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02/13/2012 08:22 PM

Should I be here?

Sardiamo
Posts: 3
New Member

Hello. I'm desperate and hope you can help. I think my husband is bipolar, but I don't know for sure. Before I bring this to his attention, I want to get some views. First let me say, my brother is bipolar, but I haven't lived with him since we were kids. I'm sure the symptoms are basically the same, but I'm not sure what were outbursts and what was just him being a kid.

So now I'm here with you, begging for help. My husband and I have been married 8 years in May. We've been together about 18. I'm 36, he's 37. We have two children, ages 9 and 7. When we first got together, we both drank a lot and hung out in clubs, etc. I got bored with that life and when we got into our 20's, I had a full time job and was starting to grow up I guess you could say. He, however, had a major drug problem. For about 3 years, it was a continuous struggle with me trying to save him and him vowing he was going to get better. And he did. He's been clean now for about 10 years. I couldn't be prouder of him. He is an amazing person. He will do anything for the kids and I. He is proud to be a husband and often thanks me for saving him. He always tells me I'm pretty and that I look nice. He is perfect in every way.....except one.

Please bear with me as I'm new to this stuff and not sure if I'm using the correct terminology here (manic, depressive, etc.) so I'm just going to say how it is. He has these days, or weeks rather, where everything in his life is perfect. He is happy to just be. He likes to be around the kids and I and he talks about how he's excited for our future, etc. He likes to go out to eat and we're lovable toward each other and making plans about date nights, etc. etc. These "episodes" have lasted, weeks and weeks, sometimes even months.

Obviously, you know where I'm going with this. Things turn...and they turn quick. There's no talking to him. Literally, every conversation we have becomes an argument. When I say literally, I mean literally. And of course I'm a bitch. He says that 'M the reason he acts like this, I'M the one who starts the fights, and so on and so on.

The main thing I have a problem understanding is that he completely recognizes when he gets like this, and openly admits that he can't control it, he's sorry, he wishes he didn't act like that, but in that very same sentence, he'll accuse me of something ridiculous. These bouts of irritability and rage (yes, it can become rageful and scary. He's never physically hurt any of us) last a couple weeks, then everything is back to normal.

I confronted him on Sunday regarding his behavior and asked him how he could be so happy one day and so mad and nasty the next. He stated that he felt like he had just come down off a high.Does he sound bipolar and do bipolar people really recognize that their behavior is irrational. This is the one thing that makes me wonder if he's not just a jerk sometimes.

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02/14/2012 06:39 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

I'm not a doctor and I can't diagnose your husband, but it does sound like something is going on with your husband's moods.

I don't know if it's bipolar, but I can tell you that I was very irritable when I was hypomanic.

A psychiatrist is your best bet for getting an accurate diagnosis and proper treatment, if required.

Good luck.


02/16/2012 07:23 PM
Sardiamo
Posts: 3
New Member

Thanks for your response. I know that having him properly diagnosed is the only way to really tell. My problem is, I don't want to mention anything to him until I have a better understanding of the disorder. He'll take it as an accusation and not an observation. Luckily, this week (his mood changes seem to be weekly to bi-weekly) he's been in a great mood, so things have been pretty calm. But I know any day now, he's liable to be set off. Just wish I knew his triggers. You'd think after 18 years with him, they'd be a little more obvious Sad Anyway thanks again. If you don't mind, can you explain what you mean by "hypomania"? I'm not familiar with the bipolar spectrum (if that's even the proper term.

02/16/2012 07:41 PM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

Hypomania is basically mania to a lesser extent. It usually involves lots of energy, less sleep, and more activity/creativity. For a lot of us, it means insomnia, irritability, and racing thoughts. Some people also experience hypersexuality.

02/16/2012 08:36 PM
Sardiamo
Posts: 3
New Member

Gotcha. He's normally super over elated, or mean and grouchy. Rarely is there an in between. It makes me happy when he's happy, but sometimes his ''happiness" borders on extremely overwhelmingly irritating. I appreciate you being so candid ablut everything. I hope that one day he'll recognize that he needs help and be as open, honest and willing to talk about it as you.
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