call saying that his insurance will no longer pay for his care. He has to be discharged or we have to pay the bill to stay there. We are in debt so much form this already.

The psychistrist called because I was pissed they were releasing him in his current state. She told me that I could always bring him back over the weekend if he was suicidal. So I guess if he is sucessful in taking his own life over the weekend, I should send the bills to the insurance company. What is that all about? They only care of he is going to kill himself. The pdoc also said that is my husband gets violent at all or with me that i can call 911. All those years of medical school and that is the advice I get. No shit, sherlock! But if he gets violent with me, couldn't that be too late.

And then my husband called me from the hospital, saying "the nurse told me your were upset that I was coming home..................do you want me to go to a hotel?" What is that about? I am going to lodge a complaint on Monday about that one. I can't understand what good she thought she was doing by telling him that. Certainly isn't helping me at all. I am so angry right now. Thankfully, my daughter is spending the night over someone's house tonight. She jsut didn't want to be around him. Can't blame her much.

Sorry for the rant but I am really frustrated.

Yep. I agree that is crap. I hate that you have to deal with this. I hope that the med adjustment will do the trick. Maybe it will! Cross that decision bridge when you come. To it. Deal with it day by day or minute by minute. Stay safe. Maybe you or someone else will come up with a great idea. I suck with good ideas.

Right now I am in the "be nice to me or I'm leaving " mode. Probably not very mature of me but it is what it is. I'm working on becoming strong and creating healthy boundaries. It's a slow process for me.

I hope things turn out good for you. Hang in there.

I think that is a great mode to be in. You can't take on your SO illness. You can't own it. It is their to take hold of and work with. You are simply there to be supportive of their efforts. Stay safe. This is a really sucky hand to be dealth. But please know that their are many others out there is different steps of this process. I have derived so much empowerment from reading about other peoples stories and how best I can handle myself in this journey. I will most likely not be married for long and I HATE to say that. But I am 39 years old with two kids that deserve a happy upbringing and less stressful living environment. And I do too!

I am 38. My kids are half grown ages 18 and 15. Oldest will ship navy in Sept and my youngest followed my so around and they enjoy the same things . Would I really leave now? No. That is the sucky part. If I did, my income would go with me to pay the rent on a new place. We wld loose our beautiful place here and I would live closer to town somewhere. My youngest son would stay with my so bc of his choice, where wld they live, and I couldn't let that happen especially if another episode was to strike.

I feel defeated like a whipped dog. That's why I don't feel qualified to give good ideas because I'm a walking hypocrite. It feels as bad as the bp. Think and want one thing. Know the healthy truth, but do something totally different. That sucks too. Sigh.

Oh. Been married 16 yrs. Not all of it was bad. Much of it was good. I read this week that after 3 episodes it will start getting getting closer together and get worse. He is on medicine but it is not keeping him stable at the moment bc the bp broke thru last year. I think the "episode is over" for now bc he is like his regular normal now. I know another one is coming. I know it will get worse unless an act of God heals him. Unfortunately he is not praying for a miracle.

Cry sniff.sniff.

Ok tho. I'm going to get thru this day by day. I will grow, learn, and make better decisions. I know you guys care and are praying and thinking of me, as I am all of you. That's why its called a support group. We are trying to support each other best we can!

I think, at this point, I am so afraid I will talk myself out of a separation if the medication changes make him feel better. I am afraid that I will succumb to the fantasy of "my real husband" returning. I just don't think that I could withstand, day in and day out, waiting to be blamed for all of this, or called names or yelled at.

I am 39, have been married 15 years and have two girls, ages 9 and 13. This is really effecting my 13 year old. She has a lot of my husband's tendencies. She has sufferred with high anxiety since she was 6. I am very aware of the fact that she is susceptible to becoming bipolar That is why I am very conscious of her managing her stress and helping her whatever way can. She is seeing a couselor at school and she is getting ready to start outside couseling as well. But she is just really mad at him. She hates the way he treats her and she is really mad at how he treats me.

For the whole week while he was in the hospital, I have tried to talk to her about this situation and how her affect and reactions can dictate the mood he is in. She just wants to avoid him and stay away from him. How do I convince that he is always going to be her Dad but he is just really sick.

forfor.....you are not a hypocrite. I can see how you could be stuck in this situation. I am confident that if things got bad enough, you would do is right for you and your kids. Up until this point, I have been an emotional hostage to my husband. When he was manic and yelling, I would walk away crying. But I had it in my head that if I left, he would get worse or even take his own life. How could I live with having to tell my kids their father was dead? And when he is not manic or depressed, he is in a good mood and I fear talking about a separation will put him right back into an episode.

I keep feeling like I am going crazy because I can't decide when the right time to talk to him is. But from being on here, I now understand that if he hurts himself if won't have anything to do with me and it won't matter if I live with him or not.

My new motto as of this week is "I am only capable of doing today." Tomorrow will come and bring what it will. Today is all I can deal with right now. I hate living this way because I am a planner but that con't work with my husband's illness right now.

I meant what I said when i took my wedding vows but i don't remember saying that I agreed to give up my entire way of life and belief system to stay married to a person who, often, doesn't know who he is himself.

Stay strong!

I too, am very committed. We are in counseling, I just wish we met more often. I have single therapy too. I told her if my so couldn't acknowledge or face bp I could not stay. When he is in episode he is nasty mean and makes me feel unsafe. My so will not admit the hell I just went thru these last 8 months. If he doesn't adjust his meds, he will get worse. He apparently honestly thinks we just went thru a rough spot in out marriage.

Wow. Are you kidding me????

No. I will not endure that crap on purpose ever again. That means he has to face this monster. If he does not deal with it then the first sign I am out of there. I am learning in counseling how insecure he is. How disappointed he is in himself. I would have never known. Other than his episode in 05, he has been a rock.

As all of you know and have experienced yourselves, my so is smart as hell. He is resourceful and really is talented. Bp stole it from him. He has not reached his job/career goals because bp screws him up. I am desperate for him to realize that if he tried to stabilize the bp I really feel he would be successful.

I'm sorry I'm the breadwinner. I'm sorry I don't struggle the same ways he does! He can't be mad or jealous of me because BP IS NOT MY FAULT. I'M SORRY HE HATES IT AND IT REALLY SUCKS.

We and very much I have my own struggles. It freakin sucks but we all have to deal with crap and tough times. My own personal and emotional and health issues suck too. I can't fix this for him by ignoring and tolerating his mean ass behavior. Matter of fact, it enables it.

Making him more sick is not the answer. His lack of self awareness blows but I can't fix it. He has to work on staying cognoscent of his own mood with only encouragement from me. We all have choices and I'm sick of him asking me to do it for him because he just can't. If he can't , then maybe that's a clue.

Sorry my friends. This rant was towards myself. I had a moment and had to let it out! Goodness