Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Finding relationships that are healthy and avoiding those that are not.

UNSAFE PEOPLE

1. Think they have it all together instead of admitting their weaknesses.

2. Are defensive instead of open to feedback.

3. Are self-righteous instead of humble.

4. Only apologize instead of changing their behavior.

5. Avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.

6. Demand trust, instead of earning it.

7. Belive they are perfect instead of admitting their faults.

8. Blame others instead of taking responsibility.

9. Will lie instead of being honest.

10. Are stagnant instead of growing.

11. Avoid closeness instead of connecting.

12. Are only concerned about "I" instead of "we" (not relationship centered)

13. Resist freedom instead of encouraging it.

14. Condemn us instead of forgiving us.

15. Stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.

16. Are unstable over time instead of being consistent.

17. Are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.

18. Gossip instead of keeping our confidences.

SAFE PEOPLE

1. Value love - connection - have the ability to trust.

2. Value responsibility (take responsibility for themselves and value that in others) Neither overly dependent on others nor codependent - feeling responsible for others

3. Value honesty - ability to be known - transparent - who they really are.

4. Working on their own issues

5. Respond to truth

6. Have a good track record (may fail, but learn from failure and move on, are in progress of making a good track record even if this is a new beginning for them)

7. Can be observed and tested - see them in interactions with other people (test them with a small part of yourself, share a part of your heart and see what happens)

8. Bear good fruit in your life by being with them (encourage you to grow individually and in your connection with other people)

Any safe people in your life?

Any unsafe people in your life?

i have both safe and unsafe in my life at this point, i,

myself, am now a blend of BOTH!!!

after nine yrs with my bp husband, and 6 yrs with my bp, adhd,

and odd son, i am loosing it

i would seriously encourage everyone to steer clear of relationships

with anybody and anything to do with bp. this has been the ride,

rollercoaster, of my life.

although i love them both....had i to do it over, I WOULD NOT!!!!

God bless all,

and me too, please.

joyce

good to see you .

I understand.

I had to cut my youngest son loose a couple years ago.

He refused to take his meds and his behavior was horrible.

It affected my work, thus affecting my survival. The roof I worked so hard to keep over all of our heads. My health suffered. I have permanent disabilities as a result of living with all that stress.

It is not that I am not smart, tough , none of that.

It is because of this thing called my human condition.

I am blood , flesh and bone.

Not bullet proof.

Son had a tough couple years being a hobo.

Skipping trains

Crossing the Nation, scaring the s*** out of himself and me.

He seems to be doing somewhat better now

he is sober , going to meetings

shares an apt with a friend

has a job

managing his money well.

But OMG when he was out there , he was OUT THERE. WAYYYYYYYYYY OUT THERE.

After skipping trains for over a year, it looks like he has settled down.

somewhat.

He will be 23 years old in July. (hes my baby)

He called me late one night, from Washington DC

and told me that he no longer wanted to be an American and was going to Canada.

Well, this time...

he took an airplane to Seattle

got on a bus to the border

and took a canoe across the bay into Canada.

lol

God Bless you Joyce

xo xo xo

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 04/14/2012 01:20 PM

he does see a therapist and a pdoc, and i know he takes his

meds, i give them to him. i don't know which is worse, the

bp or odd. the defiance thing gets on my last nerve

hubby is about as stable as i have ever seen him. at least he

is trying.

all the stress is taking it's toll on me, physically,

mentally, and emotionally.

God bless,

joyce

what are you eating ?

that i do a lot of cooking but very little eating.

i find that i stuff myself at night, after everyone has gone

to bed. it seems it is the only time i get to eat without

jumping up and down.

sometimes i feel like my entire family is attached to my

digestive system. when i try to eat, somebody needs something,

and forget the bathroom...that is a loud siren to call all.

i just feel lost.

joyce