Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I think some of you may have read my story already. My ex decides to try and move out of my house three times in less than two weeks. It got insane. Last time was on mothers day because I got upset that he couldn't even say happy mother's day or get me a card. As we were on our way to my family's home to celebrate mother's day, he flips out into a massive rage and tells me he's moving his things out, to take him back to my house, he is moving out, etc. Goes insane, literally. This was the third and final time, after me sticking by him after a year of him trying to get off opiates, going into rehab, getting clean, etc. I just couldn't take it anymore. I literally pulled my car over on mother's day as I'm sitting there listening to him call his friend to come pick him up because I got upset that he didn't wish me a happy mother's day. WTF! As you all know, it's been two years of roller coaster rides and pure hell. I couldn't take it. I kicked him out of my car and made him wait on the side of the road to have his friend pick him up. Why should I have ruined any more of my holiday driving him all over the place so he could move out for the third time in less than two weeks on mother's day. No thanks!

Of course, I was pissed off that day. It had been two nights previous to this that he swore to not do this to me again. Any time we had gotten into an argument about anything he would fly off into a rage, only to run away and not speak to me for days! After mother's day, I sent him an email explaining to him that he owed me money for my carpets being cleaned because his dog went to the bathroom several times IN the house and I needed to get them cleaned, that I was not going to ask him for it again. If he wanted to pay me, he could, if not, that's fine too. I went on to tell him how horrible of a person he's been for two years. That was the end of it.

More than three weeks have gone by with no contact. I've been very hurt, trying to get over the drama and the chaos and trying to accept the fact that this person I've spent this much time with and fell in love with is just truly ill and behaves abusively. I get an email today out of the blue that has nothing in the body of the email. It literally only has a subject line in it that says:

"I'll be sending you a check soon"

WTF! I am not responding to this. If you wanted to send a check, then you would have sent it. Why bother me now? Why only send an email saying that to get a response out of me. No apology. No sorry I was absolutely out of my mind and a complete as-hole to you. Nothing.

If this were any other time in the last two years, I would have responded. It is so hard not to. . . but I won't, I can't. I am stronger now. This sucks.

You're right not to respond. You're doing great! My wife sent me an email last week saying she was going to send my stuff. Guess what still not in my mailbox?. It's all a game to them.

I'm so incredibly irritated right now. I just need to post here what I want to say to him in an email which I will NOT do:

- just send the check! why do you have to send me a stupid email with only a subject line? I know why. Because you want a reaction out of me. Because you know that any other time in two years you behaved like a complete as--hole and sh--t all over me and then decided to send an email because I blocked you from calling or texting, I responded.

- how about you grow up and just send the check along with an apology for your piss poor behavior over the last two years. Oh, I know why. Because you are now three weeks later realizing that I'm not beating your door down trying to figure out if you're ok, if you still care or if you are just having another "episode". Oh, I know why. Because I've repeatedly told you that you need to stop walking out on me, to stop throwing your rages over trivial things, to stop ignoring me when we argue because it's abusive. But you continually direspect my boundaries and expect me to give you a responsee and to allow you to come back into my life to only treat me like your doormat whenever you feel the need to walk out on me again!

I'm so mad right now.

Anger is good. It helps us get through this.

madi,

Be pissed because yeah...you should be. But don't hold out for that apology. For one it's probably not coming. But even if it did it would be a crack in the armor and his way back in. Don't do it. Don't look at it as him owing you an apology. Look at it as you not owing it to him to listen to any apology he might come up with. Seriously, after all of that would an apology mean much?

My husband, "Apologizes" all the time in theory. He says he's sorry but his actions don't correspond. What I want(ed) was a sincere apology and change in behavior. Not lip service. I suspect that's what you want too? You know he's not there...not now. Maybe never. Don't wait around thinking it will come.

I agree completely. One of the last things I told him was to not apologize to me because it would not mean anything. I feel better now. Have calmed down. Have realized if this were the person I was a few months ago I would have been so happy he finally contacted me or I would have still been angry and responded with something angry. That would have started the crazy making again. I guess I've come a long way. Further than I thought. He pushed me past my breaking point those last three recycling attempts in less than two weeks. For that I should thank him. Thanks to all of you. I'm so glad I found this forum. These stories have helped me tremendously.