Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I am so tired of the infidelity issues with my husband. I have been with him for fourteen years and it never seems to stop. I can never let my guard down. He is constantly in need of attention and will seek it anywhere. Some of it is simply talking to other women about sex but the point is that when this happens I always take a backseat to whoever he is trying to impress at the time. I love him but it is getting harder and harder to go on each day. The most recent one is 19....19 I am 40 how do I even compete with that?

I am in the same boat as you, My Boyfriend of 10 years is in constant need of attention from other women, even tho i tell him at least 60 times a day(no exageration) that i think he is the sexiest guy in the world. it does not seem to matter in the least. 5 years straight he has been faithful, then out of nowhere he started a relationship with a very sleezy girl who kept telling him how good he looked. he up and left me telling me all kinds of lies that he wasnt with another blah blah blah. turned out the girl just wanted him for sex(he was number 43 on her list apparently). Took everything in me to take him back. after everything we talked about everything and i mean EVERYTHING that has been bothering the both of us and found that he has been talking with a few girls and had even contact a few old booty call friends in the past 5 years.. i dont understand how men can say women are so needy when they cant even see how much they seem to need. ugh! frustrates me to no end. have you tried to straight out ask him whats going on and to be completly honest with why he feels he needs to do this? maybe he has insecurities about himself and needs to find a better way of getting his fix of attention spurts he need. It's not fair to you that he does this.When men do this it makes you feel like your not good enough that they need to look elsewhere. I find it so dang hard to trust anytime he goes outside. OR when he uses his phone and kinda hides it as he types. or when he bring it to the bathroom. sorry for the rant just a really touchy subject in my life right now(this happend in late jan early feb so its still fresh)

Infidelity is awful. It was strange my wife was always jealous of me. She even had me destroy all the pictures of old female friends that I was never even romantic with. But it was my wife that eventually cheated and then I found out she cheated on her first marriage too.

The worst part was she cheated in our home in our bed while I was at work out-of-state.

Silver, infidelity is so emotionally catastrophic. My husband cheated on me with other men. I don't have any frame of reference to address if I would have been more or less hurt if it had been other women but I can tell you it completely shattered me.

I don't know what your experience has been. If you've gone to counseling with her but I'm sick to death of therapists explaining away my husbands infidelity and sexual identity issues by telling me, "He can't help it. He's bipolar. It's the hypersexual phase of the mania." Great...so it is. It's like they want to hand me this pat answer and I should be able to move on. Well I can't. I can't help it. Your hypersexual manic episodes of homosexual infidelity broke me into a billion little pieces and when I glued myself back together I forgot to add the piece that still loved you.

Moonpiemoma. We never went to counseling because things seemed fine before she went manic. We rarly fought. And after she cheated, there was no chance. I moved out right away. She said she would not stop seeing him and would just bring him home again when I went back to work. She had him at the house several times and had introduced him to her kids (my step kids). If I had not found them together, I guess she expected the kids to cover for her. She probably had not even thought that far ahead. Her brother was staying with us (he is the one that finally called me and told me what was going on while I was out of state) and he said the kids were crying themselves to sleep at night while she was in our bedroom with this guy.

She is still with the guy. Turns out he is bipolar as well. She is obessed with him. She told me in a text back in the beginning of this "We made a soul connection. I feel Godsmacked. He is my....Everything. I want his touch all the time, I want him in me all the time too. I am his, he is mine." She called in sick for an entire week at work so she could hang out at the bar he works in all day. She spends every spare moment she has there. Her kids thing she does not care about them anymore. Unfortunatly their dad will not step up and get them out of there.

I am finding there are a lot of bad therapists out there. Which sucks. If your therapist is telling yall that, then they are idiots. It is a condition that can be controlled with medication and actions such as getting sleep, charting moods, and not drinking. Just saying it is not his fault is idiotic. And not realistic. When I thought my wife did not have a clue this could happen to her, I kind of thought the same thing. I thought it was her first manic episode. But it turns out she has had them before. She even said this was not in her top 5 worst. at that point, once they are aware, and still let it happen, then it is their fault.

