I think he is feeling desperate too.
It is strange as hell the way I have acted out the imprinting of my childhood.
I was a motherless child.
This is all so making sense to me right now.
My Dad would act like Mom was O.K. when in fact, she was not o.k.
There are so many matching pictures in our historys.
I think, I have found the key as to WHY I choose men that abuse ....partners and relationships with other people that are mentally ill and dangerous.
I have been reacting to BELIEF. The things that were imprinted on me as a child. The pictures of my childhood.
My XSO had matching pictures.
It all fits together like a puzzle that was in pieces in a box, and we..he and I...put the puzzle pieces together to make the picture.
My little brother set our house on fire.
My XSO set his house on fire when he was young too.
My XSO threatened to burn down my house.
My little brother committed suicide as an adult.
My step father was a horrible abuser.
My Big brother murdered him. He tried to kill my mother too.
It was like if our parents were dead the abuse would stop.
Our Beliefs...our imprinting was a tale of horror.
I have spent a lifetime, reacting to my BELIEFS.
Instead...of ACTING , Being (as in HumanBEING) on my own intelligence. My thinking. I have not been thinking.
I have been reacting.
O.M.G.
XSO is reacting to his BELIEFS.
" I have been healed by God and do not need medications."
That is a belief. He is reacting to his belief.
Not using his intelligence.
He too, is reacting to the pictures and trauma of his childhood that was also filled with horror and violence.
Belief and Thinking are NOT the same thing.
Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 03/24/2011 10:58 AM
