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04/01/2012 11:45 AM

Wants divorce after twelve years diagnosed bipolar


I really don't know where to begin so I will just jump into the story.

My wife and I have been happily married for 12 years, we never argue, bicker and truly are best friends. In last week of january or first week of february, she started gradually acting different. Arguing, dressing differently, loud, obnoxious, doing things totally out of character, lying, sleeping very little, talking alot, calling on phone and hanging up after few minutes, always felt rushed, cussing every other world. I first didn't know what was going on but I called her Psychiatrist, who we share (I have anxiety disorder) and we always thought she had mild depression. Anyway, the doctor spoke with her and told me immediatly to get her of the paxil and get her to a hospital and that she is beg. a full blown manic episode. I asked her to go and she wouldn't have any of it. She was impossible to speak with began cursing and threatening me (something completely out of character for my wife)

The doctor told me to take her car keys away and that's when she told me she wants a divorce, etc, etc. This is the first time I ever heard such words from her.

That night she went to the police department to get me arrested or to give back her car keys, the officer realized something was off and called me to tell me to pick her up. I got to the station and told them to call her doctor who told them to put her under 5150 hold. She was taken to a hospital and kept there for 7 days. She refused all medication. The doctor there also diagnosed her as having bipolar and prescribed her lithium which she didn't take. She got out of the hospital and has been calling attorney after attorney to file divorce. They notice that something is off and don't want to take her case.

This behavior was not only directed at me., she told her mom she never wants to see her again., told my mom to go F her self, told her best friend that she will put her to jail,

last I saw her was 5 weeks ago and she was wearing hot pink high heals and a hot pink purse that my wife would not be caught dead in (in her normal state of mind)

I'm really confused, upset, and logically understand that all this is the bipolar talking, because she always told me how much she loved me and we always had an incredible relationship till 2 months ago.

Will she come back to normal ? will she understand how she hurt everyone who loves her ? She is in denial about the sickness and won't take any pills, will it go away on it's own ? I'm just really confused and hurt right now. She won't call anyone and is staying with a gay friend who she met after she became bipolar. He doesn't know her any other way and is letting her crash at his place. Meanwhile she is calling her friends and relatives and acting paranoid, telling them how I put her in the hospital because she asked for divorce, and when anyone takes my side she tells them she will put them to jail and hangs up the phone.

Do these things sound familiar to anyone...any guidance would be appreciated. We have two kids who are 7 and 9. They are safe with me and understand that mommy is not well right now.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.


04/01/2012 01:57 PM
Posts: 414

Welcome. Sorry you're having to go through this. All very familiar. Read around for a while. This in particular sounds a bit like another recent poster by the name of Silverlock (look his posts up). Consult the other partners of bipolar forum: relationships

The main thing is you need to take care of you and your kids. She's an adult and will do what she will do and face the consequences. The good things here: you're in contact with her psychiatrist, her family must know something's up. She's with a friend. All good things, really. You don't have to go it alone in this crisis. Stay safe and sane.

Post edited by: hythloday, at: 04/01/2012 01:58 PM

04/01/2012 03:41 PM
Posts: 95

The thing about bipolar is that she will eventually cycle down and around and will probably be more rational at some point. She may not return to herself and she may be just as irrational as she cycles down, but she will not remain in the state she is in. It could take a while with her refusing any sort of medication, and there's no telling what she'll be like in the future.

Do what you can to protect yourself and your children physically, emotionally and financially. Do anything you can to influence her to get professional help. Bipolar is treatable, but it is incurable, and doesn't get better on it's own.

She will probably come running back when she gets more rational and realizes what she's done. Let her know that she really needs to get professional help if she wants to hold her family together because she can't be a good wife or mother when she's running manic. If you let her pretend that nothing happened, she will continue to cycle and get worse with time instead of better. You are not alone. This is common behavior for bipolar mania.

04/01/2012 03:58 PM

Thanks for all the kind words. Her family and friends all know and understand how sick she is, they spoke with her and that's all it took. She is normally very clam, quiet, sweet, level headed person who became completely 180 degree different from her usual self and it's really noticeable to everyone. She curses and threatens to put everyone in jail that either takes my position (that she is not well and needs help) or just doesn't agree with her. Our lawyer spoke with her and told her she needed help and she told him she will get his license taken away.

How long can the severity of this go at this level, it's been 2 months now ?

04/01/2012 04:03 PM
chelle005Posts: 2462
Group Leader

Wow, sounds really familiar.I wish there was a magic date to tell you when she will come down. With out meds or if self medicating, alcohol or drugs it could be awhile. hang in there. you are in for a bumpy ride. When my ex came down from his first manic episode,lasted 6 weeks, he was very ashamed and would not talk about it. One year later he went manic again and to the best of my knowledge is either still manic or mixed episodes my guess is still manic,heavy amounts of self medication. it is going on the year mark. i do not see his crash coming any time soon or in any way that does not involve the law or jail time.

