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09/14/2011 02:51 PM

Haunting quote from Ex

sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

He had said once, "If we stayed together our lives would be miserable"

Like was making his life miserable? I did everything I could to plan for a happy future. Give him guidance & encouragement he said he needed.

What did I ask of him that was so terrible? Not to drink a whole bottle of scotch at a sitting, help out around house, stay faithful, spend some time with him? Not to put dating profiles on sex sites? Help plan for the future?

I guess those normal boundaries were too much for him. I was apparently the controlling one who "pushed him away with my paranoia."

How the f--ck would I have made his life so f---ing miserable????

thanks for letting me rant... Why can't I get this through my f---ing head??????

Sick Sick Devil Sick Sick Angry Angry Blink Silly Blink Pinch Dizzy Ermm Wassat

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09/14/2011 03:06 PM
taylynn
taylynn  
Posts: 1866
Senior Member

you will G..don't be so hard on yourself...it just takes time...

09/14/2011 04:45 PM
Catbaloo
CatbalooPosts: 6829
Group Leader

What he meant was that YOUR life would be miserable if you stayed together. Think about it and you'll see that he was right: you would have been miserable with him long-term.

He's going to be miserable wherever he goes because he's taking himself with him.

You, on the other hand, are free to move on and be happy and at peace.

Big hugs.


09/14/2011 05:37 PM
hurtwife01
hurtwife01  
Posts: 65
Member

We understand reason, they do not. They are in their own little chaotic fantasy world and are unable to understand logic or reason. Please they believe their own lies. After a while you will heal and once you heal your blessing will come. I'm starting to think I need to do the same and find my own peace of mind.

09/14/2011 06:19 PM
Skyrender12
Posts: 52
Member

^ and that is the worst part about it. Sad

I will never forget some that were aimed at me. In reference to us having kids: "I wouldn't have a dog with you!"

In reference to our problems: "I get fed up and want you gone, then I get stupid and let you back in! I can't talk to you at all without you finding some way to worm your way back in!"

So sorry I tried to love you and not abandon you like everyone else did. Or let you push me away. Too late now. Guess you got what you wanted, but what about me?


09/15/2011 11:03 AM
hurtwife01
hurtwife01  
Posts: 65
Member

Skyrender12,

You will heal with time. It is very painful. You feel stuck! Sad But you did you best and now it's time to take care of you!!!! xo


09/15/2011 11:13 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13304
Group Leader

Truly

we are better off

not living in the abuse.

28 days from now

your perspective will change.

I promise.

Until then, feel whatever it is you need to.

We are here to support you in your process.

xo xo xo


09/15/2011 06:26 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

another quote was "I'll be glad to be rid of you. I'll land just fine. You won't."

Bipolar conversation. cuts to the core. 28 days later & past the addiction. Around the 4th of July, I think. My perspective has changed, just a little bit, I'm afraid. I must be a more "addicted" type. Can't let bad relationships die without blaming myself.


09/15/2011 07:00 PM
sadblueeyes
sadblueeyes  
Posts: 44
Member

28 days? Is that the magic number? I am having such a hard time being strong. I am being better than ever at not initiating any contact. Last time was Saturday. I'm not able to ignore his texts/messages though. I can't stop myself from responding. Last time was Tues. It seems like he wants to keep that door open...just a crack.

09/15/2011 07:36 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

Any addiction professional says that it takes "28 days" to overcome the psychological effects of an addiction. Hence, 28 days in rehab, etc... Remember that movie with Sandra Bullock? 28 Days I think it was called. If you can't stop yourself from responding, I would suggest blocking cell phone/text messaging on your provider plan. Blocks can be done over internet and stay blocked for different periods of time. Block emails. If you want to get over this, you can't keep wondering if he's going to call, when, etc... Everytime he does, its like ripping off the band-aid again. And he will do it at his every impulsive whim. You are still riding that rollarcoaster with him from afar. If you don't have to contact him about kids, finances, etc... I would suggest you do this. It's the only way to heal. and even then, it's going to take time. I know it sounds cliche, but time is your best friend. It give the needed clarity and perspective. I know how hard it it, I've been there. The heart wrenching pain. Looking everywhere for answers, feeling hopeless. It does get better. I promise. Big hugs to you. Try to get some sleep tonight!
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