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04/18/2012 07:57 PM

Is this Bipolar, or something else?

success
Posts: 67
Member

My ex-boyfriend has Bipolar Syndrome. He's on meds but I believe he's a rapid cycler.

2 weeks ago we found out I was pregnant. This came as a huge shock, as he's older, was done having kids, had a vasectomy several years ago, and is currently dealing with immense pressure from his ex wife and other financial issues.

At first he was wonderful and supportive. We started planning how we'd care for our family.

Then on Friday we had a fight. I take responsibility - I've only been with him for 4 months and am still learning how to support a bipolar partner. I lost my cool and accused him of 'f-ing up my life'. Sure enough - he dropped me the next day.

He sent me a very cold email advising I put the child up for adoption. And he has cut off all ties with me. He went from 'I love you, love of my life, I can't wait to have a family with you' to 'You're manipulative and sick and I'm done with this'.

I guess I'm surprised he hasn't checked in to see how the pregnancy is going...and what I'm going to do.

Is this Bipolar, or is a small part of him aware, and taking the easier way out?

I'm beside myself. I love him still...but this is killing me. I'm just trying to understand.

Thanks

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04/19/2012 01:03 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13305
Group Leader

success

i vote

bipolar +asshat disorder.

welcome to the group.

we are here for you..

we have other members here that have a similar story to yours.

oh, by the way

he is aware

he is bipolar

not comatose.

xo xo xo


04/19/2012 04:00 AM
success
Posts: 67
Member

Thank you for your response.

I have so many questions, and I'm really hoping those of you on here with greater experience can help.

1. The connection I felt with my ex partner - it was the strongest, most intimate connection I have ever had with another human being. I've read several posts on several forums claiming the same. Is this connection 'real' or is this something they are able to generate with their unique ability to deal with amplified feelings? Could it even be a survival mechanism i.e. to create a bond so strong so the other person doesnt leave when the going gets downright rotten.

2. I believe my ex also has shades of narcissistic personality disorder. He told me his ex wife accused him of this, and that she didn't know what she was talking about. His ex wife also claimed he was 'fooling' all the therapists as they didn't see this in him, but she did. At the time I thought she was wrong. Now...I think she may have been right. They were married for 21 years.

I read up on this on someone elses post on here...the way he behaved the day he broke up with me - it was NPD to the tee. Of course I can't diagnose anything, but it certainly reeked of it.

I know the ex will not come back. He's probably got someone else to focus attention on anyway.

I miss him horribly, wonder if I will EVER have that same soul-connection with another human being. BUT I have read stories of people who have been dealing with it for years and years. It sounds like life is a constant struggle.

I would never have left this man. He left me. He's probably doing me a painful favour, and so I'm going to accept it and move on somehow. But I need to understand what happened. I'm seeing a therapist myself to help me deal with it.

If you can help with some insight, please, please do.

Thank you


04/19/2012 10:11 AM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2466
Group Leader

oh no, another one of us,pregnant and he leaves. I am so sorry. I know how hard it is.

He has no say. If you want to keep the baby it is up to you.

If he is like my ex,he just does not want to pay child support. to hell with that. oh sorry, wrong thread

i am a pm away. Went through the same thing. My little guy is 6 months now. Now contact w dady since last Aug,no positive contact w daddy since last april

I wish i could have been the only one to have to do this. It stinks.


04/19/2012 11:34 AM
hythloday
hythloday  
Posts: 415
Member

One of the maddening things about being a relationship with someone with bipolar is precisely the title of this thread: "Is it bipolar or do you really hate me?" "Is it bipolar or selfishness?" etc. and worst of all when you start thinking, "Is it my partner's bipolar or am I friggin' crazy?"

At some level, it doesn't matter. You're a person and a soon-to-be mother. You need to surround yourself with people you can count on. He needs to adapt to your needs on this.


04/19/2012 05:16 PM
dferrone
dferronePosts: 211
Member

Success, I read how you said the fight was your fault. Dont put all the blame on yourself a reasonable response in a calm manner from him would have been appropriate as well. I agree do what is right for you and the baby do not factor him into your decision. He may be in and out or out completely but not a stable partner if sick. Do me a favor in your head picture what a dad and partner should be sick or not. If he does not measure up to that he is not worth it for you. After 4 years I know I should take blame for my mistakes or inpatience but a disease is not a free pass to be a jerk!

04/19/2012 07:17 PM
success
Posts: 67
Member

Thank you for your responses. He is definitely out of the picture for good. I cannot see him coming back and doing the right thing.

Now I need to figure out what hit me, and how to deal with it.


04/20/2012 01:25 AM
lifeishard
lifeishard  
Posts: 1651
Senior Member

"Is it my partner's bipolar or am I friggin' crazy?" Love this quote! Made me laugh, then made me cry! Sums up what I have been feeling over the last two months...

04/20/2012 05:00 AM
success
Posts: 67
Member

Hi All

I hurt for me and I hurt for all of us here who love, love, love and patiently suffer the pain.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones - I didn't lose much of my life to this man, and he has left me. I would never have left him, so I guess God did me a favour.

I feel such sadness over losing the love of my life. I realize, from reading everyone's posts, that bipolar sufferers have an uncanny ability to be the most wonderful people when they are in that state.

Maybe it's because they FEEL so much - that they say and do the romantic, wild things that most people would never do. So we look at this person, pledging their soul to us and think - wow, this is our soulmate. Not realizing that the bipolar makes them feel things to much greater intensity than the average person.

So - while an average person would say - I'm starting to have feelings for you, A bipolar would say 'I love you, I adore you'.

See the difference? SO much easier to fall for bipolar.

Just my couch psychology. I'm no expert. Just my opinion, is all.

My ex often said 'I jumped in too fast'. or 'I didn't think it through' or 'I said that because I wanted to make you happy'.

Or my favourite 'I meant it at the time'.

I meant it at the time.

That doesn't count for anything. That does not offer stability, security or a sense of peace.


04/23/2012 11:10 AM
success
Posts: 67
Member

I terminated my pregnancy today. When I told him, his response was 'my heart breaks and I wish we made other choices'.

WHAT??!!

Please - any advice on how to move on? feel like I will never be happy again.

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