Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

There is no cure for bipolar disorder. There is management of bipolar disorder with meds, therapy, and lifestyle changes that can mean that there are no/few future manic and depressive episodes.

I know that. That's why I have been praying for it!

D,

The things I have uncovered since you went manic have been awful. Why would you not have been honest with me? I was there for you no matter what. you were my best friend.

I hear you and your boyfriend are now fighting a lot. How many fights did we have in our three and a half years? Hardly any. I also hear you moved him into the house and now have to drive him around because he cannot make himself responsible enough to pay his car insurance and car tag. Was this worth going off your meds and "self Medicating"? I hate that term, lets call it what it is, going off your meds and becoming a drunk. Was all of this worth flushing our marriage down the drain?

I have so many questions now, but I know I will never get an answer. I now know you knew who I was before the "message". Was it some dark stalking set up? Or did you just take an action to meet somebody you thought might be interesting then was too embarressed to ever own up to it? I am so confused on if anything was real or not.

I am doing better. I am enjoying things now. I look forward to doing things. I am even starting to look forward to the convention, even if you are there. Even if you sit down at a table next to me. It will not annoy me. I will not look at you with the thoughts of betrayal like I was just a few weeks ago. I will look at you with pity. I would not even look at your bofriend with the burning hate I had weeks ago. Just the thoughts of "geez, what a mess they both are".

Yes, you were so brilliant. Even though my work situation was not ideal, we were supported and lived comfortably. We were able to do things for the girls, and we were able to do things we enjoyed. Now you cant pay your bills, and you are having to support a dead beat that will not let you be with your friends. Glad you are moving in the right life direction in your 40s.

I hope when you hit rock bottom, you have the strength to seek help.

I wish you luck and I pray every day you seek health soon.

Z

The person that would have loved you and worked through anything.

K

This has been a long time coming. I’ve wanted to send this to you in the hopes that you would come back and give our marriage a go. Not for me but for our daughter who all she wants is her mom and dad back…..However a man can only take so much and as the days turned to weeks, the weeks to months, one lie after another I am over you! I wish you would stop telling people that our break up was mutual. I wish you would stop blaming me for driving you to cheat. Yes I was gone 6 months out of the year for WORK…….. YOU STUPID BITCH!!!!! My check went to you and our daughter, so stop telling people you were a single mom!!!! You bring shame to the real single moms out there. YOU WERE NEVER A SINGLE MOM!!!!

Stop telling people I was never there. I came home every weekend, I called every night, I emailed every day. You were the first person I thought of when I got up and the last person I thought of when I went to sleep. I wanted nothing more than to come home to you every day and lay by you in bed. Everything I did I did it for my family (You and M)!!!!

Who got you the job you have now with the Gov’t???? I DID……Who supported you when you went to college for marketing??? I DID……who supported you when you switched to Business Administration after Marketing got too tough after one semester???? I DID……who supported you when you dropped out of Business Administration and went to Medical Billing???? I DID…… who supported you when you left the STATE job you had for some commission based job??? I DID……who supported you without fail when you left that job after 6 months??? I DID!!!! Who shelled out $170.00 so you could do Weight Watchers??? I DID……Who said nothing when you stopped going after two sessions. I did!!!! I could go on but you get the point......I supported you without fail in everything you did.

For the love of god…..JUST STOP with my ex college girlfriend!!! She’s married with two kids and lives in FLORIDA!!!! Yes I did have sex with her ONCE!!!! Before you and I started dating. If you want to talk about cheating let’s talk about cheating. Shall we start with lover #1 the ex marine who was twice married, freely gave up parental rights to his kid in court, works as a stock boy at a grocery store. Your soul mate!!!! Really! you threw away 10 year relationship to screw this a-hole! That man lied more then you did....... which is a tough feat……… considering the lies you have told me since you left. He was a LOSER!!!!!

