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06/13/2011 05:57 PM

Hypersexuality shocking discovery

sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

I have a plaguing thought. I found a transexual dating site profile my ex had created. Naturally, I had to confront him on this. I asked him calmly if he were questioning his sexuality. Wouldn't anyone? I have since then read much about hypersexualtiy and some perversions and obsessions for "forbidden sex." I used to tease my ex about he "metrosexual" tendencies- clothes, hair, style, etc...

My ex left the next day. Did I back him into a corner? If it were a joke, why wouldn't he just admitt it? Why lie about it? It seemed strange.

He even showed me the live porn site he frequented with pop ups of trannies jumping up on the sides. He kept saying "See...see... How would I know these porn stars ny name, etc... etc..."

After the discovery, he proceded to tell me about all the women he "could have had". Not cheating, but how he could have had if he persued hard enough. ( had been keeping a calender of his activites- alcohol related I thought at the time- over the last couple months and there was only 1 time he was away from me where he had gone on the date- lying and saying he was with a friend.) How he went on a date only 3 weeks after he proposed to me b/c he simply "wanted to f--- her." All these women who wanted him, etc... He needed sex and obviously he had no love for me.

He said liked women. He thought the site was disgusting and it was self-created from his other viewing of porn. (Which was a lie. I created a fake one and it was labor intensive) He even called his mother to tell her about it before I could talk to her to "plead his case."

He kept saying that he "Couldn't marry someone who thought he was gay." Later via email he told me that I couldn't control my paranoia and that destroyed my relationship.

I really didn't think he was gay, but what a shock of a discovery. But wouldn't anyone question that discovery? Hypersexuality or not. Joke or not. How is that being paranoid??? I guess I was wondering if I was the cause of all of this. (I know I wasn't, but, still the mind plays tricks....

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06/13/2011 06:06 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

I have to add a discussion point from someone regarding someone who is hypersexual.. because during it everything is amplified.. meaning, if something is normally considered taboo.. it then becomes irresistible and highly stimulating. It creates a response in your body similar to substance abuse. So it might not mean that he is gay or bi.. but it is all a form of being sexual when hypersexual.. and that doesn't have to be defined in the typical social norms for a persons perceived sexuality. For instance.. he probably all of a sudden, had a desire or "fetish" for things you would have never known before.. and he probably didn't until he was hypersexual.

06/13/2011 06:39 PM
behindthemask

Gosh if I ran across something like that I would be extrememly shocked too, to say the least... if that's not hypersexuality,, I don't know what is. I'm glad you found this out now instead of later!

06/13/2011 06:40 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13305
Group Leader

If it looks like a duck

sounds like a duck

walks like a duck

it must be a duck.


06/13/2011 06:44 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

I'm certain that if it was something he was interested in, it was a new developing thing. Not something when we were together. Do you think it accerlerated the move out & break up?

My discovery??


06/13/2011 06:46 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

I'm sure it was humiliating- and maybe he didn't understand it himself.

06/13/2011 06:50 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

I also want to add there was no activity on it. You have to pay to respond to any of the emails, etc... It was not complete.

06/13/2011 06:54 PM
behindthemask

sadsad,, you didn't do anything sweetie,, it's the untreated illness. He would have gone this way no matter what you said or did... there was a curiosity there for SOME reason. Could you feel comfortable not knowing he was doing that and staying together,,, but yet he kept doing that behind your back? That's what he would have done I guarantee it.

06/13/2011 06:58 PM
sososad51
sososad51Posts: 2388
VIP Member

Yes, I know, you are right. I discovered this at the end of our relationship. I would never be able to look at him the same again. Do you think he will do the same things with another girl, but keep things more secret????

I am so confused. and sickened. He's blamed the break up on me.


06/13/2011 07:06 PM
behindthemask

I wonder, if he will have another girl? He seriously may be going the way he was looking into... Of course he will blame you,, then HE doesn't look so bad, in his eyes. It IS NOT YOU... you had every right to question that. Him leaving to me proves there is an issue there. But yes he will continue the way he is going, bc it is his nature right now,, it won't change until HE changes. One thing we keep running into,, is wanting to fix them and we can't. It's hard to let go but we have to at some point... you can lead him to water but can't make him drink. Let him go,, he is determined to anyway it looks like. You can find someone that will take care of you and love you, without taking and blaming... that's not love.
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