Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Hey guys and gals!!

Anyone care to share their happy stories from getting away from a bad relationship with someone who's irresponsibly bipolar? I'd like to know what I can look forward to on a positive note. A lot of these threads are about the trials and tribulations and the struggle to cope with loving someone who is irresponsibly (denial/unmedicated/etc) bipolar. I've sure read a ton about what to expect if I stay married to one, well how about those that have broken free... How about some success stories! I'd bet that after the dust settles and you can gain some perspective, that a lot of you that aren't in that relationship anymore are happy about it... True...? I'm looking for all the incentive I can gather to remain positive and try and look at the bright side of the impending failure of my marriage. I mean, what could the drawbacks possibly be to not having to deal with this anymore... Wouldn't seem like many.

All of mine are success stories cause I got out. I walked on egg shells, was naive. I'm better now, so life is better now. Being in an unhealthy relationship transcends in to all aspects of your life. And being a caregiver to someone always in crisis by their own choice cause they are too stupid and selfish to get a plan together and have a better life.....bla blah blah ...See! even recalling what it was like , even though it is long over , may 2007 from me. (ex husband) wastes space in my mind. My point, the leaving is just part of the recovery. But count it as a success. Count each victory in your own personal growth a success. In the end it's about finding peace.

Hi Vacancy:

I'm so glad you asked this question, because it's something I plan to discuss with my counselor this week. My bipolar exBF left several months ago. At first it hurt and hurt and hurt. But now there ARE silver threads among the weeds.

I come home to a peaceful, quiet, lovely place of my own. He was incredibly messy and disorganized and was constantly in a state of either agitation or depression. I'm a fairly light sleeper but I really need my eight hours nightly. I wasn't getting it because he had chronic insomnia and was often up and out of bed and back again several times per night, snacking or going on the computer or pacing the halls. When he did sleep he was restless and snored a lot.

All this commotion in my home played havoc with my psyche. When he went in the hospital toward the end, I got the best sleep I'd had in months.

It was a relief to know where he was and that he was getting help.

But he left anyway, and now that a bit of time has passed, I feel pretty tranquil MOST of the time. I have time now to read, which I couldn't do with him in the house. I can't say exactly why. It was something about his negative energy. He was always smoldering about something or other, cursing under his breath or in the shower and when he did feel like talking, it was often to make gloomy pronouncements about life in general, how we're all on our way to physical decline and death, etc. Real cheery stuff. I'm SO glad I no longer hear this stuff.

It was really pulling me down. The loneliness occasionally does that now, but a good portion of the time, I'm fine being alone.

From both my experience with this and from all I've read since, when you're with someone who is newly diagnosed, or diagnosed and off meds, or even on meds but worrying about side effects, almost everything in the relationship seems to be caught up in the BP undertow. I feel like a strong swimmer who suddenly got pulled under without knowing it, got carried way out to sea by the current, and finally came up for air. I can see the shore of peace and acceptance in the distance, and I'm gradually making my way toward it.

I don't miss the mess, the stress or the chaos, and you won't either. Give yourself time. I'm not even looking to replace the relationship. For the time being, I'm working on me. I get plenty of great exercise,

I make myself nutritious, eye-appealing meals, I play with my dog more, I've read through half of the books I've been wanting to read, and, in general, I'm getting back to the person I was before the BP rollercoaster slammed into my life. Good luck to you, and I hope this helped!

I'm still in the thick of it, Vacancy. My story is similar to yours, but I'm nine years older than my BPII husband. At some point they have to take responsibility for themselves and their own mental health. If there is a family member of hers that you feel you can talk to, maybe they can become her de facto caretaker for now. Is the house a rental or do you own it? If you can get out of being responsible for paying for her in every way, she will probably be triggered with a bit more anger when ahe realizes, but then again, it may send her into depression sooner from what I've read. Meantime you can do what is possible to pile up money for an escape hatch and /or healthier life with the wife when she comes back fund. My husband's employment has been spotty and this diagnosis is now an explanation at least. It truly bites on a practical level ( logistically and financially), and it is a deep emotional wound that breaks one's heart and hurts like holy hell. Deep wounds either kill you or take an indefinitely long time to heal. I've decided that I don't get taken down that easily. Must be how I've stayed with him for 13 years. But I'm not taking one more minute of his mouth beating the living crap out of me. I've given over his care to his parents for the time being. If he comes to later, he can come find me in my new house! If not, I have a new life and I can be out of the constant shitstorm. I've presently arrived at the halfway house of the heart. I can take it or leave it.

vacancy

I was divorced in June. but made him leave in Feb. Ditto to the whole sleep thing, you could have been talking about my ex. also some of the "messy" stuff, he cleaned some things but left messes in others, and if going thru an eating stage? ughh..or just the walking on eggshells, that was the worst.

anyway, I won't say it was easy, none of it was, nor was leaving him (some parts were good) but....... my home was peaceful instantly...me and the kids relaxed. we turn up the T.V. loud, dance around, make noise! My body isn't in constant stress wondering what he is lying to me about, or hiding, or waiting for him to get mad and not talk to anyone and stomp around with that different stance he would take, one that I hated.

so yes, the peace is worth so much...there are things I miss, but there are much more that I don't. big hugs!!

Taylynn, it sounds like our two ex-SOs are two peas in a pod. It's a pod I'm glad to be out of, but then there's the void and the futility and wastefulness of it all and the horrible memories of what I went through.....I know I will NEVER forget this, and as for healing, I'm not sure it will ever be 100 percent. But at least I have peace and quiet and order. And I still enjoy some things. Music. Friends. My sweet dog. The way I feel after a good workout and a healthy meal I've prepared for myself. Small blessings that add up, so I keep pursuing them and appreciating them.

My ex was very messy and I used to always joke that I would come home from work and pick up after 3 kids instead of 2. He was pretty childish in many other ways and it is a relief to have him physically gone from the house. I am still not on the healed side of things as the split is from early summer, but the days and weeks are getting better.

I have less physical ailments since he moved out, less headaches and no stomach problems at all anymore. I think my body was subconsciously telling me that this man was no good and I chose to live in denial for a bit. I like having the house to myself once the kids go to sleep, it is very peaceful and quiet. I can watch whatever I want and not be told that my TV preferences are stupid.

It does get better and you will start to see the silver lining as well.