Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Me and my bipolar boyfriend of 9 months just broke up. We have literally been arguing non stop for weeks now. Last night he cried so hard telling me he needs to break up with me because he treats me like crap and I deserve better. I convinced him we belong together, and things were fine. Then today we fought again. And finally I couldn't take it any more and ended it tonight. For hours all day long he would taunt me, and like wave at me saying "bye" in a sarcastic way. and "why are you still here". And then whenever I would try to leave he would sigh and go wow you're really leaving. Then he would grab me and hold me and kiss me. just changing his mind constantly. I cried so hard and just got soo sick of this, after he told me "I'm free!" enthusiastically and was laughing maniacally, I told him we have to end it and I left. He put single on his facebook and I got so hurt at everything he told me these past few days ("I'll find someone else and you will too.", etc.) and him changing his status just made me flip. So I blocked him and deleted our pictures. Then I get a voicemail from him saying he has been an a *hole lately and he wants to apologize, and he's going to bring the old him back, and that he loves me. I just wanted to end things civilly, after all we have a class that we sit next to each other in, so I called him back and he said "never mind, it's over. I have nothing to say to you". (he sounded like he was panting from crying hard) I got so upset that I hung up. Why is he acting like he doesn't care? and what if he keeps calling me over and over again going back and forth between 'I love you/I hate you' etc. etc. I want to be with him but I feel like he can't possibly change. How can someone who supposedly love you so much tell you they have no love for you anymore, they are going to move on, and act soo stoic and heartless. Insight anyone? Thoughts, experience, anything is appreciated...Our story is much longer and more complicated but I tried to condense it so it would be easy to follow. Thank you!

most bipolar guys make girls feel guilty(cos blaming is part of bipolar) and make you chase him by giving you guilt trip or silent treatment. if it doesnt work bipolar guy like my husband treatenes me ith suicidal comment and keep me stay/ it took me 4 years to get out of his manipulation and emotional and verbal abuse. he did only silent treatment till I moved in after wedding. he withdraws for intimacy and romance and started his horrible verbal abuse and shoving and slamming doors and throwing things. I m so damaged i dont ever look for another guy. when my phone beeps i m scared to open any message cos he sent me so many abusive texts. I love him and I saw him weep on my shoulders only to be more manipulated and used for money and sex then few days later his crazy silent treatment and blaming starts again. please dont look back and get another boyfriend ASAP. if you stay single you are more likely go back to him again so move on while you can. bipolar is life long illness which cant be healed.

one thing i swear to God and tell you is I wasted my 4 years but I m telling the truth to you to save your days. dont look back. once he victimize you and you let him walk over he repeats only stringer tactics next time. my husband called me stupid for a start and called me cunt, slut, bitch and so one he got worse and he has no remoarse or regret or feeling sorry. he never apologises but he blames me saying" you made me get angry and you deserve that" after verbal abuse. he totally controlled and manipulated me for the whole time by showing me coldhearted , mean ,dont care attitude. I feel for you. please what you are going thru is abuse and you should get out of there. if you walk down the mall and someone calls you names will you call the security guard for help. you should do the same when he treats you crap and abuse you. bipolar is not curable. some women stay longer like 20 years having kids only to fine bipolar husband leave and they have lost youth. I left cos i couldnt take it. i wish i had read this forum so i could have realised i was being abused and its s crime. you are smart. please leave and find a good man. i believe you are beautiful smart girl. think about your mother if she finds out how her daughter is being abused by that bipolar mental how would she feel? Do you ant your future daughter gets abused by bipolar man? hwy dont you look at yourself with that same attitude. you are precious like anyone else.

I just got out of a relationship with a bipolar girl. Even though I still miss her, having a distance between us, just makes me realize how sick and twisted it all was. It only got worse. No promises will ever be kept, the part of your boyfriend that you love is not in control. The one calling the shots is the manipulative, lying, cheating? person who abuses you and puts you through hell. Dont stay with him, and dont take him back. Get distance and time between you two.

vicious: I just noticed on your profile that you joined MDJ last summer. I'm guessing that when you got into your relationship with your now ex-BF that you knew he had BP. I'm also guessing that in the time since you joined the site that you have read some of the horror stories that get posted here.

The simplest advice that I can you give about where you are at right now is that you need to recognize that you are a victim of emotional abuse and that until you establish and maintain NO CONTACT with your ex you will continue to both agitate your existing emotional/psychological traumas and be burdened with new traumas.

Honestly, in your case it does not sound as though you need to educate yourself about BP as much as you need to recognize that you are a victim of emotional abuse and that you may very well be experiencing some form of post-traumatic stress via your ex's abusive behavior.

