Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror getting washed up and I glanced up and saw a sad, pathetic, broken girl. I talked to her. I said:

You deserve to be more than just an option.

You are never going to be more than an option for him. He never will commit and marry you. If he did, he would have during this last week. He wouldn't cut ties randomly for no reason. He wouldn't hide behind God. God gave him this chance to work things out. He chooses to still keep his options open.

You don't deserve to be something he can fall back on until something better comes along.

You deserve the marriage you want, but you aren't going to get it with him.

I watched that girl frown, open her mouth to defend him. That defiance slowly melted into a sad smile. I watched that girl fall apart and cry. Sob. I watched her crumble as reality smashed into her. I watched those tears fall faster and faster as I tore apart the delusional hope she held onto. Perhaps it will be back tomorrow. However, at least for tonight. I saved her from it. I pulled her out of that denial...at least for one night.

As of now, I feel he won't be back... However, I have felt that way before and he popped up again. It could be tomorrow, weeks, months...years... who knows...I just hope I am strong enough by then. I held him at an arm's length this time, I had my armor on. I pointed my sword at him... and he somehow during that one week got under all of that.

HIM: "what am I to you?"

ME: "eh? You're someone who I care deeply for. What am I to you?"

HIM: "the person I want to settle down with someday."

HIM: "would it make you feel better if I told you that someday I'll make your favorite dinner for you?"

His poisonous words still are in my mind, my heart. He may be a good person, but even good people are capable of evil.

So, with that said... Ladies and gentlemen, I have a question for you all... what do you DESERVE? What do you NOT deserve? Perhaps writing it down here will help you strengthen you.

I deserve happiness and peace, security, to be able to be myself and that be okay, I deserve to be respected and to have someone respectable, I deserve to be treated as an equal...just as important as my mate and to be the most important to him, to ask for what I want, to be able to say no, to express my feelings, to not be responsible for others, to be honest and expect honesty, to receive as much love and devotion as I give. I don't deserve anything less.

I'm glad you pointed your sword tonight, rainflower. Hang in there.

Post edited by: bailey19, at: 11/08/2011 07:11 PM

Post edited by: bailey19, at: 11/08/2011 07:15 PM

Unless the next time he calls he has a ring and a wedding set... I can't keep doing this.

And he wouldn't do that. As much as I'd like him to.... Now it's back to wondering when the next call will happen/ if it will happen so I can tell him that and just be done with it. I'm tired of hurting...Of being hurt. Of being let down.

But you told that girl in the mirror that she deserves the marriage she wants and that she isn't going to get it with him.

She won't because he wont do it. That's why when I talk to him again that's what I'll tell him and when he says he cannot do it, then I'll be done. I think I've been too afraid to spell it out because i know once I do. He will say he can't and then it's really done.

Does that make sense? My allergy meds are kicking in and they're making me feel like I'm about to fall asleep

Post edited by: rainflower, at: 11/08/2011 08:17 PM

Accountability and transparency from my mate, for starters.

Post edited by: Gypsymermaid, at: 11/08/2011 10:03 PM

Rain, Don't accept a proposal of marriage! Danger, Danger, Danger. Don't have children with this man in this cycle of abuse you are in with him.

rain

i hope he doesn't propose marriage cz it sounds like you will marry him..I know there are successful marriages with a bipolar spouse.(but keep in mind NO marriage is just easy, especially one with a mentally ill partner) .but I can tell you my feelings based on my past..why did I marry him? biggest mistake ever!! now divorced, still suffering because he refuses to let me go, now there is a person I love/hate (depending on his mania/depression/stability). The repurcussions continue. My fear is that they will end in his suicide. I agree with Gypsy, DANGER! you don't realize it now, but someday you will.

Don't worry. He won't. I suppose it's my way of giving a task so impossible that I have no choice, but to move on once he officially says he cannot. If he truly wanted to do his, he would have already. Yes, we were before, but it wasn't "official" because there was no ring or dates set. See? He's all talk. Besides. That's not the only factor. I'd expect him to work and to go to therapy. These two things must be HIS idea though. I refused to tell him what I wanted when we spoke for a reason. I wanted to see what he was capable of on his own. What HE decided on his own. As of now he has the crazy notion of becoming a police officer or joining the military. I said nothing to stop him. Why should I? Unlike what he kept telling me, what I say really does not matter. If I mattered, he would not be ignoring me right now. And it's not like I'm waiting for him to call, I even called and got no call back. That's rude. I know his dad has a biopsy soon and surgery... But that is no reason to shut me out.

Going to therapy to help HIMSELF (and not to complain about a relationship) and actually fully committing to me (and letting go of having options) are two things he can never do. It makes me sad, but once I tell him what I expect of him, that's when this game will end. Peter pan doesn't want to grow up. He wants to keep flying away whenever there's a hint of expectations. Of having to commit. Of having to face his problems.

I'd like to say he won't have the balls to call me after this stunt, but then again I thought that before.

ok rain, I see what you are saying. just remember him not calling and not having a "reason" not too, well that is because they do things that don't make sense all day long..the bipolar makes the thinking so abnormal..

hugs rain, I hope you have a good day!