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04/03/2012 06:20 PM

Wants divorce after twelve years diagnosed bipolar(page 3)

marielynn
Posts: 190
Member

2 1/2 years ago my husband went severely manic and I had him committed to the mental health unit for 3 weeks and then a week in a halfway house. Last July on a Monday night he was sobbing, saying he knows something is wrong with him etc and needs help but doesn't want to take meds. He was hugging me telling me how much he loves me and that we would make it. By Thursday he was living with another woman and lived with her for 4 months, still has a relationship with her but now lives with his mom. I helped him get back on meds and even helped him get better when they have him overdosed but now he quit taking the meds again. He comes to our house daily and takes my son to school, but really isn't mentally there. He is able to work full time, but just isn't right. My 16 year old son who is also bipolar is on probation. His dad keeps telling me he wants him to quit school and get his ged. I said wow he is on probation and the rule is he goes to school. He said well he will probably just kill himself someday. WOW, what a great role model. Lives with him mom, she cooks etc, babies him, no one makes him accountable for anything. Our divorce is final on May 7th, he probably won't show up. He didn't show up to the friend of the court meeting. Sad to see him deteriorate. Life just really stinks right now.
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04/03/2012 07:27 PM
Confused101

I'm sorry your going thru this. It's hard to say how my situation will turn out because this is her first episode. So it's hard to say when it will go away, when it will happen again, how she will be afterwards, if she will take her meds, will she be in denial. Is the pattern the same for everyone who has bipolar or do some (most people comply and get better and is it the minority that causes all the trouble) or am I in a situation where I should prepare myself for worse case scenerio ?

Some people tell me that some bipolar people get on meds and stay on meds and totally understand the problem and want to get better while others cause trouble, etc, etc.

Can anyone give me some feedback here


04/03/2012 07:47 PM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2462
Group Leader

everyone is different. With meds and a lot of hard work it can be managed, without, well, lets hope she will take her meds.

04/03/2012 09:02 PM
Confused101

I'm hoping she begins coming down soon it's been over 2 months. But the Pdoc says that it could last anywhere from 3-6 months. The fact that it's her first episode makes it that much harder to predict the time frame. Her family is concerned that she will never come out of it and will always hate them and will just stay the stranger that she is, threatening to sue everyone, divorce me and put everyone to jail. The jailor told me that she's acting like she owns the place. She was telling the judge she's ready to go to trial tomorrow, etc, etc.

The judge asked her what her name was and she started yelling how she's changing it to her maiden name and how she started the divorce proceedings. But she never started any proceedings and on valentines day telling me how much she loved me.

This whole thing is really surreal.


04/03/2012 09:04 PM
Confused101

Are there any signs that mania is ending ? the real bad full blown one's.The mental health lady at the court said she's in full mania will delutions and paranoia, and partially losing touch with reality.

that's what she told the judge at the hearing after speaking with her for about 20 minutes.

speaking very fast, moving around, very aggitated, etc.

Post edited by: Confused101, at: 04/03/2012 09:07 PM


04/03/2012 09:19 PM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2462
Group Leader

i've been waiting for about a year. At least he has the curtosy to leave so i do not have to see it. he self medicates so he just fuels it more. drugs alcohol and loose women.

04/03/2012 09:34 PM
Confused101

Does he go up and down or has it been a straight ride up for a year straight ?

Is this his first episode.

My wife by nature is very mellow, calm, peaceful person who doesn't drink (other than a beer once or twice a week) and doesn't smoke.

she has professional background, loving mom, etc, etc. No one including her best friend of 30 years has not seen anything like this ever before. She threatened to have her friend arrested (she lives in texas) when she heard something she didn't like on the phone and told her that someone was shooting at her and that I hired a hit man to get her.


04/04/2012 01:39 AM
lifeishard
lifeishard  
Posts: 1651
Senior Member

Your wife's behavior is textbook mania. She seems so paranoid and delusional that I have a feeling once she is medicated she may not remember alot of what she has done and said. My husband had a psychotic break during his first mania 4 years ago. He was running down the street naked assaulting the guards etc. It took him about 9 months to stabilize but it really took a lot of work on his part. He had difficulty reading and concentrating and following a conversation. He was stable for almost 4 years and has been successful in his career for 3 of those years. February of this year is his first 'relapse'. What has been difficult for me is that my husband is able to work and fool the doctor so it seems like he may really want a divorce.

I am still shocked that she has not been medicated. Is there a way to force the issue? From what I have read on this site, it is possible that there can be some damage to the brain if mania is allowed to go on and on.


04/04/2012 07:28 AM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2462
Group Leader

He always leaves when manic. Almost like he is trying to protect us from him in his own way. idk. if you ask the f of the month oh sorry 6 months now whoop whoop he is fine. he is also a professional and has somehow managed to keep his job. he is an engineer so i kind of think doing all that math is like self soothing for him.

no, you can not force any one to take meds. believe me if you could i would be cramming them down his throat.

in the mania he may really want the divorce or he may be trying to protect you. more likely in his mind you have become the bad guy because he knows you want mania to end and s/he likes it. it is hard not to take personal but if you can, realize it is not you. it is the choices he/she is making.

this is his second episode that i know of. first one was med induced by an antidepressant second one just on its own.of course drugs and alcohol do not help. he is on pain killers for 20 tears. va will not take him off them because he is so addicted.

Post edited by: chelle005, at: 04/04/2012 07:32 AM


04/04/2012 07:52 AM
Confused101

Yes, at first she was trying to pull me into her mania, trying to get me to go out with her and hang out at bars, she all off a sudden started hanging out with gay guys (her hair dresser, his friends, etc, ) I don't know what that's all about

But I guess it's better than straight guys. Our typical night is law and order reruns. She's normally very domesticated person. Has few very close friends that she's had for decades. Very stable loving mom, never argues, very funny, and always tells me that she loves me to death. It's totally a different person, very self centered, tells everyone to go F themselves., her voice, her walk, her signature, everything changed. She never used to wear heels or sexy underwear., like I said it's like jekyll and hyde, seriously. She also started to boss me around, something she never ever ever did before. Telling me that she's been with me for 12 years because she feels sorry for me and that she build everything in our life financially., (it's totally the opposite, she's been my assistant for 12 years working for me. Telling me that my family and her family is smoothering, stuff I never heard in my wildest dreams in the last 12 years. Really a totally different person.

Does anyone know, what the natural progression of the down cycle is like., it's her first time so I don't know what to look for.

How will I know it's starting to go away ? When she comes off will the monster self inflated ego and all the other symptoms go away (she naturally is super down to earth) and now walks and talks like a fortune 500 ceo. She walks around saying everyone knows me, I'm so successful, etc, etc, it's scary.

fortunatly she's in jail where she can't do much harm now. She's refusing to see any family members btw.

Post edited by: Confused101, at: 04/04/2012 07:58 AM

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