Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I have just joined this group after reading a few discussions. I thought I might be able to get some help/opinions from people in similar situations.

I have been with my BP partner for about a year. He is 46, I am 37. He has been medicated for about 3 years when he was first diagnosed after a major episode. He was very upfront about his illness very early in our relationship. I did not judge him and went about finding out more about BP. I have learnt some of his triggers and we talk about it when I think something is up. I have also spoken to/seen his psychiatrist on several occasions when I have felt something is wrong, usually when his mood is low as the depressed state seems to be less well managed and to have the most effect on him/us.

During the last year, we have broken up twice at his insistence. He says our lives are too stressful (we both have kids from previous relationships - we don't live together) and when he is feeling flat he can't see our future together. He says he breaks up with me on impulse and then regrets it after a few weeks. We get back together after being apart/have no contact for about a month usually when he is a bit manic.

I think he is about to break up with me a third time. It breaks my heart and I'm not sure I have the strength to get back together with him again. It seems the cycle of ups and downs is getting more regular.

Is this normal for BP to keep wanting to break up? And then get back together? When he is stable or even slightly manic, things are great. The low moods are what is crushing for me because he says he can't be with me, needs to find greener pastures. His psychiatrist is never is too concerned unless he is very manic or very depressed. And the psychiatrist is happy with the medication.

Do I just give him space? And assume he will want me back in a few weeks. I want to be with him but how do I live with this instability/uncertainty?

welcome

my ex did not do this particular thing, but it seems very common...I tend to lean toward a person doing this is unmedicated, or current meds are not working anymore and need to be changed/adjusted. The 3rd option would be he just isn't sure about the relationship. IE: I don't have bipolar and have been thru many dating/boyfriends in my 20's, 30's, and at first was sure, then was not sure at all.

sorry you are having to go thru this..you will have to decide if you want to live the this, because yes, it could change and be good, or yes, it may continue on forever where he goes back and forth. The meds don't help 100%, work better on some than others, every person is different, etc...

again welcome, keep posting, the best thing you can do as learn about this disease. Especially if you are going to stick it out with him.

hugs!

Welcome. I am sorry about your storry. I can very well relate to it, having gone through a number of break ups with my ex. One thing I would suggest, don't make yourself dependent - "i ll wait for him to come back". He is LIKELY to come back if he leaves but he is just AS LIKELY to break up again. Make sure you understand that he will never get completely stable and that the best prediction of future is the past. You will likely always live with the uncertainty. Also, once he may be won t come back anymore, or the "breaks" will last longer. It is very much distructive. Make sure you take care of yourself. Try talking to him about your concerns. If you are to stay together, you are to work on it together. If you let him have the control over your relationship, it s a recepie for disaster. he will come and go all the time. don't ignore your needs, take care of yourself, be assertive. I hope things go well for you! Keep strong!