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07/04/2011 11:41 PM

How not to react to BP spouse

cmjo
Posts: 43
Member

Hello everyone,

I am living in Italy with a partner and 2 kids, he has tons of problems, and is diagnosed with BP but the knowledge of this illness is not as widespread over here, and I havent heard the doctor define any particular type of BP.

I posted a while back, then just havent had time, but messages from the members encouraged me to stay in touch.

He is on Seroquel now for two months as well as Citalopram, and takes Tavor also for panic attacks and anxiety.

His behaviour generally has become calmer and more stable for the first time in 10 years.

We just went on holiday for a week and had a great time with the kids relaxing.

BUT and this is a big BUT, one day it all flipped. My daughter said my partner "always says swear words". I said to him well it is true, she has heard you many times call me names. And that did it, he sulked for about half an hour, then as I was trying to change the subject and get us all to look at the sunset, he started mumbling that how could I change the subject after I had spat at him like that. Saying that to me is a trigger, he has said it before and it made me see red....

I became violent and lost control completely. I hit him, picked up a broom, then a suitcase, and really wanted to hurt him. The kids were watching and crying. I said I wanted us to split up and tomorrow we would go home and start new lives. It was horrific.

The next day I apologised to all of them but I cannot forgive myself for my behaviour. It is not the first time I have reacted so badly over the years. OK I have had counselling too and this hadnt happened for ages but it shouldnt happen at all. MY father was similar to my partner and my mother used to attack him, and me quite violently too, so guess where it has come from. I have to stop this before the children learn the same behaviour pattern. My mother died when I was 17, its not hard to trigger some terrible pain inisde me

When we had all calmed down, I realised that trying to leave him is so impossible, and that my reactions are a part of the problem that gets us both incredibly worked up. There is so much pent up anguish living with this man.

SOme of you have said I should get out of the relationship now. I have thought about this so much, but realise that I just cant, and have hope that it is improving, so will stick with it, and keep you updated. And I will never ever react violently again.

Just too much to say in a short message.

C

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07/05/2011 03:34 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13484
Group Leader

goodness

sounds like you have had a hard time there.


07/05/2011 04:15 AM
sifted
sifted  
Posts: 917
Senior Member

My dad taught me to never strike a girl(woman) the hard way, I hit my sis when we were young and i got a beating for it. But it has to work both ways. I commend your resolve not to strike back ever again even if he deserves it and espicially around the kids. You will have to find other ways to vent your anger, anger can be constructive if we can channel it in the right direction. I still have to figure out how to do this in my life so I can't really tell you how to do this in yours. I do know that our frustrations can come to boiling points but for everyones sake keep the violence out of it.
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