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Gypsymermaid Posts: 959
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You don't deserve that rudeness. He is being inconsiderate and insensitive. Here is what you do. When he starts criticizing you (jerk) , Just recall the mental image of all of his flaws and "uglies" . Recall the snapshot in your mind. Or if it makes you feel better , make a list of them here. Make fun of him here. Get MAD! (BTW, mine didn't feel like making love to me either. ) Here is a lost of my BP 's uglies: Flabby , flabby , flabby tummy, boobs, and cellulite like I have never seen before on a man! Skinny, knobby knees and legs. A nose you could park an airplane in. Crazy, wide eyes. Big love handles. Huge! Gypsymermaid
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ellswim  Posts: 203
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My ex said that to me both times he left me. He would say he wasn't attracted to me and couldn't be with someone who he wasn't attracted to. I'm in good shape and am pretty good looking...in other words...it's the crazy talking. Just remember that. It doesn't matter what you look like or how much you weigh. He's sick. I know it hurts so bad...it gave ma definite complex. |
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sososad51  Posts: 1985
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Let's not forget that unmedicated BP have no filter, poor impulse control and the lack of ability to sustain long term relationships. They seem to seek the drama constantly. In a marriage, there are up's & down's. You can't be "in love" with someone all the time. Anyone in a long term marraige will tell you it is work on both sides, and if people tell ou differently, they are lying. It's that lack of "follow through" the ability to see things into completion that they just don't have when so unstable. Love & committment keep you together and those feelings ebb & flow. On both sides. When they are feeling that normal lacking, they right away think there is something wrong with the relationhship and use every blaming technique they can to shirk responsibility. |
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sallyo  Posts: 3353
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Very true about the lack of an emotional filter, sosad. Hubby still says mean things every once in a while, especially when he's in a bad cycle, including insulting my body (excuse me; I'm middle-aged and had 5 children; and I will never be 30 again). It is irritating, but I know where it's coming from. That's when I put on thick skin, ignore the hurtful comments, and let him know when he's gone too far. He always backs down when he knows he has, and makes it up to me. This is also why it is so important to work on our own sense of self worth. www.sallyosmusings.blogspot.com |
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timeforme  Posts: 565
Senior Member
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Hi sadmom and welcome to the group. My ex said many mean and hurtful things to me after he first moved out. He had so much anger and resentment built up in his head than it just came bursting out of him at me. At first I just sat and listened to it thinking I was doing the right thing. I had started finally reading about BP and though it would help him to just get it out. Then I got pissed and fought back on some of the accusations he was making. That basically made him shut up and stop throwing the verbal vomit at me. It stopped back in July/August time frame and now we only communicate about the kids. I can now see that his verbal abuse was taking a toll on me physically and mentally and I was being beat down to an emotional low point. If you decide to stay with your husband while he is going through a cycle. It is very important that you do not allow him to verbally abuse you in this way. Walk away and don't listen to it. No one deserves to hear something that cold and mean thrown in their direction. Most important of all is that he get treatment. If he remains untreated, the cycles will only repeat themselves again and again. Good luck. I am not a doctor and my opinion should only be regarded as such. I hope I can help others with my advice. |
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sadsadhubby  Posts: 589
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How to deal with the cruelty....Have you heard of the two southern bells? One says to the other..."My daddy bought me a white dress so I can go to the ball"....the other one says "thats nice." "My daddy bought me a white coach to go with my white dress so I can go to the ball"....the other one says "thats nice". "My daddy bought me 2 white horses, to go with my white coach, that goes with my white dress so I can go to the ball"....the other says "thats nice"/ "What did your daddy ever do for you"? ...."Well, my daddy sent me to finishing school...there they teach you how to say 'thats nice' instead of 'F-U!!!!" Thats how I deal with it. sadsad I just thought things would go back the way they were because I thought that there was still a wonderful person with a heart that still loved me.
---why we stay with them, thanks sososad51
My love for her is eternal...see you in heaven.
Well, maybe not...that was then and this is now. Not enough of me...so all my love to my son, self, and future "her".
I've moved on physically and mentally....but my heart does'nt want to come along for the ride.
...thanks DrDiva
I have always been able to fix things....I can't "fix" this.
....Thanks, Southerskies
Stop living in hope....move on.
This disease changes our loved ones into becoming the monsters we never knew existed.
I have learned to mourn the Death of a Living person....for the one I loved 'died' years ago.
thanks, Crushedheart
We Will Never Forget...that they are the crazy ones not us! |
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Gypsymermaid Posts: 959
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I agree, you can't keep going through that, there will be nothing left of you. Eventually you must execute a strategy for change For YOU! Your gonna become someone you don't like if you criticize him back. And you have to stand up for yourself. So the choice of a temporary separation seems logical. Gypsymermaid |
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sososad51 Posts: 1985
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so, when my ex said mean things, he just couldn't understand why I withdrew and didn't want to talk to him. Um...natural consequences... He would say "When I call you a f---king b---ch it doesn't mean anything. You and your boundaries. You don't know what love is." |
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athingapart Posts: 34
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I am almost ashamed to admit this, but I too have dealt with this. I gained some weight after a procedure and I got, "Fat girl pretty face." It's etched in my brian. Yes, in time I learned to eat because I couldn't take the pain. Luckly, that has stopped now he is gone. The weight is coming off. I also heard, "I only asked you to marry me because that is what I thought I was suppose to do." The words are so painful. Very painful. They go round and round in the head. And then there was the semiregular you are a "cxxt, a nag, a shrew, a bxxxh" And then, if he was in the right place, he would hang his head in shame and say he didn't mean it. Any of it. And then he would do it again. |
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sososad51 Posts: 1985
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Words are painful. I still remember everything he said. Probably the thing that hurt the worst was when I hadn't seen him in a while and we were going to have sex. He sat in my bed like a little boy scowling saying "Great, gotta get ready for the same boring sex." That still cuts. Or "I'll be be glad to be rid of you." Or "It's gonna take me a week to get over this break up. What does that tell you think what I thought about our relationship?" |
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