Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

So my ex is in jail. It doesn't surprise me, I knew this was going to happen eventually. He's so far in the hole when it comes to get his drivers license back..its been 8 years since he's had it. He owes 4000 dollars to get it back.

Well him and his mother got into an argument Tuesday night and he took her phone and threw it across the room. Shattered it into several pieces while his daughter, Jenny observed the whole thing.

Before you ask, yes he's done it before, yes he'll do it again, and yes Jennifer has been a witness to many many of these emotional outbursts.

Well about 10 months before he and I seperated, I found out he was using heroin. A lot of his angry outbursts and selfish attitudes really started to make sense.

Well after Jon threw his mothers phone across the room, he grabbed his weed, two bottles of her pills (according to his mom and Jennifer) and stole 400 dollars that he had given to his mother for rent.

According to "J", Jon's ex brother in law, the fight started because Jon was hurt that he didn't get invited to go with his mom and his daughter to the 4th of July in Michigan. According to Jon's mom, the fight started because she told him he needed to find another place to live.

He has been living at her home against her will for the last three months. He has several anger problems that made it impossible for me to stick out our relationship. The main reason I stayed as long as I did was for Jenny, his older daughter. I also had a daughter with him who I'm currently sueing for full custody.

About six weeks ago, Jon's mother had an over dose of xanax, hydrocodone, and marijuana. She was in ICU for four days. The night after she overdosed, Jon threatened or insinuated that he would commit suicide.

No, this isn't the first time he's threatened to commit suicide. This was the first time I took him very seriously though. He also used to threaten it every time I told him I wanted to end the relationship.

So his suicide threat, in conjunction with an attempt to jump out of my moving vehicle while the girls were in the car on the highway, assisted in my decision to sue for full custody.

I have a lawyer right now. I really wish someone could set this to me straight.

I called CPS recently and asked them if I should be concerned for Jenny. They said because I was referring to past behavior and past drug use and that because I didn't have any concrete evidence that he was abusing drugs again, there really isn't much that they could do and that I had a pretty weak case.

I don't care if you tell me something I don't want to hear, and I'm not necessarily looking for reassurance, I just want to know if I'm possibly fighting a losing battle. There is nothing I can do for Jenny, she isn't my biological daughter. With Katie, I am asking the court that Jon have supervised visitations until he completes anger management and gets into counseling and on any prescribed recommended medication that might come from a doctor.

My lawyer said I can not have him psychiatrically evaluated because it would cost 1000 dollars which I think is absolute bull shit, but I really think he needs it.

I'm pretty confident that he has a bi-polar disorder and quite possibly a personality disorder.

I guess the other reason I am in here is cause I'm concerned about what I should do with Katie. Jon is supposed to be out of jail today if not tomorrow. I know he wants to see her, and I want her to see him, but I fear that he'll spend the whole time trying to bitch me out or convince me that he's sane when he so obviously is not.

I have vowed to not have any thing to do with him as a friend wise until he can clean up and get his life together.

Considering his behavior as of lately, he stole his mothers pills (hydrocodone and xanax) and her money, he's apparently blowing through his money very fast, like 600 dollars a week fast on Grocery's, beer, and pot....this leads me to believe that he is using it on something else.."heroin".

I prey he didn't go back to that shit, not only for his sake but for Jenny's. She doesn't deserve two parents that are drug addicts.

Now he's about to be homeless. He's furious with his mother because she called the police and had him arrested, he's sitting out traffic warrants right now, and what ever charge they picked him up on he'll get arrested for later. Not sure what they charged him with, I know burglary almost became an option.

He also lost his new job. The two cars he has, one is broken down completely, the other is overheating. And if he's back on drugs I can only fear the worst. I know I can't help him, only he can do that when he realizes he needs help.

You think I might be happy, this does help in my case against him in sueing for full custody, but more than anything this makes me sad. I'm very very sad cause I feared this would happen when I left him and it was and is the last thing I wanted for him.

I just don't knoow what to do any more.

This will probably sound harsh, but he's not your responsibility. You cannot help him: he has to help himself.

cat, you are not being harsh.

no longer, He is not your responsibilty, he is making his own bed and now he is sleeping in it.

I hope and sense you will get full custody, good luck.

Also, his mother did not have him arrested. His actions got him arrested. It sounds like a majorly messed up deal and I think you're wise to limit any interaction with your child. Jenny needs all the support possible, and hopefully she is receiving it through family. He has decisions to make and hopefully he will find the right path soon.

Thank you all! I really hope he does get it together. I've distanced myself from him as much as possible. He called me several times while he was in jail and then asked his ex brother in law to ask me to bail him out of jail with the child support money that I've been getting for Katie. That upset me a great deal.

I really don't know what to think. He's a skilled manipulator to the extent where he actually believes his own bullshit.

I don't like talking to him because I still have a weakness, and if he doesn't yell at me and he's nice to me, he can be a pretty convincing fellow. Which is why I write all the time here so that I will remember what he is capable of when I start getting those old feelings again.