I very infrequently advise people to see their BP partner/ex as a threat but in this case I will do just that.

Focus on your own well-being because it's clear that your ex cannot concentrate on either his well-being or your own.

Big hugs. Best wishes for your healing.

Post edited by: invisiblenyc, at: 04/17/2012 10:04 PM

Oh my god! I hae just read this and you are going through exactly the same things as me at the moment. I swear that i could hae written that because our situation sounds so alike! The difference is is that i know that my boyfriend has bipolar but he refuses to admit it! I hae absolutly no idea how to get him to admitt to it. He needs help. He has left me 3 times and we'e only been together a year. It is always my fault according to him. Afterwards he seems so heratless as if he hates me. or worse that i mean nothing to him. within a few days he phones me and tells me he misses and loes me! Help!! We are trying to work things out as we split up a week ago. Now he wants us to moe in together and is getting angry at me for not wanting to yet! Any adice on how i can get him to admit he has this illness???? any adice greatly appreciated as it's really getting me down now!! Thank you! x

I everyone. I am new to this group. I just broke up with my bf. We'd only been dating one month, but have known each other casually for almost 10 years. When we reconnected romantically, things went too fast, but I jumped on the train, even though it was decorated with red flags. We live 60 miles apart. The first few weeks were wonderful and then he got hit with several stressful events. It isn't the events that had me concerned it was the reaction to them. I was previously married to a bp fella and know full-well the signs. I didn't want what I saw to be true, so I hung in there. I saw sleeplessness, incredible inconsistencies/lies, blaming, grandious gestures, efusive grand declarations of love, yelling at me when he was mad at someone else, unsettling emails and texts. When I declared my discomfort in our relationship, things got worse. I did it first by email, then by phone as that was the only way to communicate. He said he "got it" and said he'd look into help, though he said he'd been tested (then corrected to not tested-interviewed) and been said not to be BP. The cycles were so rapid in the past few days they were intolerable. A week ago, I declared boundaries of no communications after 11 pm. Last night, after saying goodnight, I got two texts. Told him to stop...then got one at 6:20 am, to which I replied "I told you I was going to need extra rest since I took a benedryl for allergie and you have a special text message tone that indicates you need me so I sprung out of bed to see what was wrong. I am going back to sleep" to which he replied, "Jeez, I just had a dream about you and was only trying to tell you that I love you" and I replied "Stop". I sent an email and said that I needed to think. Hours later, we talked briefly. No apology for waking me at night or in the morning. Only yelled at me because I had too many rules. Last straw. I broke up with him by email saying this just wasn't working for me. He replied with the range of "I'll do anything" "you can't do this" "you're all I have" "it's your fault"...I replied that I can do this because I am unhappy and uncomfortable. I asked him not to contact me any further. I ran all of this by my sister before hitting "send". Though I don't think he would be violent, I have my small-town cops on alert for his possible arrival. I feel free though I'm not letting my guard down.

I can't help but think things could have been different if he had been willing to talk about getting help. I've been encouraged by those of you who have worked through this, who have managed your bp with meds/vigilence.

Thanks for listening and thank you for having this group. I found great strength in hearing your stories.

you can stop thinking about how things could have been different.

that is not the case at all.

things will NEVER be different.

EVER.

your decision was made with much THINKING

intelligence .

stick to it no matter what.

XO XO XO

L.

Thank you livinginablender...I know you are right. It has been a crazy 24 hours...emails, texts. He cannot believe I am not replying. I went to my local police station (I live in a small town) and asked for additional patrol, gave them his name and description of his vehicle. I got further confirmation last night from someone who has known him better than I have and she confirmed and said "RUN". I am glad that I have made this decision and am only looking back now to watch out for him to surface as I believe he will since I am not responding. He is (like most) an insomniac...so I would expect him to come in the night. Additionally, he'd been awarded temporary custody of his son and he apparently lost custody yesterday and sent me an email trying to put it off on me though I'd been no where near them and haven't met the son. I'm concerned that without the son, he now has the freedom to come bother me. UGH. Luckily, if he does come here, the police are two minutes away.

I am sticking with it, no calls answered (or made), no texts answered, no emails replied to either. I can do this. Thank y'all!

Also, the police officer I met with said that it's been his experience that there was never any way to have reasoned with him...that because he is sick, logic and reasoning is not of any use to him. All of his emails and texts have been about what he wants and what he needs. They range from me being the best thing that ever happened to I'm to blame for everything. Wow, huh?