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05/22/2011 10:01 PM

I need help ASAP.....My wife just blames me

MRING13
Posts: 2
New Member

I am 24 and the wife is 30....I fell in love with her at first sight and all the attention she draws made me like her even more. But 1 year into marriage im finding out from her ex mother in law how crazy she was with her ex

They were together 4 years, had a daughter and had a really unhealthy relationship.

My wife was institutionalized during their relationship a few times, diagnosed with bi polar disorder. She refuses to accept it and says there is no way she is bi polar.

Hearing some of the stories the mother in law encountered have a scary resemblance to what I am dealing with all the time. One day she can be so loving and it takes literally the stupidest thing to make her upset.

For instance one time she was bitching because her friend had a pair of jeans of hers and wont admit it. I said maybe she doesnt have them and thats when all hell broke loose to the point of where I was attracted to her friend and I wanted to fuck her friend.

Whenever we get into an argument I make the mistake of trying to calm things down, I apologize even when I am not wrong and sometimes she presses my buttons to where I spew venom right back at her. But long story short when our arguments get heated it becomes physical. Ill grab her and tell her to stop acting stupid or prevent her from leaving because I want the problem to end. She ends up hitting me, I grab her throw her down and things get out of control.

It seems that anything negative about me get brought up in an argument and she wont drop it even if I beg an plead for 15 minutes saying I dont want to argue or fight...please just stop.

Things like I messed around with a stripper before her or I dont do shit for her, the extra money that pays for shit is because I am married to her (military)(bah,etc) but the fact of the matter is I try my hardest. She gets upset if something is not set up right in the house, shoes not in place, dishes not washed.

I thought I was the one who was actually going crazy this whole time until I heard how abusive and crazy she was in her last relationship. Another thing is she believes the world owes her everything, im assuming because she is beautiful and gotten everything handed on a silver platter her whole life but im tired of her putting me down.

She literally makes me feel so horrible about myself. She throws divorce in the air and I beg for her to stop and how can you say this. She replies im the worst thing that ever happened to her. Ive shed tears and it doesnt mean anything to her. I dont know how she got so deep in my brain to the point where I believe what she says about me. Its almost like ive given up and agreed I am a piece of shit.

I love her I just dont know how to get her on the medications she needs.

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05/23/2011 12:05 AM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11540
VIP Member

I read your post wrong! I am very sorry!

Post edited by: marriedtoit, at: 05/23/2011 12:22 PM


05/23/2011 12:08 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13484
Group Leader

Love cannot fix this.

You are not a piece of shit.

I am sorry that you are being abused.

It is not your fault.

I hear you.

Son, you need to get outa this before YOU go to jail.

I am sorry that your heart is breaking.

I know.

It hurts like hell.

I wish,

I had the magic wand to make this disease go away.

Truth is

nobody does.

It is a monster that is bigger than you

and it is bigger than her.

Truth.

She throws divorce at you to scare you.

It is a manipulation.

I want you to take this test

https://www.mosaicmethod.com/

Make a decision with your intelligence.

Decisions made with emotions are never good.


05/23/2011 12:22 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13484
Group Leader

I think Dude is saying that his Wife accused him of wanting to fuk her BFF ?

Messing around with stripper ..

umm...

reading it again....

now what.


05/23/2011 12:44 AM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13484
Group Leader


05/23/2011 05:21 AM
jennifer63

MRING,,

OK this is a very difficult situation, your wife will not get better unless she takes her meds which you said she won't. Now your very young and you have the rest of your life ahead of you, you say that you love your wife but then you go and sleep with her bf, if you did that then i'm sorry but your not in love with your wife, coz if you were, even tho you going through hell, you wouldn't even look at another woman. My advice would be, to see a counselor and get some prospective from a professional, then find out what you want to do, coz you can't keep going on like this someone is really gonna get hurt it's very destructive, and the abuse is just not on! i hope this works out for you, keep us up to date and welcome xox


05/23/2011 05:47 AM
sifted
sifted  
Posts: 917
Senior Member

There seems to be in this thread a misunderstanding about you actually doing things with her friend, or you just being accused by her of this. I read the latter, so I hear you in this post it is a rough time for sure. I would suggest couples counselling to inforce to her that you want to see her working hard(with meds) on her own stability and what that should be. Set up some rules for your relationship starting with a pdoc and meds.

