My DH has been diagnosed with bipolar & depression for about 5 yrs, although I've lived with him for 26, I can look back and see how some of the mild symptoms were there from the beginning.
He was on meds, but was feeling good, so stopped taking them. I was at the appointment and his dr warned him that a stressful situation would not be good for him off his meds. He didn't like the side effects, so he stopped.
We were doing really well. All systems go, but when the meds were coming out of his system, he started to become depressed...not feeling fulfilled by his job, hating the house & property which he used to love. I think his trigger might have been the week prior, where he had a super stressful business trip overseas. It taxed him to the max both physically and mentally and he could not pull out of it. I had never seen him so exhausted. He admitted that he didn't know what was wrong with him. I pleaded with him to go talk to his dr, but he wouldn't.
A few weeks ago, after about a week of being home from biz, we had a lovely lunch out together and then a few hours after we came home, he said he had to go for a drive and when he came back, he was crying & freaking out, telling me that he had to go clear his head & see his elderly dad in OR (we live in FL) and needed a ride to the airport in the morning. I couldn't believe it!
It was only for a week, but once he was there, without discussing things with me, he rented an apartment in his dad's complex. I panicked and flew out there to try and talk some sense into him. Oddly, we had a really nice week out in OR together with his family, almost like a 2nd honeymoon, but when it was time to go back home, he suddenly changed & started to meltdown, crying that he was scared to go back home to all of the stress. His behavior and vibe made me worried. The hair stood up on my arms. It was like he was near a nervous breakdown.
I did convince him to come home with me and at least talk to the kids, which he did and told us 2 days later that he was packing all of his stuff and leaving to drive out to live in OR, as he had to get his head straight, etc. This is the email that he wrote me:
***Let me start by saying that I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I love you and the kids with all my heart.
In response to your email yesterday, I am not medically compromised. I am mentally exhausted. You have given me everything and please don't think I haven't noticed that fact.
The choices I am making are those that I have been considering for awhile. I need to leave for my own well being. If I don't, I will be no good to anyone at all. I know that the pain that I feel affects all of us, including the kids
I heard a saying once that said “You have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to love you”. I don’t feel that right now. I feel very overwhelmed and frustrated. I know this is hard for you to understand but I just need some time. I want you to find peace and happiness in your life based on yourself not based on me. I can't just can’t be that for you right now; it hurts me to say that but it’s how I feel inside.
I know how painful this is but when I am at home, I feel lost inside; when I am not I feel whole. It hurts so much to have that feeling. I just can't do it anymore.
As hard of a decision as it is, I know that I just need a timeout. I need to feel some peace in my life and relieve some stress. I am not abandoning my family. Please know I will take care of things there for you and the kids. My hope is that we will be able to talk some time and then talk like the friends that we have always been. If you really want to help me, please try to understand that I really need this.
Please be my friend and help me; I will do everything in my power to do the same.
This is the hardest thing to do in my life but I have to. It’s only fair to everyone.
All my love,***
So, now he's still driving, as it takes like 5 days to get there. He didn't want to talk to me until he got out there, but since the kids are upset that he left us twisting in the wind like this and aren't answering his emails/texts, he's now including me in their emails. Since he says that he loves me and believes that he's "in love" with me but needs to get his head straight, they think his stab at having this great relationship with them all of a sudden is to find out what is going on around here with me, but at the same time avoiding the pressure and stress of talking to me about our marriage and what this move means.
He sent me a beautiful Mother's Day e-card this morning and signed it, "All My Love". He's all over the map - emotionally and physically!
I don't know what to do, except to just not engage with him and allow him to find his resting place. He's very high right now, because he's left his responsibilities and is out on the road driving through our beautiful country. Who wouldn't be happy doing that?
His brother is not helpful, actually encouraging him to be OK not taking meds. His best friend though, has a bipolar wife and is going to try and talk to him about getting help, once the dust has settled a bit.
Although he does have a selfish streak, he doesn't like being alone. Obviously things are not working out with his plan as the kids are not writing him, and eventually the novelty of constant time with his father will wear off. In a couple of weeks, he'll be in his new apartment alone. I wonder if he'll want to talk about us then?
More odd things. He's wearing his wedding ring, tells me that we will be faithful to each other, and also took some large personal picts of us with him to hang on his wall in the apartment. Such contradictions! I guess it's true, he doesn't know what he wants.
I've made it a point not to fight with him or get angry, as that just will make him worse. He won't however, tell me that he wants a divorce or that we won't work things out. He just tells me that he doesn't know right now and just needs to concentrate on his (stressful) job. It's extremely hard for me to not communicate with him, as he has a virtual office & works from home, so we were together nearly constant. He would even run errands and go grocery shopping with me. And even when he did his infrequent travel, we would talk/skype video at least once a day and send emails.
Anyway, if you've made it this far, thanks for reading and I'm sure some of you understand what this is like - which is why I am here. 
I just don't know how this is going to end up. I hope we can reconnect and he will get help. I'm sad, scared and feel sick. I love him so much and most of our years were great. I'd hate for it to end badly...
Sorry you're going thru that. It sucks how all of us with bipolar spouses can read these stories over and over and just sit here nodding our heads because all the craziness just sounds so familiar.