Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I went to visit my ex's new rented room with the kids. It is clean and in a nice area. He is in the 2nd floor dormer area of the house. The house is very sparsely decorated with nothing on the walls. It reminded me of a rental unit a new college grad. would move into. Similar to what my ex was living in when we first met. Just a collection of mismatched furniture and the basics.

I felt sorry at first as I drove away. To move from a 3 bedroom townhouse, fully decorated and furnished to this. Then I thought screw him. He chose this lifestyle. He chose to move away from his kids and live like a college kid again.

It is so weird to see this. I just don't understand the decisions.

Has anyone else seen anything like this with their ex or non ex?

Post edited by: timeforme, at: 11/21/2011 11:47 AM

I haven't seen it, but I can just imagine the living situation my ex is in now. He went from a beautiful condo with a sweet dog & cat to living in close to squalor with a bunch of cats. He could have been set up in a gorgeous little house and been really happy now. But, his choices. He couldn't keep his dick in his pants. Threw it all away for a piece of scummy, bimbo bar trash & everyone else with a skanky p---sy or a welcoming butthole. Hope he's happy. What f---cking losers.

i bet that is a strange feeling seeing his new place..would make ya wonder yet again..what is he thinking?

It just made me realize that this is a man who was just itching, itching, itching to get out of married life no matter what the cost was to anyone around him. It reminds me of watching the whole Kutchner/Moore divorce, he so clearly wants out of it.

It is his choice and he is not coming under my roof ever again. I also realized that I was always the one to make wherever we lived feel homey, buying curtains and wall art and such. He has not bothered with that stuff yet.

My psych said that they don't have the skills that would enable them to maintain long term relationships. Like future goal setting, making a financial plan, completing college work. Relationships take the same skills. He finds it easier to be alone, without the demands, because he doesn't have the capability. He doens't understand his limitations and won't take responsibility facing them, so he runs from direction. It's truly sad how sick & damaged they are.

Yes, that sounds about right. Sad and difficult to wrap your head around if you have any ambition past next Tuesday. How can you explain it? You can't.

time4

wow.

yeah.

i get that.

Time4, much like you ex, my ex BP had a 10 year GF he broke it off with (poor girl was devastated I think, still hangs around, sends texts, offers to dog sit, brings the other dogs round to visit him cause "he misses them and that was the hard part about the decision to end it" etc, etc, ) but never anything about what she had to do to recover. They lived together for 10 years. T E N!

Anyway, my point is, I remember thinking , in the beginning of our relationship. How come his house is so sparsely decorated? Why No kitchen table? It had a cold feel. And my ex was a metrosexual. So, it didn't make sense.

Later i realized She did everything. She supplied the relationship.

All this for a man who didn't respect her enough to want to commit to spending his life with her.

She wasn't good enough.

He left her, said she "didn't have anything to offer" "wasn't confident in her abilities" wasn't passionate abbot anything" ,

He tore her down from the time she was 23 . Now she is 35, still carrying that torch for him. Very sad.

You have the right attitude. Be proud. Your ex BP is not respectable. He is not worthy of the title "Man" . He is like a lot of guys out there that just use and abuse woman.

My ex BP objectified me as a woman. It felt like attention at the time. We all want to feel sexy and loved. Boy, Did I dodge a bullet. Learning over time the " garage talk" as he called it. The dehumanizing way he talked about females and viewed the. He has Mommy issues. ( I'm guessing she was not right in her ways either) He gets depressed on her birthday and death, it's been three years. Yet, he didn't show up the day she was found dead. The rest of the family , mostly his SIL and her Mom took care of everything. He is out to punish whoever doesn't love him the way he wants, and I think he always has been.

He is the true definition of a loser. It doesn't matter how much someone accomplishes in their professional life, or how much they make, the things they can afford to buy, none of that matters. Because what makes you a loser is your inability to "overcome" obstacles in your personal life and do it without all the stupid tactics and manipulations, and lies that losers use. It's easy to cheat people. Easy to fool people. Anyone can do it, cause anyone can be fooled.

I am a warrior. I am a survivor.

From all this, I am even firmer in my belief..." Take no shit from anyone" . God did not intend for us to serve those who are self serving. If someone is twisted or scrambled, doesn't have good intentions, a peaceful outcome in view, then my opinion is GOODBYE.

Post edited by: Gypsymermaid, at: 11/27/2011 12:00 AM

Post edited by: Gypsymermaid, at: 11/27/2011 12:04 AM

Time,

I have experienced something similar with my husband and have been wondering if others had too. During what I now understand to be his second episode while I've been with him, he sold his 3 bedroom house and moved into a one bedroom apartment very close to the apartment he lived in when we first met. That was about 7 years ago, and we had been seeing each other for 4 years at the time. Apparently, he had orginally planned on moving into my house after selling his...but I wasn't aware of this plan and he didn't tell me until after his episode subsided months later! He also told me he was going to propose, but then couldn't.

He later moved to Chicago for a one-year work assignment for which he was able to convince his boss. During his time there, he apparently realized he wanted me in his life. I visited him, and his condo was extremely sparse.

Six months ago, shortly after our 2nd wedding anniversary, he ran away from the beautiful new house we built together and into an apartment that is merely blocks from his former house. Although he cleared out one level of furniture while I was on a work trip, he didn't take any basics (plates, utensils, etc.).

It's like he needs to start his life over every few years...without me in it. And he seems to revert back to areas in his past. Until earlier this year, I thought he just had a problem with commitment. Wow, was I wrong!

Curls, It seems as if his cycles are slow. Every couple years or so? Is he medicated? It's so amazing that they do that. such a horrible disease.