Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I am furious that my bi-polar diagnosed (ex) boyfriend of 2+years is showing no emotion whatsoever after breaking up with me. How do you deal with this??

We haven't spoken about it at all and it happened 9 days ago!!

We lived together, I packed my things and left.

He went from discussing getting engaged to me with his bestfriend 3 weeks ago to saying he's sick of me and I need to be independent.

I've gone through this same exact situation twice now with my ex g/f. There was no emotion whatsoever, no grieving, and she was already running around with someone else within days...doesn't seem like a normal reaction at the end of a 3 years and 5 year relationship does it...especially considering we'd discussed our future together and how much we love each other days before both incidents.

The best thing I can tell you is to realize that it was not truly him who did this to you. It was the person that this illness has made him become. It doesn't make it any better or hurt any less, but it's something to keep in mind. We all understand what you're going through and I myself am currently in a similar situation as you.

Stay strong and keep your head up.

It is not even always what they want to do .The chaos in their head is just over whelming and they seem to think change will stop it. When the head is going like that I think it is hard to think of anyone else. Kind of like when the smoke alarm goes off ( i am not a good cook lol)All you want is for it to stop. imho and I am not a dr or an expert, just my observations

He told his mother he was sick of me. That hurts a lot. I don't know how to go about this at all. If I try to move on, what is the likely hood of him trying to contact me in a few months time?

I'll tell you Esk, the only way to heal is to go no contact. I remember a couple of contacts from x after when I was in fog. It was like torture. Then I blocked everything. Have I healed? Yes I am doing a lot better. Although not completely, 10 months later. It does get better. I also have been to a psych weekly for the past 10 months. It sucks. It really does. Your pain is so familiar. Get yourself on an antidepressant and sleeping pills handy. Try and take care of yourself & damage control to your soul.

In a few months time you may not even want him.

This is what I am afraid of. Either give me closure now or never contact me again.

This is cruel to just end something so meaningful just like this. It's like I never mattered.

His mother sent me an email saying she asked for him to csll me but she doesnt think he will. She also said maybe he just wants to move on and she thanked me for being a part of their lives. I think I just got dumped by his mum too...

Eskimovm, there is also this part to consider. You really were a very important part of his life and the relationship meant so much to him. After having had these episodes in the past, perhaps he felt all that was behind him now and he could finally begin a normal life and marry a wonderful person. But then the illness got hold of him again and he realized it would never really be a reality for him to be the kind of husband to you he wishes he could be, the one you deserve.

That would be extremely humiliating to him. I am not saying that a person in a healthy state would then just dump you and not talk to you ever again. But I am saying that he and his mom probably realize that he cannot take on any level of responsibility to you or a real relationship right now and maybe will never be stable enough to be there for you the way you want and need.

I think often when people feel they have let someone else down (especially if they can't control it), they then push that person away and even try to deliberately hurt that person to keep them away so that they do not have to face the ongoing pain of not being good enough.

All just my own thoughts about the situation you have described.

Post edited by: Cowfused, at: 03/01/2012 04:30 AM

Thanks, Cow. Your response helps me, too. I felt the same way as you. That I got dumped by his mother, too. I think deep down the mothers know that can't handle it. I always wondered why his mother never sent a letter or made a phone call saying "Thinking about you & hope you are doing all right" especially after she knew the terrible things her son did to me. I think it all rests on shame & guilt. Putting it out of your mind. If you don't have to acknowledge it, then it didn't happen. Nothing you did deserves this treatment. This is not your fault.

@ cow: agreed: I think often when people feel they have let someone else down (especially if they can't control it), they then push that person away and even try to deliberately hurt that person to keep them away so that they do not have to face the ongoing pain of not being good enough.

I experienced that last night via text w/ the exBPSO!

@eskimov: read my posts about "broke down and contacted ex". The litany of texts about how "you're not a person, just an ex gf, and I'll treat you as such" may ring a bell! It helps me to see that other ppl are experiencing this - that it's an illness/pd, not ME, no matter how imperfect I am.