Let’s talk about your one night stand with the 50 year old guy you met at the bar with your buddy…..Hmm while I’m tending to our daughter you’re in the bed room telling her about the sex you had with this guy. Don’t think I didn’t hear you through the wall as I’m getting our daughter ready for bed. How you never did anything like that before and didn’t know what to say to him when it was over……yeah I heard THAT!!!

Let’s move on to the DATING WEBSITES shall we…….When things went south with lover #1 you opened up accounts on Plenty of Fish, E Harmoney, Tall Friends and Match. You ask how I know….well when charges start popping up on OUR account for Match, and E-Harmoney and our computer search History has Plenty of Fish and Tall Friends in the History it doesn’t take a genius to figure out what you’re doing. Oh and next time you cheat PLEASE….PLEASE use a unique password and not our daughters name!!!!! One other thing if you’re going to cheat it’s not kosher to use your husband’s last name as your username….Just saying!!! FYI I have all your email messages to all the guys you ever emailed. 48 guys in one night DAMN you were desperate.

STOP telling everyone you weren’t looking and it just happened when you met your current LOSER!!!! And yes he is a LOSER who lives at home with his Mommy!!! How’s that working out for you?

YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL, YOU NEED HELP AND YOUR LIFE IS GOING TO BE MISERABLE UNTIL YOU GET THE HELP YOU NEED. I TRIED I REALLY DID……I WANTED NOTHING MORE THEN TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU. I LOVE YOU….STILL DO….ALWAYS WILL. BUT I CANNOT KEEP GOING ON WITH THIS CRAP!!!! I NEED TO MOVE ON FOR OUR DAUGHTER AND FOR MY OWN HEALTH.

STOP BLAMING ME FOR LEAVING OUR FAMILY. YOU MADE THE DECISION TO LEAVE NO-ONE FORCED YOU TO LEAVE, WE COULD HAVE MADE THINGS RIGHT TOGETHER. WE WERE GOING PLACES…….BUT YOU QUIT JUST LIKE YOU DO WITH EVERYTHING ELSE WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH!!!

YOU’RE LOVING HUSBAND

B

I needed that thanks! I think I will be visiting this post a lot!!

Wished I had seen this thread earlier...I was so hurt by he's actions and introducing our child to he's new 'friend' only a matter of weeks since we seperated, I broke my silence, apparently it's all in my head and I should get over it as it was a chance meeting not planned, as if that made it ok.

I need to organise a parenting agreement so going to have communicate with him some how, any ideas? otherwise it's the courts.

Where is the man I once loved?

I think I need to print this out!

The silence in this house (no longer a home, but a prison cell for me) is deafening. I have not heard from you, I do not see you, I do not wake up to you. What I wake up to is the realization I am sleeping on the couch, alone, because I have not been able to sleep in the bed for 3 weeks now, and I wake up to realize that I am still living in this nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I have been hurt, I am scared, I am alone, I am lost and I am needing you! But you don't give a damn! You want to throw away everything we had! You tell me you're not happy! You tell me it was me! Then you tell me you want to be self sufficient and not rely on anyone but yourself! Yet, you sleep in your pothead son's house, with his gun he carries, and he talks crap about me and screws with your mind more and more every day! He doesn't give a crap about you or your happiness! When will you ever get that through your head??? He wants to manipulate you and make you his puppet acting on all that guilt you carry for not being there when he was younger. He thinks you destroyed his life and why can't you see he destroys yours as payback? He hates me because he knows how much I love you and support you and am good for you!

You sit there with your son, his girlfriend and your grandchild, surrounded by others so you don't have to think, feel, face what you have done. I sit here ALONE trying with every ounce of my strength to not just drive my car off a cliff and end this pain and suffering you are putting me through! I have no choice but to sit here and think and feel and face what you have done! I sit here alone in misery! I can't do this anymore! I am no longer the strong person I used to be! I have been through enough in my life and had to be strong one too many times and simply CANNOT do this! I cannot take the pain this is causing me! NO! Saying I am done does not help! NO! Moving on does not help! NO! having faith you're coming home soon does not help! There is no more faith! There is no more moving on! Move on? Start over yet again???? Only to be hurt by you or someone else or have my life partner die again? That's all I have ever done is pick up the pieces and move on my whole life! i can't do this again!

