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03/26/2012 01:37 PM

HE PROPOSED!!

crystal82
crystal82  
Posts: 16
Member

i just thought i'd share.. he is bp and since i met him - he kept his word. which was to religiously see his MD and take his meds too. not one day has he missed taking his meds. we've been together for 3 1/2 yrs, ofcorse we have our rough times (specially winter season) but i guess he gives me more reason to stay rather than me give up on him. he never uses his sickness as an excuse to being a jerk, or an ass, or basically undesireably. never did he use bp as an excuse.

why am i putting this here or announcing it here. maybe bec i see so many confused partners/ gf/ etc that is going thru their partners who 'acts up'. im real sorry for that. but its simple. i know we love them. thats the whole point why we joined this group. but all i can say is that if we love them that we exert the effort to understand and be patient with them? then they too can do their part to make it work. it cant be a one way relationship. both of you have to 'work' to make it work. they too should to their part. take their meds. go see the MD. no excuses. IF they love us.

again. no excuses. be firm. and let them to thier part too.

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03/26/2012 05:27 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13310
Group Leader

this is not a one size fits all disorder.

people are all different

as are their circumstances.

my husband loved/loves me the best he could/can

with what he had.

truth is, as a result of his disorder

he was not able to maintain a stable relationship.

you are engaged.

there are many here, that have been in this battle long term.

we can tell you

the effects of this disorder

and the damage it causes long term on the brain of our loved one

and on our own health and well being.

has nothing to do with patience nor love.

some of us here

simply had to love from a distance

to stay safe and sane ourselves.

there are sometimes, behaviors that are simply not safe nor acceptable.

if patience and love was the cure

my husband would be healed 100%.

truth is, he is sick.

he is addicted to the mania.

he is an addict,

he has brain damage

he loves

in the only way an addict can.

can i make him understand there is a better way ?

no.

nobody can.

congrats on your engagement

it is my hope and prayer

that your husband to be remains diligent and willing to remain stable.

Several years ago now

on a wonderful sunny day

my husband and I were sitting on the deck in the back yard enjoying the day.

He had recently became stable after his first horrible run of mania.

We were deeply in love. We were grateful we had survived the mania.

The meds were working.

He looked me dead in the eye and said ,

" I love my life "

" I am afraid that I am going to burn down my life "

I assured him, it was going to be alright. we had the right meds.

strong love

great faith

July 17

the roof fell in

the glass shattered

our world ended as we knew it.

He lived, in a box in the woods

on the streets

became dangerous.

Was not attached to humanity .

He was not able.

Disease or choice ?

Both.

Love or patience ?

lots of it.

did it stop the progression of the disease ?

no.

its just not possible.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 03/26/2012 05:35 PM


03/26/2012 07:07 PM
taylynn
taylynn  
Posts: 1866
Senior Member

"some of us here, had to love from a distance"

kinda says it all for me


03/26/2012 07:23 PM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2466
Group Leader

I am very happy for you.You sound like my husbands fiance.

A md is not a pdoc.

my husband was stable for 4 years

We got pregnant he went manic.

I was patient, kind love him more then anything.

our daughter loved her daddy. When he walked in the room her face lit up.

You say it is simple...all you need is love.

if he loved me he would take his meds go to a pdoc etc.hmmmm

i wish you much happiness in your coming nuptials.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 03/29/2012 09:17 PM


03/26/2012 07:24 PM
sewnup
sewnup  
Posts: 707
Senior Member

Congratulations! That's wonderful, that you are both so willing and devoted. You're right in that not everyone is so lucky.

But the others are right too.

Everyone's symptoms are different...and you just never know what tomorrow will give you.

Stay vigilant. Safety first....no amount of love can keep you out of a tidal wave.


03/27/2012 08:58 AM
getolife
getolife  
Posts: 95
Member

Happily ever after is a myth. Healthy partners do not live happily ever after any more than mentally ill ones do. Statistics lie. Every situation is different and even if only .005% succeeded, you still might be one of them. Plan to spend your life watching for signs, vigilant to head off whatever might come. Take all possible steps to keep things stable. At least you know the enemy.

You may have a wonderful lifelong marriage, or you may be debating between divorce and murder in the next six months. But bipolar may have nothing to do with it anyway.

I wish you all happiness and success in your marriage. Taking a chance on someone that you love is the only way to ever know.


03/27/2012 09:02 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13310
Group Leader

Healthy people do not take off out of the house shouting

"there is going to be a blood bath in the streets of the city"

and commence to live in a box in the woods.

That is a fact.

It is no lie.

I am 100% certain this had nothing to do with

politics

finances

the condition of our relationship.

it was all a manifestation of a mental illness.


03/27/2012 10:42 AM
forfor
forfor  
Posts: 935
Member

My husband takes his med every single day. Never missed a pdoc appt. I go with him. He loves me and has proven it. I love him like crazy. He has worked everyday he has picked me up when I'm down. Good father. Good person. Kind. Years in a row of stability without even mood swing.

. Been married 16 yrs. Together longer than that. He still has bipolar.


03/27/2012 10:51 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

I agree with you Crystal that relationships have to be a two way street, even when one of you has bipolar disorder. You can love all you want and be as patient as a saint, but if the bipolar person isn't taking responsibility for their disorder, things are not going to improve.

IMHO you are absolutely right that they have to make the effort to make it work, too.


03/27/2012 11:00 AM
chelle005
chelle005Posts: 2466
Group Leader

Healthy people do not beat the hell out of you when you are pregnant with their child because the devil tells him you are evil.

Healthy people remember that they have children and do not need to know why I sent him a picture of 2 kids

Healthy people are able to see their children if they are estranged from the mother because they love and remember their children and do not have to worry that mommy will try to stop mania

healthy people do not act up and buy cars they can not afford

healthy people do not join x rated hook up sites

healthy people do not drink 30 beers a day because they do not need their meds any more

I wish their was a statistic for the marriages that do work. Is it because they still love and respect each other or is their a mountain of debt that needs to be payed.the so is scared to leave or is the so still thinking if you just love enough the world is great. It only hurts a little when he goes manic. It is not really him.

Our first 3.5 years rocked! the last two years have not rocked but instead torn me apart.

Think with your head,not your heart.

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