Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Hi everyone! How goes?

I have recently been diagnosed as having BP after years of going through all kinds of medication etc..and finally I am on valproate...which I am pleased to say seems to be working.

I am doing my best to stay well as I also have a type of Somataform Disorder in which periods of extreme moods bring on paralysis. This has been life changing for me.

My problem is that my ex b/f I suspect also has the same and though I am qualified as a Counsellor (making the processes a little easier to understand)..I am not sure if I can see straight!

He seems to be unable to let go of me even though he left me. Over the last 17 months he has ;Stalked me and friends, hacked into my online accounts ie;email etc (even though he didn't have passwords), set up fake aliases on FB (9), added family I don't even know yet, PN calls early am but to mention a few. A couple of months ago, apparently he said he was Widowed (We weren't married) yet he never told me he loved me once. He is fine letting the world know how he feels about me but when it comes to telling me..he just can't do it. It is like he thinks I should 'know'

He posts songs about getting back together, pictures that relate to his mood and a few weeks ago I was with a friend out for lunch. He happened to turn up where I was...got a friend of his I don't know to try and hit on me. I sent a text a day or two later saying 'like you say..you don't just stop loving someone' and that I am not looking for a new relationship (thinking that was what it was about)...wished him happy xmas...trying to get closure..but no..a few days after that he called me early in the morning..I answered it..he hung up. Then he rang it twice and hung up...Like it was a cue to call him. I sent a last text just before new year..basically saying living with hate in the heart only makes us unhappy. What I did to hurt him I cannot change but my apology is sincere. ...Best wishes...then I changed my number and am not on any networking sites.

I don't know enough about BP to know especially as we haven't talked properly since a year last August.. The only friend I ever talked to about it died 3 days ago and I just don't know what to do. Have I done enough. Has he lost interest or will these actions provoke him even more? Can anyone shed some light on this please as I am honestly in the dark!

Much love and thanks

Zabs xx

There's a great book called "The Gift of Fear". The author is an expert on stalking, and he says that every contact with the person only fuels their stalking. For example, if he calls 30 times and you answer the 30th call to tell him not to call anymore, all he's learned is that it takes 30 calls to get you to talk to him.

My suggestion is that you stop all contact with him. Block him on facebook, block his calls, etc. Don't call him and don't answer if he calls you. He will lose interest if you stop responding in any way and he will move onto someone else.

I'm assuming that you want him to lose interest in you, of course. If not, ignore my post.

Wow that is freaky!

I guess I felt sorry for him for a long while...(I found his Psych's appointment letter so he has accessed treatent services..deliberabetly, on purpose of course) but whatever I do it's always wrong. While I HAVE done wrong in r/ship..it wasn't with the intensity or level that he is doing.

I have changed my number...I do not use social networking. I do not frequent places he does...we don't have mutual friends (anymore..as I trust no one now)

I think once he realises..he will be vex..but from then..I have no idea what he will do..but anything has go to be better than the constant'edge like' feelings. I think what has been the 'light' is that I am going through the most horrendous part of life right now..and he cannot even allow me the time to heal from that..this is what has been that has made me question his motives..his mental health and his 'love' ( however distorted) I finally feel like..WHATEVER is going on for him..I GAVE him opportunity after opportunity to talk to me..I KNOW his days revolve around the next 'how' I have figured such for myself..but only now I am getting a glimpse of how ill he really is. When he (suggessted I should be on Lithium)and his Sister (older sister I might add) asked me if I have Schizophrenia..I should have known..and only now...when she said 'have you tried No Contact..because it's clear you cannot be together right now. He is calling me because he can't cope anymore' Of course I filled her in on his 'coping strategies' which were clearly unknown..and the tone on the conversation changed..as to be more sympatheic to me.

As I am sure people on here and on other sites can verify..there are two types of NC. One for 'reconciliation' and then 'ours'. I feel I am beginning to understand what that means.

Unfortunately, I do not believe that he will simply move on...when you have Platinum..Pewter ain't all it cracked up to be..basic psychology..and seeing as he believes he 'owns' me.. I think that that is unlikely he will do so. We will see how REAL NC goes.

I just thank God that I did not have children with him...as many times as he tried..implied...made it sound that all would be great ect. Because I don't believe anything that can be said would conquer my fear of raising another child alone (from a previous r/ship - violent and with alcohol and drugs misuse)

Sorry about the last part of my post I guess I just need to get it out.

Thanks for reading

Much love

Zabs xx

Post edited by: Zabs, at: 01/02/2012 03:31 AM