Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I am trying very hard to be the better person here with my BP Ex. I am really trying not to fall into his traps. I even offered him to bring my son to see him for a few hours while his parents were supervising and he has yet to respond and this was yesterday. But he is crying a sad story to everyone that I have took our son away from him because i served him with custody papers. He says on the last msg I saw "you take a mans son away and there is nothing else you can loose" - so wouldn't you think he would jump on board with seeing his son? I even found him on a dating site and sent him a msg there incase he had me blocked- and he just ignored me. How can he be this way and use our son against me?? Who is he really punishing!! For 3 yrs he wined and complaine about how my ex husband was a half a$$ father and did not deserve to have kids cuz he used to pull this crap as well...now look who is doing it!!

Melly: Remind me of your story... He's diagnosed? He's on meds? He's living in your house or not??????

Actions speak louder than words. As long as you offer visits and he doesn't take you up on them, I wouldn't worry about a thing. You could go for full custody, and I probably would, and not have a problem at all. I think it would be wise to document everything. Dates, save everything, texts, e-mails. Try to write down things he says as close to how you heard it as possible. It won't be used in court, but it will give your lawyer a good idea of what kinds of things he's saying. It's easy to criticize someone else for not being a good father, but to be a good father, you have to see your child once in a while.

(((melly))) I wish I knew what to say... just keep doing what you know is right and best for you and your child,, and he can make his choices beyond that... it's hard to let go, I'm learning. HUGS!!!

Warhorse: My X was charged with domestic three yrs ago and has been in and out the hospital over the last 2 yrs for intoxication and suicide attempts. He has been treated for bipolar for the last 1 and he is still in denial even though he is on resperidone, ativan, nitrezapram and was recently prescribed lithium. Apparently I tricked the dr into prescribing that one. He is very abusive and controlling, but i was hoping that medication would cure it all, and it really hasn't done a damn thing!! He does not live with me and has not lived with me since I kicked him out last september. Now he is back home with mommy and daddy who are also in denial and think that nothing is wrong with him. Its not like this happened to him before with his previous baby mother, and the one before that too..In all his relationships it has been the woman that was crazy not him. I know now that he is the common denominator. So thats the coles notes version...and my son gets the short end of the stick

Truly

it is better

that he leaves you both alone.

"When a family affected by partner abuse splits up, some children discover how much more pleasant life is without their father in the home and may choose to distance themselves from him. This can be a sign of emotional health and recovery. The abuser then often claims, predictably, that the mother is turning the children against him; in his mind, what else could it be?"

Bancroft, Lundy (2003). Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (p. 243).

"Children are a tempting weapon for an abuser to use against the mother. Nothing inflicts more pain on a caring parent, male or female, than hurting one of his or her children or causing damage to the parent-child relationship. Many abusers sense that they can gain more power by using the children against their partners than by any method other than the most overtly terrorizing assaults or threats. To their destructive mind-set, the children are just too tempting a tool of abuse to pass up."

Bancroft, Lundy (2003). Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (p. 240).

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 07/03/2011 11:01 PM

Melly - you really need to read that book,, "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft - it should be in your library... it explains A LOT and helped me not feel so crazy!! Please read it

Yeah I will. I was directed to talk to a legal advocate at a women's abuse centre, and she said it does not sound like he has bipolar, he is just plain abusive. She told me not to have any contact with him, and that more likely than not he will lose interest in his son when he sees its not getting to me...i think she is right.

That's sad, melly, but I think you should take the advocate's advice. After all, she has a lot of experience with cases like this.

Melly

I too strongly suggest the book

WHY DO THEY DO THAT

available on amazon.com

Abusers use the system

and children

to continue abusing.

I would not be passive about this.