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Some days are better for J than others. But I noticed an increase in his irritability this weekend, and he slept A LOT. I don't know if that is depression? If he needs something more for depression or just ride it out? He will take naps every day too. Then at night he will dwell on the negative thoughts he is having, which can get me depressed too if I let it. Just words of no hope, everything will turn out badly,, even with my oldest son. He will be in prison someday, he's not going to graduate... ugh! I prefer to have HOPE and not just give up... it's hard to stay above the negativity at times. When I tell him to stop he gets mad at me. I just wish he would sleep on the couch when he gets like that.

He rarely spends quality time with the kids,, he will do small things but complain about it. he is missing out on their lives and it makes me sad.

BTM, I'm sorry that you had the rough weekend. We can all probably identify with the irregularity and negativity. When J is doing better, discuss some separate sleeping arrangements for those times. Even if it means you hit the couch. I'm fortunate to have a spare room and my husband (6'3") goes in to the twin bed when he's restless. It's helped keep my irritability down since I'm better able to sleep.

I will try that. I'm always afraid when he's "up" to bring him "down" again by saying the wrong things, or the wrong way... but we have to get better at communicating. The discussions when he is like this, go from how he loves me and needs me, etc to divorce, separation and I'm not taking his "stuff"... I know its the irritablility talking, and the depression. It makes no sense. I usually tune it out if I can during those times. Its hard to not take him up on all that during those times but I know it will pass, and it does. It hurts tho,, even when I think it doesn't,, I can feel myself being drug down at times,, even knowing better.

I actually told him to shut up when he was talking about my son, how I could "have" him... that's so cruel to say... I think it hurts me more when he talks that way about his son. And he tries to make me not want him either,, by saying they don't like me and say bad things about me - I know that's a lie. It's a downward spiral until he finally sleeps. Sometimes i have to take an extra anxiety med to sleep thru it.

When I began reading "Walking on Eggshells", he seemed shocked that I actually felt that way. After his rudeness last week, he was apologetic on Friday and we had a good weekend. Normally he's overly apologetic like "i'm sorry, you need better, i'm no good", etc. But this time he said "I was wrong, I need to talk to my dr about a med change". He's at his previously scheduled appt now.

I know that walking away works best for me. We definitely can't argue with them when they aren't seeing clearly. However, we also don't have to put up with the crap. When I told him that I can make it without him, I think that actually made him realize that either I love him (obviously not there for money), or that I'm giving thoughts to being on my own. It seemed to have left an impact on him anyway.

However, every day is a new day, with a new set of rules...

You are not kidding,, each day can be different...

I too know that I can make it alone,, and have told him the same thing!! I think he thought I was nothing without him... we have been together since I was 16, I think it surprised him that I'm not a teenager anymore

And I could care less about the money... I would do what I had to do,, if it came to that.

I'm glad he is doing better Pam and realized on his own about the med adjustment... J also agreed with me that his depression was worse, he has more time on the weekends to dwell on it is the problem with weekends.

Post edited by: behindthemask, at: 08/08/2011 08:14 AM

The weekends can be rough even for the non-BP in the relationship. I am at the house mostly on the weekends so my kids can be kids and just enjoy themselves playing with the other kids in our neighborhood. Now the BPSO is out and living at his mothers and only picking the kids up on the weekends to do something fun with them. It stinks because I am left being the responsible adult, cleaning, laundry, shopping errands etc. while he is just the fun Dad. Once they get back I feel like I can't keep dragging them all over the place and they need the time to just be kids and enjoy life.

I feel like I never know what type of mood I will get on any given day from the BPSO and it is tiring, yuck and I am getting sick of it. I wish my BPSO was at least medicated and taking his illness seriously and I could talk about this stuff. But alas, I can not at this point and have to keep working on my zen mode when I see him.

Love the book, Stop Walking on Eggshells, it really helped save what is left of my sanity at this point in life!