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07/02/2011 05:14 PM

Well,married and I think already going for divorce

MetalChick
 
Posts: 84
Member

So, I know it's been a long time since I've updated. Still on crutches for over 2 years w/ CRPS. Still working same job at McDs. Well, last December I got married. He told my family in November that he's been w/ me over 5 years and I think he was manic and he went into a whole thing of wanting kids and all that and I kinda felt pressured into the marriage thing.

Well, lately I got a car from my family so he pressured me into putting my car up for sale. I did it, and he said how he wants to take the money and put it away for vacation. I only get 1 day out of the 10 days to spend w/ my friends, the rest he plans. I'm honestly tired of it.

I also find any way to make money (babysitting, helping friends) but he is perfectly happy working whatever hours his job will give him. He keeps saying how he's only going to work what he wants to work and he's happy just scraping by. Well today we had a major fight and I honestly feel a divorce is soon and he just took off in the car for god knows where. I don't know what to do. I have no real friends to turn to. What do you do when you go through a bipolar divorce and have no one to turn to? What if he took his car out and got into an accident? I have no way to contact him or anything at all right now. FML.

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07/02/2011 06:17 PM
HopeforLove
HopeforLovePosts: 123
Member

MetalChick,

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know how hard it is to be married for only a short while before having that sinking divorce feeling. I've been married just over a year now, and it's been a complete nightmare-year. My husband was diagnosed 6 months ago and has now attempted suicide twice and is in the hospital. I am heading for divorce with my husband because I feel like I can't trust him with his violent outbursts and honestly feel like he has an unhealthy dependency on me and on his mom. The only way I can think to help this man who I love with all my heart, is to seperate and eventually divorce so that he can focus on himself and learn to be independent with his medication and treatment.

It's a tough choice and rough road and I don't wish it on anyone, but feel comforted in the fact that there are others who are in your position as well and we all can talk and discuss together how to deal with these hurdles.

Hope this helped a bit!


07/02/2011 06:18 PM
behindthemask

Do you think you will really divorce? Is it something you want or think he will initiate? I know me and J have had MANY bad arguments that I thought wold have ended that way but didn't... maybe he will come back and act like nothing happened,, which is what happens with me usually. Then maybe you can get your ducks in a row,, start saving some $$ just in case he does something like this again. I guess not knowing, you may have to wait and see what plays out. Do you have a way to get to work? Is he following treatment for his BP? So sorry you're going thru a rough time..

07/02/2011 09:44 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13302
Group Leader

metal chick

is he diagnosed

medicated

therapy ?

what is his condition ?


07/03/2011 01:30 AM
Ninra
Ninra  
Posts: 194
Member

Hi. My SO is is still undiagnosed but he is getting diagnosed very soon. Just over a week ago what I said about his behavior/moods and such finally sunk in after six years. He said to me the other day that he wishes it was two years ago that he realized. I said but it could be two years from now so be thankful. He is so tired of the push/pull that he caused with us and I even have to wonder after he begins treatment (which is what must happen-it is the baseline) if he will even still want to continue to build a future together. Im sad but hopeful, scared and miss him. I miss his kids too very much and havent seen them in a few weeks. I went out tonight with a friend for Indian food and live music with a few belly dancers. We never got up to dance but we did last time we were there. Her SO just left this morning for 2 months in the woods so we were both in a kind of funk. Even relationships that are not juggling with bp have their shifts, I have to remember that.

She said something tonight when referring to how an exboyfriend of hers (bpI with psycotic breaks) wouldnt stay on medication: "When you excersise the demons sometimes the angels leave too" I guess it was something he used to say.

The other day my SO heard sobbing outside his window so he ran out to see his friend/neighbor crying because her fiance' had gone manic after 2 or 3 years, apparently the meds stopped working or he stopped taking them and got mean and had an outburst/surge of emotions that had him saying things so completley unprovoked and irrational about her/their relationship. For my SO who has just recently 'seen the light' in his own behavior and admitting he needs help this must of been quite something to experience-he got to see what this illness can do to the ones they love.

Just wanted to share these few things. Dont know if they help but just maybe in some way.

I suppose draw a new boundry for you two in how your treated or how money is handled?


07/03/2011 05:38 PM
MetalChick
 
Posts: 84
Member

He's been diagnosed by 2 different hospitals and a few docs as bipolar. He refused to take medication a while ago because of the whole mania thing. He refused and refused. He's had outbursts. I've been with him for over 6 years, married for half a year or so now. One doc put him on a bunch of meds that messed him up. The other doc took him off of them and said "Oh, well we don't believe in medication here." It's been a really rough year since I've last really been on here. We had to move out of our old place, find a new place much farther away from work. All that good stuff.

Right now I don't know what to do. As for yesterdays fight, he came back with a cupcake for me (I mentioned on my FB as I really wanted one). That was the first time in 6 years he has gotten into a fight w/ me and tried to make it up to me. First time ever. I didn't know how to react so I help back my tears.

However, I dunno if any of you deal with this but he is on the computer from the moment he wakes up to bed (unless at work) and it just seems like I'm constantly ignored and have the responsibility of it all on me. I just want a vacation away from my own husband and the responsibilities. Is that wrong to say?


07/04/2011 12:04 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13302
Group Leader

metal chick

what you want

is healthy .

It is not wrong.


07/05/2011 06:54 AM
MetalChick
 
Posts: 84
Member

Now for the past few days he said he's trying to change and wants to do better for me. Yet he got upset when I acted like he was joking because for 6 years he never reallly put me first. He now says that I'm #1 over his mother and I'm confused.

07/05/2011 07:01 AM
behindthemask

I would tell him he better prove it bc you can't take it much longer. Actions speak louder than words!! Only you can decide if you want to continue with him or not. But you may have some levrage if he's saying that,, make sure he continues treatment and has counselling. And get YOUR name on the HIPPA agreement so you have access to his records too. Sounds like the computer needs to be monitored too, or can you restrict his time on it somehow? This is VERY confusing,, this life!! I understand!

07/06/2011 12:27 PM
MetalChick
 
Posts: 84
Member

Yea so today he already went back to his old ways. All he does is sleep, want sex, or on the computer. So much for the changed man. I was such a fool for thinking he'd change.
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