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taylynn Posts: 1866
Senior Member
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LOL horse, good one! you are so right, no one can understand what we go thru except others that have went or are going thru it to..it's impossible.. I still remember my 1st year of marriage in 06, and that year I hit my spouse over and over and over. (the only time in 5 yrs) I just lost it. I didn't even understand his behavior at the time (i know, no excuse. But I'll never forget the aftermath of that. He told me I was violent all the time (anytime he got upset for even the most minor infraction) he told his whole family how violent I was (and they believed him, and his sister even quit talking to me) only his brother continued to smile at me when I'd see him (to be honest I think he understood) anyway, my sweet husband (NOT) at the time decided my pastors needed to know how violent I was and yes continued to tell me how lucky I was that he didn't call the police. (that part is true, right Horse?) lol.. then it's off to sit with the 2 pastors..I'll never forget it..I know how kind they are, so I knew they wouldn't like "let me have it" so to speak.., but in fact they didn't even comment on it. They told him he should love ME like Christ loved the church, and to NOT PROVOKE ME!! OHHH, that burned his butt for years, he couldn't stand it! I don't think he ever forgave the pastors for that! I know we are not supposed to resort to violence for anyone, but somehow I could never feel very guilty for doing it. I told myself I'd never allow myself to hit him again and I kept it. He could have walked away from me, but he didn't, he kept in my face like a crazy man, screaming. Yes, I'm making excuses some will say. That's ok though, to each his own, right? So YES HORSE, you bet, we understand , and want the BEST for you, because you have been thru hell for a long time and we want you to be HAPPY!! If you want to know where your heart is …
Look where your mind goes when it wanders …
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I had been conditioned to think
I had the power to save him
I had been conditioned to believe
it was my responsibility to prevent it
and truth is
i am not qualified to do either. |
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