MDJunction - People Helping People
 
Ask a Question
12/26/2011 08:27 PM

Trying to love myself today(page 2)

sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2397
VIP Member

Big hugs to V!!! Take it in increments... hour by hour...then Day by day...then week by week....then month by month... you can do it!

(((Vigilante)))

Reply
 

12/27/2011 08:51 AM
mem2514

As I read through all of these comments it is also sad that we don't have a better support system in our lives from other people. Sure, i have friends and family that care and they try....but I don't think any of them truly understand how devestating this is nor they understand how this disease affects our loved ones and thus ourselves.

sadsad


12/27/2011 09:03 AM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2397
VIP Member

Oh I know. I have heard the saying "He's a looser! Don;t think about him anymore!" so many times.

Now-- easier said than done....


12/27/2011 09:38 AM
rainflower
 
Posts: 646
Member

I can understand why we do not though. Even we cannot understand half the time why we put up with what we do. Out of love, yes... but look at what we sacrifice. As an outsider it is frustrating to watch someone you care about self destruct. In their eyes, our actions are like how we see our exbso. Just like how our ex destroys him or herself by not getting treatment (for whatever reason), We are destroying ourselves by being with this person... or even just thinking about this person and wishing for this person to come back.

Situations like these, they are so out of the ordinary.... so devastating that many cannot believe this can really happen. Hell, even we cannot believe it half the time. They defy reality. Unless you have been through it yourself, it's just something you cannot understand. Quite honestly, I don't want people to understand because it means that they have been through the same hell I have gone through. That is why I warn anyone who asks if that person will come back to run the other way as fast as he or she can. Save yourself before it becomes too hard to let go. It breaks my heart when I see people walking down the path I so foolishly chose.


12/27/2011 05:30 PM
VigilanteK
Posts: 82
Member

The more time that passes with her being gone, the more I see how messed up her behavior towards me was. I think its in my best interest to wash my hands of her, to give up completely. I'm just not there yet. I get frustrated because most people in her life have no idea about this unhealthy side of her. I know her better than anyone, so she pushes me away. I looked at her blog last night. She got into a bad car accident last week and totaled her car. It wasn't her fault. She's okay from what I've read on her blog. My first thought was, "well there's some karma for you." I say that because I had given her some money to fix her car, thinking we were still together. She took the money and then later told me we had already broken up. But then I felt sad. Sad because I can't be there for her. Sad because she doesn't reach out to me. She doesn't want me in her life and she was okay with ending it on such a horrible note. I have a lot of conflicted feelings. I hate her and I love her and I want so desperately for her to apologize like she has SO many times before. Its been a month since I saw her and we had our fight or whatever the hell that was. A whole month and she hasn't apologized. What scares me and hurts the most is I think she doesn't think she owes me anything at all. So disappointing. I know she's better than this, I've seen it. I really believed in her getting better. I said I would stand by her through thick and thin. She is losing a really incredible person and that is her loss. I must remind myself to let go and let God. Take care of myself and love myself.

Post edited by: VigilanteK, at: 12/27/2011 05:40 PM


12/27/2011 06:08 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2397
VIP Member

V, I am very proud of you. You are so much farther than I was. Not blaming yourself and recognzing her limitations is the first step. The common thread here seems to be the extreme nature of the break-up. So traumatic, etc. It totally rocks you to the core. Waiting for that apology...I know that feeling. That angst... Everything you say, I agree with. I heard apology after apology, too. I thought for sure I would get an apology from his extreme betrayal. I thought my ex knew better and had more heart than he did. However, he would gain nothing for apologiing to me anymore. I guess his self-respect and dignity weren't important enough for him... Until they get stabilized, they will never realize. And then, there may be personality disorders in the way preventing an apology...

Let go and let God... a motto we should all have...


12/27/2011 06:17 PM
VigilanteK
Posts: 82
Member

My ex can't seem to be honest with herself. That's why I was pushed out of her life. Its easier for her to blame my mental stability than to look at herself. When I saw your screen name "scblondie", I got scared for a second. My ex lives in South Carolina and has blond hair. But she is much too private about her problems and doesn't reach out to others for help, so she wouldn't be on a forum like this.

Post edited by: VigilanteK, at: 12/27/2011 06:18 PM


12/28/2011 11:11 AM
VigilanteK
Posts: 82
Member

sososad51, I do sometimes blame myself...only a little though and I stop myself. Sometimes I wish I had given her more space. But I also realize that no matter what I would have done she was going to be a jerk. I needed to send her that last email in which I stood up for myself. She told me it was inappropriate. Sometimes I start to wonder if I really am as unhealthy as she paints me as. Then I look at how far I've come and I know that she does not see me as I truly am. That really sucks. And I know that regardless of who she thinks I am, it isn't okay to treat a person the way she has treated me. I often become so baffled with her inability to be rational. She's a damn social worker! You would think she would be compassionate and understanding with me. But she's not. It's like everything she learned in school is disregarded when it comes to me.

Post edited by: VigilanteK, at: 01/03/2012 03:25 PM


12/28/2011 11:35 AM
rainflower
 
Posts: 646
Member

I find blaming myself is the easiest way for me to find rationality in such an irrational situation. Afterall, doesn't it make more sense to think it's something you did that would cause such a crazy reaction? It is also easier to fix a mistake you have done than make someone else fix their mistake. We are in control of our actions, we have no control over someone else's.

My step father's ex wife is a psychiatrist. My step father has nightmares where he screams and makes inhuman screeches because he's remembering his past with her. My oldest step brother when he spoke about her last year said that she is getting worse.... and yet she has the power to prescribe medication to others.


12/28/2011 12:15 PM
VigilanteK
Posts: 82
Member

rainflower, I know what you mean about the blame. I can fix me but I can't fix her. I've apologized for so much stuff and I don't even know why anymore. But I'm not taking on her crap anymore, I'm done.

scblondie, sounds like we have a lot in common with our exes. I have a mental health diagnosis and she knows that and we met when I was not healthy. I have come very far and I almost don't fit the criteria for my diagnosis anymore. When my ex becomes crazy and really mean, I do cry and get upset (I think anyone would). She then blames my diagnosis and tells me I'm not stable. When she is not crazy she acknowledges how far I've come. I know that this rollercoaster crap in our relationship is not me, it's her bipolar and whatever else is going on. I'm not afraid to look at myself, acknowledge and work on my issues. But I've grow enough to know that I'm not blaming myself for her stuff. I had a relationship that ended probably 7 years ago and it was due to me being unhealthy. When my bipolar ex sent me the last email she said "I didn't want to be another relationship ending like the last one but...." And then she proceeded to cut me out of her life. When I think about that it makes me so angry. When she gets crazy she is always saying "I'm not going to take care of you!" This would make sense if that was what I was trying to get her to do but I'm not. Trying to have a rational, respectful relationship is not trying to get someone to take care of you. That's her way of ignoring her terrible behavior. And I can't do anything at all now because it will only confirm to her and her social worker crazy brain that I am a needy, unstable person.

Reply

Share this discussion with your friends:
<< Start < Prev 2 Next > End >>


Disclaimer: The information provided in MDJunction is not a replacement for medical diagnosis, treatment, or professional medical advice.
In case of EMERGENCY call 911 or 1.800.273.TALK (8255) to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Read more.
Contact Us | About Us
Copyright (c) 2006-2014 MDJunction.com All Rights Reserved