Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Cali: I spoke to my friend 'Blender' today, who also lives in CA. She agrees with the others--Get a TRO as quickly as possible. And even though it might be against the law to change the locks, she says that it is OK to add ANOTHER lock to your exterior doors....

I AM TELLING YOU (in a nice way),it is not "illegal" to change the locks on your own door, IT IS NOT A CRIME!!! I don't care what the cops said, they just don't want to deal with it. That is their job, to prevent conflict if possible. If it was their sister, they would tell her to change the locks. He has a right to "access" the home, if he wanted, but your are within your legal rights to change the locks. He has been gone and is not safe to be around. IT IS DENYING ACCESS that is the issue. Don't worry about this detail, be safe. You do not want to be asleep and hear the door opening, believe me. What would the police charge you with? Nothing. NEVER going to happen - unless your husband is the Mayor or Senator there. Even at that, the cops would just make you give him a set of keys.

I would (and have) changed everything I could to my name, again, nothing wrong with it. You have got to be smart and think of yourself (not saying you are not). Good luck, and get a locksmith!

I think the lock is broken and you would give him a key if he wanted one.

Read between the lines.

ok.

here is what i know about this lock issue.

yes you can change the locks on your home if your name is on the lease or mortgage.

the issue in the state of California is denying access .

get an emergency, temp. TRO. This can be done in one day.

call the county clerks office and ask them where you can do this.

i see more than bipolar going on here.

i am concerned for your safety.

keep posting

get that emergency tro

we are here for you

Livinginablender: thank you for your words. Im trying to process and take everything in, feels like this is still not happening. Haven't heard or seen him in over one week now. I know what I have to do.

What do you mean with " More going on than bipolar?"

UPDATE: Almost 2 weeks have past since I spoke and saw my husband. During this time I have had no contact with his family either. Today I received a letter in the mail from his doctor. He has not came to any his appointments since he was released on the 14th. He had an appointment 2 days after he was released that he said he was going to but I know now he didnt.

I just called his moms house (she doesnt pickup when I call from my cell, but I guess she didnt know my housetel#). So I told her first of all about the letter and she is just saying that "he is grown" and can decide himself if he should go. She said he has been staying with her from on and off, but told me he wasnt there when I called. She didnt wanna say if he had been working or not, just said that I have to talk to him. She probably thinks I want the money.

Then she said what scared me the most - that "he has always been like this". I didnt even know what to respond. Is she talking about the loving, kind, hardowrking person that has been my husband for the past 3 years?

I know she is ill too. Never diagnosed but from what I could tell definitively depression, maybe schizo/BP. I just dont know what to do. Now I know that he is getting probably worse by the day being over there. And she's definitively feeding things in his head.

Even if she for some reason hates me, please tell me this isn't a "normal" reaction?

I feel like I'm breaking into pieces, don't know what to do.

I don't know if I would call it "normal". But I do find that friends and family that have been with our loved ones that are bipolar for a long time have usually stuck their heads in the sand and just try to ignore the problem. Some of my wife's friends just think she's going through a midlife crisis. When I spoke to her dad ihis response was " well she's an adult and I try not to get involved in my kids lives. Her mother did the same thing."

It is so frustrating!

Just came from my husbands moms house. I don't think he was there because I didn't see the see outside but who knows. The door was open with the screen door closed. I knocked it and someone ( think I heard his moms voice) shut the door in my face and locked it. I left a notebook outside for my husband. I doubt he will get it.

I haven't really cried for a week or so, been just feeling empty. In the car on my way home I completely lost it. So scary. I don't know what else I can do now.

Cali: Add another deadbolt... Then get a dog. I will never live without another dog again. They are the best ADT mechanism in the world--ADT? Attack Dog Technology....

Do you have any idea how genetic mental illness is????? When the family takes them in, sucks them in, they're 'accepted' for their mental illness.

I know that there is about 10% chance of passing schizophrenia from a mother to her child, if that is what he has. I already have a killer chihuahua/shi tzu mix. Better than a pitbull, trust me.

I feel a little better today I think. Got some type of closure yesterday.