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01/24/2012 08:15 AM

My husband left again

ThenandNow
Posts: 16
Member

Hi! I'm new here. I was a single mom of a 4 year old when I met my husband 7 years ago. After many months of dating he moved into our home with us. He was very charming, smart and hardworking. We've been married for 6 years. 2 week into our marriage I woke up one morning and he was gone. I tried calling and texting him but no response. I called his parents and they told me that it is part of being BP and he used to have a drug problem. She said that she will send me information on the illness and I need to cut his access off to his financial resources and he will come home. So I cut him off and he comes home. Why didn't anyone tell me this? He said He was afraid to tell me because he thought I would divorce him. I told him he should have been honest so I can make that decision. I stood by him and helped him get help for his illness and has been frustrating! The doctors have a long waiting list and the hospitals won't take him unless he is suicidal. Finally, he gets into the dr and they put him on medication and said it will be a slow process to find the right cocktail.

A few months go by and he leaves again this time he took jewelry and electronics from my home. I called the doctor and they said to get him to come in the office. I would if i knew where he was. Once he had spent the money he made on the stuff he pawned and came home again. He said I'm so sorry and will pay to get your stuff back but he has to find a job first. I go to the dr with him and they try a different cocktail.

A few more months go by and he does it again. By this time I am completely frustrated with the doctors and him. I go looking for him with my daughter and we end up in a serious car accident. He is no where to be found. By this point I am extremely frustrated with him and the doctors. I need to have my first of two hip replacements due to the accident. He comes home again sorry for what he did and not being there when we needed him. I told him he can't stay with us and that he need to take responsibility for his illness. He checks himself into the hospital to stable his meds. He is back to his charming self, get a new job and faithfully goes to his pdoc appts.

This behavior goes on every 6 months. When I had my first hip replacement and was in the hospital for 4 days he became manic and no one could find him. He showed up the day I was being discharged. My friends called his mother and asked her to come stay with me because her son was in no condition to take care of me. Thankfully she did.

About 6 months ago, he came back again. I went outside and his car was gone. The car is in my name and I pay for it since he can't hold a job for more than 6 months. Every time he becomes manic he loses his job. So I ask him where the car is and he says I loaned it out for gas money. What? I told him to tell them to bring it back. He called and told them to come pick him up because his ex-wife is a bitchand he wants a divorce. The guy said that he will only come back and pick him up if I don't call the police. Well I did and they said that he loan out the car since we are married. The car was bought before marriage and the said that I need an attorney for that. So i don't hear from him for a week andI file for divorce. Two days after I file for divorce he calls me. He asked if I could bring his meds to the jail. He asked me to calal his parents. Well i did and they said they couldn't talk because they had company. What? Jail? Ok I take his meds and then nicely ask him where the car is and he said he doesn't know and to report it missing. Oh what an ordeal that was. The woman was calling me with his cellphone that was in the car. She tells me that he loaned her the car and wanted to know if I reported the car stolen. Yes I did and then she hung up. It was a police matter now. He kept calling me and I would not take his calls. His parents starting calling me. I refused to talk to them and bail him out of jail. He has already taken all my savings I had before I married him and my deceased mother and grandmothers jewelry, my daughter tv. I am through with him. His dad drives 6 hours to get his son out of jail after a week and they show upat my house at 5am with the police. They knew I had filed for divorce and wanted to know if it would let him. In to get his clothes. I agreed but told them he can't tayas here because I have a young daughter and they understood. He went to his parents and called me 20 times a day. When I didn't answer he started to threaten that he would take everything and become friends with my ex husband. Ok then you do that.

He has to drive the 6 hours to go to court and they found out he was out of state. They hit the roof and his parents begged me to let him stay here until this court thing is over. So I agree but told them I cat afford to support him. They send money and I move anything of value out if my house. He is faithfully taking his meds and the charges get dropped. A month later the car is stolen again. His time the police call at 12am to tell me the people are going to jail and asked if I wanted to pick up the car. I told them it late and may daughter is sleeping and to tow it. So 6 months later the car is in the same impound lot again. I have hip replacement surger again two weeks later and his parents come to help and see my daughter and his daughter. They tell me that i am not being nice that's because i just had major surgery and your son just called me a cold hearted crooked hip bitch. She then said she doesn't know how he can function. They leave and he is in bed for the week while his daughter is visiting. I just had surgery and stil was out of bed with the kids and made Christmas dinner.

Here I sit still moving slow from surgery and he has left again and saying he left because I'm not happy. He is trying to call me to make up more excuses to be able to come home. My atty can not serve him because they can't find him. He still want s everything but my atty said that most of what I have was acquired before marriage. He has bad credit and everything is in my name. I've had to file bankruotcy because he was taking money or credit cards from my purse when I forgot to lock my car.

I'm sorry this is so long. I think I have given so much to him to make this work and am frustrated that he and his parent still wants more when I don't have any more to give.

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01/24/2012 08:52 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Then: DO two things immediately:

1. Change the locks.

2. Read 'The Rules':

http://www.mdjunction.com/forums/bipolar-spouses- discussions/general-support/2729144-warhorses-top-10-rules


01/24/2012 08:54 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

You really have been through the wars, haven't you?

Welcome to the group. You'll find lots of support and encouragement here. Feel free to vent.

Big hugs.


01/24/2012 09:36 AM
mem2514

Sorry for your pain....as you can see the behavior will not change. You need to look at Warhorse ten commandments if you want any possibility of having a relationship with this man. If he does not follow the rules....and even if he does there is not guarantee of normalcy....my suggestion is cutt your losses and move on because IT WILL NOT GET BETTER.

My prayers are with you,

sadsad


01/24/2012 09:47 AM
ThenandNow
Posts: 16
Member

Thank you for your kindness and quick response. The rules are great!

I've changed the locks and security code several times. He still breaks into the house and when the alarm company called he said he is my husband and its ok. I called them and told i never authorized anyone on my accout and refused to pay the fee for them turning the alarm off on that occassion. According to my attorney I can change my locks but can't stop him from breaking in because we are still legally married. Ugh!

I'm so exhausted from all of this.


01/24/2012 09:52 AM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

You have the option to legally separate. If you do that, he should no longer have legal access to your house. You could also get a restraining order against him to keep him from breaking in as well.

You sound so tired and fed up. I feel for you.


01/24/2012 09:54 AM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Then: THIS is why I would never live another day in my life without a DOG!!!!!! Think about it!

Husband may be able to get by the 'security system'.... But the best security system in the world is ADT--ATTACK DOG TECHNOLOGY.

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