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12/30/2011 12:47 PM

i wasn't going to post anymore but

edwellb
edwellb  
Posts: 32
Member

this is the one place i can go to where people understand my situation. i thought, once mike had gone, painful as it was there would be no need to be here. i'm no longer the wife of a bipolar sufferer....just the forgotten ex.it feels like years since he walked out, not weeks.

my anger has taken over from the pain. financially he has almost ruined me but you have to go on don't you.i look forward to the day i feel nothing at all. luckily i'm quite shallow so am sure that'll be any day now!

emotionally i'm a mess, bitter and spitting tacks but that's temporary. i'm sure i'll be a little ray of sunshine soon.

physically i'm a bit of a mess too....lost a lot of weight these last 2,3 weeks.got shingles...ouchies! and because of my stroke i'm very weak anyway but there's not even any footpaths to walk on in this town that time forgot.thank you mike for giving me the cold shoulder until i relented and bought this house with it's dripping fecking ceiling and it's unfriendly insular population.

the thing that worries me is not long before he left i joined the church. well...attended it. but since he's left my new-found faith has wavered all over the place, i have been blaspheming on an hourly basis it seems and although i believe in jesus, i have been feeling like a cosmic joke.i hardly feel worthy to worship him.

sorry for burbling at you.....strokey people do that. i'm just grateful for the opportunity to do it. thank you for the hugs too .

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12/30/2011 12:55 PM
timeforme
timeformePosts: 565
Senior Member

Anger is good, it helps with the separation. I was really angry for quite a while after my ex moved out and it still pops up once in a while. The emotions do start to fade over time, so you just need to ride it out. It's better to feel everything now as it comes and not have to deal with it years down the road.

HUGS to you and I hope you are feeling better soon!


12/30/2011 12:56 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

Edwellb: You DO NOT HAVE TO LEAVE... Many girls here are trying to recover from spouses that have left. WE ALL LOVE YOU AND WILL SUPPORT YOU on your journey to wellness. I'm sorry you're not feeling physically well. Life will get better. We will do our best to help you.

Mine is still physically present but left me emotionally long ago. We are all on a different path, and yet we're still on the Yellow Brick Road together.


12/30/2011 01:04 PM
edwellb
edwellb  
Posts: 32
Member

timeforme: anger is much better than blubbering every 5 minutes, usually in public. anger, i know how to deal with.anger is an old friend.though, it kinda goes against the word of christ.

warhorse: will you leave him when the pain fades?


12/30/2011 01:06 PM
Gypsymermaid
Gypsymermaid  
Posts: 959
Member

Edwellb, Don't leave us. We need you here. Your healing process helps to sharpen and strengthen us. Just knowing that you made it through, that you are looking to the future, it gives others hope. Sometimes we need to know that we are stronger than we think. I hear real strength and appreciation from you. You are a survivor. Gotta admire that.

12/30/2011 01:09 PM
edwellb
edwellb  
Posts: 32
Member

gypsy: lol, i'm not leaving...i need you all too much. just wish there was a site like this in nz.

12/30/2011 01:14 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13310
Group Leader

i went off on the lady at the Department of Motor Vehicles

i understand.


12/30/2011 01:20 PM
Gypsymermaid
Gypsymermaid  
Posts: 959
Member

Oh yes. The anger. It worries me too. I do think it has toughened me up though. I really needed toughening up.

12/30/2011 01:38 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13310
Group Leader

i was ANGRY for about a year.

i think it was healthy for me

i mean, really

there was so much to be mad at.

i had lived in the reality of DONT BE MAD

ACCEPT THIS BULLSHIT OR ELSE

uh

not feeling

stuffing the emotion

making excuses

waiting on God to fix it

trying to fix it myself

getting mad

and staying mad

was a necessary part of the change

that was so desperately needed .

WELCOME

to your recovery.

xo xo xo


12/30/2011 01:41 PM
edwellb
edwellb  
Posts: 32
Member

livinginablender: i think everyone goes off at ladies from the department of motor vehicles. lol. it's a prequisite of owning a vehicle.as i said, right now, anger works.
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