It sounds like your wife is trying to get the law on her side. I have seen this a lot. watch yourself,consider going no contact to protect yourself. You are the only one there for your kids right now. if you get arrested on false charges,what happens to them.

you have done everything right. her pdoc knows.sadly there is nothing more that you can do but just wait it out. Take care of you and the kids. start new family activities. go for walks, take a karate class,something. you will be ok. you will make it through this.I can already see you are strong.make sure the kids know they are double loved by you.

04/01/2012 04:09 PM
Posts: 1651
Senior Member

This is so similar to my story (I have been posting on the same site as Silverlock). My husband also wanted a divorce and became paranoid about me, taking my attempts to have him hospitalized or increase his medication as me reacting to him wanting a divorce. The fact that he wanted a divorce was very strange because a couple weeks prior to that he was telling me how much he loved me, that we had one of the best marriages, wanted to make a list of how he could become a better husband etc. When he brought up the idea of divorce it was a delusional conversation about how God had chosen another wife for him, how he was fulfillment of other words not your typical divorce conversation. Unfortunately my husband has been able to fool his doctor for several months now and my attempts to tell the doctor something is wrong were met with my husband explaining it away.

I would suggest you find a good therapist (maybe your psychiatrist can suggest one) so you can cope with all this and maybe they can give you good advice on how to handle the situation. I am playing the waiting game. After 2 months my husband has agreed to see a therapist with me, but my expectations are very low. Keep posting as you will find there are so many people who can offer great advice and writing can be therapeutic!

04/01/2012 04:19 PM

I wonder what is it about people who get mania that causes them to seek divorce.

Not only is she threatening divorce, she already told her friends and put on face book that she's in process of getting divorced, which is not true.

She doesn't do drugs but began drinking more, not alchoholic level drinking but substantially more than usual. It's amazing how she totally seems like a different person, she even signs her name differently and has no emotions at all. She was always such a caring loving person who would be very even tempered and would never hurt anyone's feelings and now she's just a totally different person who talks about hurtful things without any emotions in her eyes. She was looking at her mom and me like we were some terrorists out to get her or something, it's really almost unbelievable to imagine it. How does someone so nice and sweet turn literary into a monster.

I have been documenting everything. The last month she was calling the police to our house everyday complaining that someone is following her and stalking and breaking into our house, etc, etc she filed police report that her computer went missing, her wallet was missing, etc, etc,

I found all the items and nothing was missing. Her psychiatrist documented and gave me statement about her condition. The police in my area know she is not well and I got a restraining order and changed the locks on the door (she was coming in and out at all hours of the night) and taking her stuff little by little out of the house, including the pictures of the kids, legal documents, etc. While she was staying at her friends house her friend dropped off all her valuables, the pictures, and everything else.

So I got it all back, but I really just want to get her back.

So I have been documenting everything and have a restraining order in place, I have legal background so I know how to protect myself...legally, but I really just want my wonderful wife back.

The doctors tell me that if she takes her meds, knowing how responsible of a person she is (when she's normal) and that's it's her first episode, that she will remember everything she did and will never want it to happen again, but what if this manic state lasts a year or longer, what if she doesn't take meds.

I'm just worried sick about her., she really is my best friend and I miss her very much

04/02/2012 01:08 PM

Well she came back home today while her mom and my mom were here, we tried to talk with her and she started shoving me, her mom called 911 and she grabbed the phone from her moms hand and started hitting her with it. The police came and found her running away in the alley and they found the phone in the alley as well, she got arrested and charged with assault and battery, misdemenor but 50k bail. We told everyone not to bail her out for obvious reasons, so at least she's in custody right now. Her moms hand is cut but it's nothing ultra serious. She also violated the order not to come on the property. I feel horrific that she's in jail but much better than running on the streets or god knows where else. Will jail calm her down ?

04/02/2012 03:12 PM
sallyoPosts: 3681
Senior Member

It sounds like you're doing everything that you can. I'm so sorry that you and your family are having to do with an obviously sick wife. I hope she'll want to get help soon!

04/02/2012 03:48 PM

I feel bad about not bailing her out, I feel jail is better than a full blown manic creating damage to everyone around her. We were all walking around on egg shells around the house, waiting for the next attack. This person who she became is 180 degrees from my normal wife and it's the first episode, no one ever seen her like this, none of her relatives. I don't even know how long it will last or how how she will be when she comes out of this. Will she understand what she did to those around her ?

She by nature is a very responsible person who doens't do drugs or drink and has good structure, is it easier with people like that when they are not manic or it's all the same ?


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