Ex is on dating site. I'm not hurt about it. Since I figured a few things out, I see his character clearly.
Don't get me wrong, I was a complete mess for a year and a half, on and off. I am still depressed from the violent break up. (PTSD relapse)
But here is what I want to share.
My perspective is different this time because by really trying to apply some critical thinking, some logic, and asking myself some honest questions.
Some questions I asked:
Does he miss me?
>Of course he misses me. Of course your ex misses you. Why wouldn't he/she? Think of all you did to meet his requests. To satisfy his needs and wants. It's a cold world out there. That's a fact.
How can he just be with someone else, just move on, so cold, so detached?
>Easy answer. They have learned how to detach quickly. It is a coping mechanism. Their way of dealing with their illness, instead of taking meds and going to therapy, is not conventional like a healthy person. They understand they have to consume themselves with finding that "fix" or "gratification of love, or drugs, or alcohol, power to seduce, power to manipulate....yuck. You get it. They are desperate.
(ok ok ...sorry of I'm hurting feeling out there, but I am talking bout non compliant and abusive people who happen to also be BP)
Why does he think I don't love him even though I try to please his critical nature?
> they can' t receive , can't feel satisfied, need to push the limits, need more an more stimulation in order to feel anything. Anything!
What would I say if I contacted him?
>" If only you would get help for your illness , I would stand by you and support you?"
He does not want to hear that I "wil be there for him" , "support him" . He hears something completely different when I say those words. And , trust me, I have been extremely gentle with him. But his entire M.O. Is fooling people in to thinking he is a certain persona, covering up his secrets.! Is this the man I should fight for? A man that puts his ego before everything else? (That's the stuff the guys at Penn State were made of! I don't care how much money that coach threw at charities he funded. He protected himself and others. It doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Case and point, the guy that he reported to authorities continued to work there. That would be a clue that he knew nothing was being done about the abuse) . My point, too much ego can be a grevious offense. So .How far will ex go to protect his image? How much worse can it get? Lots worse! Lots and lots of dirty secrets to cover up to preserve his image.
It's just stupid . A big box O' stupid. No pill for it!
If I think of more questions that help in my healing , I will relay. I hope they help affirm for others that this is about them , not you!
Vent: After reading his profile on that dating site and all the lies that got past me the first time (that's how we met). All the flags popped right out. Like 3-D bullets. "This man is weak" . "This man has to misrepresent himself because historically that's what has worked best for him" . "This man might even go so far as to kill himself if he allowed himself to realize the extent to which he is not really fooling anyone but himself" . I believe he knows that everybody finds out sooner or later. He knows everyone will eventually leave , unless he beats them to the punch and leaves first. It makes sense , a better plan in order to protect his "bubble" , his delusion . It is all he has, because he doesn't want more.
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