I don't know why I get those old feelings either. I certainly didn't have them when I was in a relationship with him.

After he got out of jail, I spoke with him about an hour. I am going to continue with the court proceedings, but if he can prove to me before the full trial that he can get his life together and get into a stable home where there are no drugs, and he can complete anger management and go to counseling again, than I will drop the custody battle.

The only problem is I've already spent 3 grande, I'm sure as hell going to make sure I get my way if I'm going to drop the whole case.

He assured me that he wasn't on drugs and that he is willing to take a hair folicle test to prove it, but not through the court. He also wants me to pay for it. I told him he is obviously high.

He insists that his lawyer has his back all the way and that there isn't a chance in hell that I will win full custody. I wonder how much he is bluffing. This whole thing is very unnerving. I don't feel a bit easy about any of this. One minute I'm afraid his whole life is going to shit. The next, he's assuring me that he has it under control and that he's going to get it together. *My tummy is ill*

Wow.

Alright.

Ask the court to appoint what is called a guardian (legal council) for the children. In order to do this, you will have to petition the courts to make that an order.

do you have a restraining order ?

You need one.

The court is not going to take your fears seriously until you do.

Would I wish to speak to, or have my child around an active heroin addict ?

No.

The court CAN order a psyc eval. Your Lawyer is full of shit and wants to continue taking your money.

That is what lawyers DO.

The court can order drug testing .

The court can order treatment for addiction .

The good news is, this guy is a heroin addict and is going to blow himself up one way or another. This is good news, because it takes what it takes to knock that shit off.

You CAN get a restraining order , he cannot see or contact you or your child...based on his recent arrests.

That should get the ball rolling in the system, and cause him to have to appear in court to explain his behavior to the judge, and the judge will see that he is high as fuk...if he even shows up.

Active addicts usually don't show up for court.

As long as you are talking to this guy *like a friend* he is getting the message that you think what he is doing is OK.

He wants YOU to use the child support money for bail ?

That about sez it all right there.

How absolutely selfish and sick is THAT.

That is more than BP goin on there.

This guy, is an addict.

Yes, I often consider appointing a new lawyer.

I currently have a "protective order" so Jon legally can not come by to pick Katie up until he at least appears in court to answer to the protective order. Jon knows I will have him drug tested so he isn't going to show up, he is just going to continue to try to convince me to give him what he wants.

He is pretty convincing when he says he isn't on drugs. I'm inclined to believe him, even though he's lied to me convincingly in the past. According to him and his mother, he's buying about 150 in groceries every week. He says he spends 600 a month in gas to get from home to work. he admits to buying a 20 pack of beer a week and his regular 60 to 80 a month on weed. He pays me 57 a week in child support. That still means there is a lot of money un accounted for and I just can't place it. He gave his mom 400 for rent. He told me the reason he doesn't have any money is because he hasn't been consistantly going to work.

All of these signs still sort of point to him using drugs again.

I really do not want to talk to him more than I have to.

I called CPS for Jennifer, not sure if I mentioned that in this thread earlier. "J" and Jon's mother are both retracting their statements that they think Jon is on drugs. If they are not willing to cooperate, the state can not legally force him to take a drug test with out probable cause. And since I made the report based on his past behavior (although recurring behavior) and heresay, I really do not have a case with CPS unless "J" or Jon's mom step up to the plate and do the right thing. Which they won't because they're scared of Jon, and they would also be hypocrites because they also abuse drugs in one form or another.

I must admit, Jon moving back with his mother was probably the worst place for him to move considering he is or was a recovering addict.

Thank you livingbladder for your input, I hope to continue to hear from you.

"he admits to buying a 20 pack of beer a week and his regular 60 to 80 a month on weed."

this is not what clean and sober looks like.

He is *minimalizing*.

This is how you tell when an addict is lying:

Their lips are moving.

"considering he is or was a recovering addict".

huh ?

he is using.

he is drinking.

he is NOT in recovery.

if he had been in recovery, he would not be high on weed and booze.

hello??

LOL! Living bladder I completely agree with you. Its hard for me to penalize him for smoking pot though. I wish more than any thing that it was legal. I personally do not smoke pot any more though, I quit two months before I left Jon. I haven't spoken to him since he got out of jail. I really have no desire to either. I will be there Saturday to let him and Jenny see Katie for a few hours, during this time I am not looking forward to being around him at all.

He's calm right now, but who knows for how long.

As much as I do not want to supervise this visit, I think its necessary to assess his demeanor and see if he's still high or how he acts in general. I'm not going to worry about it til I have to though. I have counseling tomorrow, I'm pretty sure she'll tell me the same thing.

Sometimes I wish I could go buy a hidden camera and tape his behavior and habits. But thats against the law. For good reason too I suppose. I wouldn't want someone watching my ever move either. But it would be nice to just know rather than speculate.

I think your right Livingbladder, I think he is back on drugs. Not sure what yet, he may just be at the point where he's popping pills again, but after he runs out I fear he might turn to the needle again.

Nothing changes if nothing changes.

that's blender.

not bladder.

lol