Keep posting mring, welcome aboard.

Post edited by: sifted, at: 05/23/2011 07:07 AM


05/23/2011 06:27 AM
behindthemask

I hate to ever encourage divorce, but if she won't get help and brings up the "d" word, and you don't have kids, it may be wise to get out of this unhealthy relationship, IMO.

I have been married 20+ years,, it has been hard but i never fought back verbally till recently, and we have 2 kids.. it makes it harder to "break loose". Love cannot fix this, she HAS to get on meds. It sounds like you both are destroying each other mentally and emotionally - evaluate what you want out of this relationship and then you may have to make some tough choices to make things happen... sorry for your pain, we understand, and it is tough, and requires patience.

If she does have BP, no amount of talking or loving will help until she is seen and given medication, that's a fact.

Keep posting - and reading, it may help...


05/23/2011 07:09 AM
sifted
sifted  
Posts: 917
Senior Member

lots of patience.........Dizzy

05/23/2011 07:36 AM
Lorriekay
Posts: 141
Member

He didn't fuk or want to fuk her friend!

All he did was say that maybe she didn't have his wife's jeans (she had it in her head and was paranoid that her friend had a pair of her jeans)

My mom was like that - one day she got it in her head and was bitching that I had *stole* her underwear.

Well for one why would I want her granny underwear that are so many sizes too big for me? It didn't matter what I said in her mind I went through the laundry or her drawers and took them!

That is what is going on here. To this day I remember my mom doing that crazy shit to me. My husband just had his delusional crazy period and thought I was leaving him. (I wasn't)

That I tried to poison him (I didn't)

Even if his wife doesn't really believe all the crap she throws out there .. it is verbal abuse to have to sit and listen to it!

It isn't clear whether he messed around with a stripper BEFORE the two of them were together. But maybe he never did that and she has it rearranged in her mind he did.

Or if he Did.. it was Before they were together. She just keeps bringing things up in his past when she wasn't even a part of his life and

just Ignoring all the shit SHE is doing now! (to Him)

Ya'll are not reading what he is saying correctly

But whatever the case, where there is physical violence going on (her trying to hit him and him throwing her down to keep her off him)

Mring, you two need Physical space between you or something bad is going to happen. You for Sure (or possibly the both of you) will end up getting arrested and going to jail

You can't make her admit to her illness and go seek treatment from a Real Psychiatrist (Not a psychologist) and start taking meds (and stay on meds)

You can try to get some leverage with her by Leaving and telling her these are the conditions that I will come back

You get on medication and stay on them etc etc

She is likely to just get more mean and ramp things up if you leave so?

My husband refuses to get on medication, but in our case there is no physical violence or threat of physical violence

Protect yourself emotionally (don't believe her lies)

That doesn't mean don't take responsibility for Your part in it, but you don't have to just accept the untrue things she says or the mean insults she throws at you!

You aren't worthless!

protect yourself physically (so you don't end up getting arrested or one of you getting hurt!)

Do you have family you can go stay with for a little bit until you can see how this plays out?

How long have you two been married and are there children between you?

If you don't have any children with her then things are less complicated (fortunately)

If there Are children witnessing all this that should be the main priority

If there aren't children in the picture you Still need to leave (at least for awhile) until she gets stable and gets the help she needs

Meanwhile if you don't you will keep being abused and that shouldn't be tolerated whether you are a man or a woman

I am sorry you are going through this!

Stay strong and do what you need to do to take care of YOU

It does sound like she is only thinking of herself Or not thinking clearly at all.

After awhile you aren't sure what is right or wrong (she got you thinking YOU were the crazy one)

You aren't sure what is up and what is down and it gets very confusing because you are all up in it and can't see the situation for what it is

You can only control YOU and get the help YOU need to get healthy!

Peace

Post edited by: Lorriekay, at: 05/23/2011 07:42 AM

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