I do not know if this is a manic episode you will be over with soon. I do not know if this is the real you talking and this is what you really want. I do not know if you even know what you really want! ME????? I just want my life back to normal the way it was 22 days ago! Is that too much to ask for? Apparently it is! No one gives a damn what I am feeling or that I am hurting or that I am scared or that I am alone! NO ONE! Most of all NOT YOU!

You tell me not to say I love you! WHY??? How on earth can you say you love me yet turn that off just like a switch????? Everything we have been through together? Everything we planned on and dreamed about? I saw your email to your mother just 5 days before you left me, talking like everything was normal...no plans to ever leave me! What the Hell? Why then? WHY???!!!???

You act like you want to come home, then speak how you don't! NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY BIT OF SENSE TO ME WHATSOEVER!!!!!!!!

You have had 6 doses of the meds again now. It doesn't seem like you are thinking any clearer now. I still do not receive a call or a text from you saying you are sorry or you love me or even that you miss me! There has been no sign of this turning around whatsoever!!!!!! Some tell me to move on, some tell me to give the meds more time, some tell me to have hope. Meanwhile, what I really have is nothing. I have nothing in my life that is joyful anymore, nothing that is meaningful. You??? You are probably having a blast! Living it up! Already forgotten I ever existed! Someone you knew for 22 years! Someone you considered your best friend! Someone you said you wanted to spend the rest of your life with!

Now you need to be independent yet again, just like in January! Oh yeah, same crap you fed me in January! First it was me, then not happy, then self sufficient and independent again was your mantra. Why did you even bother to come home then in January if you were going to repeat this all over again at the end of June? What? Didn't kill me enough the first time? Didn't stick the knife in my heart deep enough last time? Needed to finish me off?

I love you, I do not know what this is all about! I know you were acting not right after the med change, I feared you were getting ready to run. Then you did! Everything in my gut is telling me this is a manic episode and you will come home soon..........yet it has been 6 days longer already than it was in January. Now I am getting scared I was wrong, and you just really did stop loving me just like that. I do not know what to think or feel.

I just need you by my side right now. I am all alone and hurt and scared and lost. I just need anyone by my side right now to hold me and make me feel loved. I feel like yesterday's trash right now. that's all I feel. That's all I know.

Post edited by: Zoey2699, at: 07/21/2012 04:08 PM

Post edited by: Zoey2699, at: 07/21/2012 08:26 PM

Although the facts are different I understand your pain as I feel it too, I really want to write it all down to tell him how he is hurting me...

hugs to you Zoey.

Oh. I only have a second to write. But since the ex has stopped with his meds and cut off communication my anxiety is rising. Can't sleep. Can't read. Cant relax. I wake up from dreams that he is sleeping around to the reality that I just don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And I WISH I didn't care.

And so its true.

He went out and screwed some girl he met at a bar. Lovely.

Since I managed to get that much out of him I ask him if he's still not taking meds. Mind your own business he says. SO I say, I know you are not and let me just tell you, of course you did this, of course you are ignoring me, you ALWAYS do this when you are on your way up. You would think you would learn by now to not trust your thoughts and feelings AND make huge decisions when you are like this. That is the definition of insanity. How do you know this, he says. I laugh like a crazy person...how do I know that, YOU ALWAYS DO THIS to me. (not the sleeping around-but the withdrawing) You want me back after I slept with another person he asks. Put it this way, I say, I never wanted to end this, you are a nice kind person when you are not manic.

And of course, I should say to myself, so I say to on here, he will not take his meds, he sees little that is wrong with him (most of the time), and the true defintion of insanity is ME--try try try and all I get is the same result. I can predict it before it happens I've gotten so good. And yet I haven't given up hope, and that is insane, and VERY VERY hurtful to myself.

I just wonder when I'll care about myself as much as I do about him...Please let it be soon...