I dont think you forgot to add the piece that you still loved him. He stole it. It is not your fault at all. Dont forget that!

......and why do you put up with the infidelity????? SeeeeeeYahhhh! I do not understand it. I can understand maybe one time under very tempting unsual situation that one might find it in ones heart to heal and forgive. But why put up with this emotional abuse. To me bipolar or not...it would be enough to call it a deal breaker and get out.

sadsad.....please tell me what I am missing here

Silver, ugh yeah. Nothing worse than one unmedicated Bipolar than 2 of them together. They're just validating each other's sick way of thinking...or not thinking. I am so sorry you had to go through that and it breaks my heart to read about her kids. Kudos to her brother for telling you. That's a shitty position to be in and so many people lack the balls.

I don't let therapists excuse his behavior. I worked in mental health care with teens who had lived through horrific abuse and neglect and despite their various diagnoses they were not allowed to use a diagnosis as a reason for unacceptable behavior. Guess what? 14 yrs after I started working there, (8 since I left) I have young adults tracking me down on facebook who are healthy, educated, maintaining relationships, raising children and living productive lives. Many of them are diagnosed BP but a lot of them had bigger diagnoses, diagnoses that are supposed to be an automatic YOU FAIL in life like Reactive Attatchment Disorder.

Luckily my experience working there also gave me some insight into yes, there are a lot of craptastic therapists and when you get one of those you need to get the hell out. But seriously, every one we've tried in town? Shit. The last one was the worse and has me gunshy. And aside from that I'm just done. Not one cell of my being is willing to try anymore with him. Everything in me just wants to be happy again and I know that's not going to happen if I stay. His BP diagnois is his to deal with, not mine...it's like I get to be cured of the disease!

I hope you find your happiness again. I hope joy tastes even sweeter after living without it. You're very inspiring and reading your posts makes me want to be as strong as you are. I also hope someone steps in to help her kids. Even if it takes contacting CPS. I'm going to keep them and you in my prayers. Peace.

I AGREEE sadsad!! And finding 'it in ones heart to heal and forgive' would ONLY be if they were truly remorseful, were seeking forgiveness, and did WHATEVER it took to gain back your trust!

Thanks moonpie. I appreciate the kind words and the prayers. I will be happy again. I am already a lot better then I was a month ago. I am also starting to build a social life here where I am working. It is now my home. I have joined meetup.com it is a listing of social groups that you can search by interest and location. It has everything from movie clubs, to dinner clubs, to winetasting clubs and other things. I think as I gain friends in the area, things will get easier. My whole life was focused on my wife and my step kids. I could not have made it through without mdjunction, and the friends I have that called me everynight to check on me. I hate to think what would have happened if I had not had anybody or anything to turn to.

Sadsad and lifeishard. For me, I could have forgiven my wife the one infidelity if it had been a one time occurance becase she did not know how bad her illness could get, and she was willing to take steps to make sure it never happened again. But once it was known that she was aware how bad it could get, and still did not do what she should, and once it came out that she had also cheated on her first husband (after telling me the whole time he had cheated on her and she hated cheaters) it became something I could not work through. I have to have trust in my spouse and partner. That is what I want, a partner.

OMG 19 !

That is someones daughter.

I can understand, one account..deal and forgive

but repeated ?

Deal breaker .

Furthermore

with a 19 year old GIRL

Really ?

That makes the Grandmother in me mad as hell.

To continue being with this guy

is enabling .

Giving him the message that you are OK with it.

I know these are strong words

and I apologize for any offense this post may bring you.

I am missing something too..

I cannot imagine

**HI HONEY IM HOME I JUST F***** A 19 YEAR OLD GIRL.**

I am not so sure, I could stop myself from throwing up as he hit the door at high speed on the end of a 12ga

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 06/01/2012 04:22 PM