Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Thanks, Invis. You're words are always so profound and meaningful to me. I have copied and pasted some of your posts and writing & put in my healing journal on my computer for me to read over & over...

sososad: Thanks for your kind words. It truly means a lot to me for you to say that.

Thank you, invisiblenyc. Your feedback means a lot. I've been struggling today and it was helpful to read that.

Big hugs to V!!! Take it in increments... hour by hour...then Day by day...then week by week....then month by month... you can do it!

(((Vigilante)))

vigilante: Do your best to be strong and also be strong and wise enough to let yourself be honest with yourself or others that you feeling distraught or isolated. Everyone here is in your corner. We all know how hard this experience can be on a person. Big hugs.

Post edited by: invisiblenyc, at: 12/28/2011 06:48 PM

As I read through all of these comments it is also sad that we don't have a better support system in our lives from other people. Sure, i have friends and family that care and they try....but I don't think any of them truly understand how devestating this is nor they understand how this disease affects our loved ones and thus ourselves.

sadsad

Oh I know. I have heard the saying "He's a looser! Don;t think about him anymore!" so many times.

Now-- easier said than done....

I can understand why we do not though. Even we cannot understand half the time why we put up with what we do. Out of love, yes... but look at what we sacrifice. As an outsider it is frustrating to watch someone you care about self destruct. In their eyes, our actions are like how we see our exbso. Just like how our ex destroys him or herself by not getting treatment (for whatever reason), We are destroying ourselves by being with this person... or even just thinking about this person and wishing for this person to come back.

Situations like these, they are so out of the ordinary.... so devastating that many cannot believe this can really happen. Hell, even we cannot believe it half the time. They defy reality. Unless you have been through it yourself, it's just something you cannot understand. Quite honestly, I don't want people to understand because it means that they have been through the same hell I have gone through. That is why I warn anyone who asks if that person will come back to run the other way as fast as he or she can. Save yourself before it becomes too hard to let go. It breaks my heart when I see people walking down the path I so foolishly chose.

The more time that passes with her being gone, the more I see how messed up her behavior towards me was. I think its in my best interest to wash my hands of her, to give up completely. I'm just not there yet. I get frustrated because most people in her life have no idea about this unhealthy side of her. I know her better than anyone, so she pushes me away. I looked at her blog last night. She got into a bad car accident last week and totaled her car. It wasn't her fault. She's okay from what I've read on her blog. My first thought was, "well there's some karma for you." I say that because I had given her some money to fix her car, thinking we were still together. She took the money and then later told me we had already broken up. But then I felt sad. Sad because I can't be there for her. Sad because she doesn't reach out to me. She doesn't want me in her life and she was okay with ending it on such a horrible note. I have a lot of conflicted feelings. I hate her and I love her and I want so desperately for her to apologize like she has SO many times before. Its been a month since I saw her and we had our fight or whatever the hell that was. A whole month and she hasn't apologized. What scares me and hurts the most is I think she doesn't think she owes me anything at all. So disappointing. I know she's better than this, I've seen it. I really believed in her getting better. I said I would stand by her through thick and thin. She is losing a really incredible person and that is her loss. I must remind myself to let go and let God. Take care of myself and love myself.

Post edited by: VigilanteK, at: 12/27/2011 05:40 PM

V, I am very proud of you. You are so much farther than I was. Not blaming yourself and recognzing her limitations is the first step. The common thread here seems to be the extreme nature of the break-up. So traumatic, etc. It totally rocks you to the core. Waiting for that apology...I know that feeling. That angst... Everything you say, I agree with. I heard apology after apology, too. I thought for sure I would get an apology from his extreme betrayal. I thought my ex knew better and had more heart than he did. However, he would gain nothing for apologiing to me anymore. I guess his self-respect and dignity weren't important enough for him... Until they get stabilized, they will never realize. And then, there may be personality disorders in the way preventing an apology...

Let go and let God... a motto we should all have...