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06/06/2011 11:29 AM

Extremely worried and needing advice badly

polkapixie
Posts: 2
New Member

Hello, I want to cut to the chase with this because the story is far too long, I am very worried about my boyfriend at the moment, he is undiagnosed and I know he needs to see a doctor before I can say he has this or that but I would be grateful if for the moment you can just assume I'm quite correct in thinking he is showing bipolar signs. I'm happy to say why I think this and discuss his behaviour but to keep this quick I shall miss this out for the moment.

I currently believe he has just experienced a manic episode but the problem is that right now he isn't properly speaking to me, he makes promises to call me or see me (we are long distance btw), but he breaks them without an explanation, and the more I demand the more he disappears. However now and then I'll get strange texts from him, for the past week any text he has sent has been very sexual or strange song lyrics. Finally yesterday I thought this 6 week stint was coming to an end as he finally said he was going to shower, pack a bag and come see me in a few hours, but this didn't happen, he never showed up, didn't tell me why he hadn't, and didn't answer my calls or texts later on that night when I was checking what was happening. I am of course very confused, but this happens every year at the same time, usually by now I would have broken up with him or pestered him so much that he would have finished me, but I'm trying it differently this time, I'm trying to give him space and just not call him on his behaviour until I know he is more stable again. But my question is I am slowly losing patience, if I'm right about him possibly being bipolar and currently coming down from a mixed episode then am I best to continue to leave him and see if he gets back in contact, or do I jump on a bus and confront him? I'm so upset and angry and I just have no idea any more of the best way to deal with this. I do intend on telling him he needs to see a doctor before I can continue being with him, and I love him more than anything else, but I just don't know how to get him back to a point where he is talking to me and will accept me saying all this to him.

Any advice would be so much appreciated, and don't hesitate to ask me if there is anything else you want to know about our relationship because I did only leave everything out to make this short and to the point. Thank you Sad

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06/06/2011 11:40 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13303
Group Leader

I vote

let this one go.

Confrontation would solve nothing.

It is a good thing to keep yourself more than a tank of gas away.

You deserve

HONOR

DIGNITY

RESPECT

and there is *no pill for a$$Hole*.


06/06/2011 11:49 AM
behindthemask

I wouldn't confront him either, apparently he was determined to go, to follow him would show weakness in his eyes. I think, you should show your strength by going on with your life... you deserve better than that, that is disrespect for you... you aren't bound to him, look for someone who can love you back...

06/06/2011 12:49 PM
ridingthewaves
ridingthewavesPosts: 1494
Senior Member

I would say that unless you have a darn good plan when you get off the bus there with the end result being him on pills at a hospital then I wouldn't go.

Trying to confront him now won't do any good if he is manic. It seems like you have a good grasp on that. I understand about losing your patience. It is hard to bit your tongue.

I would say, don't go chase after him or confront him. I would live your life and try to let this episode not affect you to the best of your ability. If he wants you to work HE has to decide that he doesn't like the mania any longer and wants help. You can't force that. If he does come back to you, which most do try after the episode is over, I would but some "rules" in place. You don't deserve or need this stress!

I always ask myself "Would my SO put up with this?" The answer is no, so why should I have to?


06/06/2011 01:03 PM
polkapixie
Posts: 2
New Member

Thanks for all your advice, I don't doubt that at some point he'd be back because this is the 3rd time we've tried to make things work (yes third) but this is the one time that he has acknowledged that he has some problem, he was meant to go to the doctors when we got speaking again but I think he backed out convincing himself he didn't need outside help and I was too foolish to make him go before I got involved again. The main issue I have found is that after an episode because he has said or done things to be ashamed of (usually nothing TOO bad, just generally getting very drunk and saying inappropriate or mean things that he didn't really mean) he enters this depression where he can't bring himself to say anything to me because he feels like I'll hate him (no matter how many times I say I understand that it's not really him that says these things) and that's why I am so tempted to go over and see him before he loses himself into a depression where he won't see light again for 5 months or so... I know I should cut my losses but we were best friends before we ever got together and as friends I never noticed this type of behaviour, I knew he had issues but thought they were same as everyone else's, it's hard to let go when you know someone as a best friend before a lover, and I've seen him cry over the consequences to his episodes but he just doesn't seem to have reached that point where he KNOWS he has no option than to see a doctor :/ but I think you are all right, I think the best thing may be to just let him know I understand but then to leave him to it and see what happens and hope that he's safe.

Post edited by: polkapixie, at: 06/06/2011 01:03 PM


06/06/2011 01:11 PM
ssavings
Posts: 236
Member

For me, the easiest time to get my DH to seek help was during the depressions. Even now, it's much harder to get him to go to the doc when he's manic/hypomanic... most people hate to be depressed, so its natural that they seek help first during the depressions.

06/06/2011 01:21 PM
sallyo
sallyoPosts: 3684
Senior Member

polkapixie: You're on the right track. It will do no good to try to contact him while he's still manic. Use this time to focus on your needs and to build a stronger, more independent you. Hopefully he'll contact you when he's more stable, but he has to come to that point himself.

06/06/2011 03:25 PM
ridingthewaves
ridingthewavesPosts: 1494
Senior Member

also polka while I am sure he feels sad/bad/embarassed by his manic actions, typically mania is followed by depression.

what comes up must come down. When he is more lucid or depressed maybe that can be the motivation he needs. I personally haven't seen someone go through a full blown mania without it being followed by a crash into depression.


06/06/2011 07:12 PM
jennifer63

poll,

"come into my web said the spider to the fly" he's the spider your the fly, don't be a fly, be a butterfly and fly freeWink


06/06/2011 07:38 PM
WARHORSE
WARHORSE  
Posts: 5057
VIP Member

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