Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to see how many of you have had your BPSO go into a manic episode after a release of stress? Something where results or a decision was handed down with positive results that soon triggered mania. My BPSO has switched the switch once again but rather than a large influx of negative stress it was medical results for her father that were positive. I know the stress of these pending results were extreme but when the all clear was sounded on that issue she was off to the races within 24 hrs and now the BP mania is in full effect. Once again I have a person around me that I can't stand.

I'm preparing feverishly for my exit but hate having to go through this while I prepare. The whole Jeckel and Hyde thing drive me insane. One thing is for sure and that is that I've been sober myself for almost 18 months and she will do nothing to impede that. Sadly, I'm so adjusted to the inevitable mania that it doesn't affect me like it used to as I'm always expecting it. It's not "if it's gonna happen but rather "when"....

Oh well, another day in the life of an emotionally battered spouse of BP !!

I'm sorry....it doesn't take much at all to trigger my partner.

Any news at all can set him off.

I'm sorry things are rough right now for you.

I swear it's like a Cat 5 hurricane is coming and were saying let's get outta here now and there standing there with arms wide open saying "bring it on!" and then when it's over they want to stand there and act as though the destruction right in front of our faces doesn't exist. Mania at it's best !

You can only take the hurricanes for so long before you say the great times living on the beach aren't worth the destruction you must endure every time a hurricane comes rolling in. It's amazing how she will switch her friends from people that would run from the hurricane to those that will ride it out with her basically embracing the delusional thought process that it's normal! I feel like I'm an experienced meteroligist that knows everything there is to know about hurricanes but still continues to be the storm chaser that puts himself in harms way. Time for me to take a seat in the studio to watch these storms from far away !!

Post edited by: DEN1972, at: 03/19/2011 09:14 AM

DEN-it's amazing to me that you realize you need to get away.

Many of us just keep hanging on until we're too weak to run if we'd have to.

I know it is exhausting and you can make that a double dip when they turn and look at you and say that you are the sick one and the drain.

Talk about beating your head against the wall.

And I do feel guilt that somehow I couldn't just make it all right for my husband.

I just don't know what we are supposed to do.

Please feel free to continue to vent.

I think it's better to get it out among people who understand than to hold it in.

DEN - that is my situation exactly! I liken it to a tornado... same thing.

Stress definately triggers it with mine - and it manifests itself against me and the kids. Everything is my fault or the kids -

I am currently making a plan of escape. This chaos has pushed me to the limit.

Congratulations on the sobriety - that is a geat accomplishment - don't let her screw that up for you! We have to take care of ourselves, and they are responsible for themselves. If you have tried to get help for her and she refuses it, you cannot force her. Leaving may make her realize you mean business and make her look at herself, or it may not.

You have to do what makes you comfortable.

I have lived with this so long my reality is blurred - bc of this site and these wonderful people, I am beginning to see the truth and gain strength.

I hope it does that for you - keep posting -

behindthemask - damselndistress,

Thanks for the support….

I used to think of it as a tornado but I can no longer ignore all the pre-manic warning signs. You get little warning with tornados but if you’re in this cycle long enough you get plenty of warning the storm is brewing much like a hurricane.

I no longer try to convince myself that maybe, just maybe the mania will not rear its ugly head again. She's dx but unmedicated and constantly tries to spin her thought process and behavior as normal which makes me stand there in disbelief even though I know it's the BP talking rather than her stable self.

Either way she's not taking a sliver of responsibility and that in itself cements the fact this will never end and only get worse. She said yesterday that she feels that she's being forced to conform to the nuclear family setting?!?!? Hummm... I guess I forgot that wanting a stable, functional, emotional healthy nuclear family was the minority desire in society these days or at least in the mind of a manic BP person. The problem is that when stable all she wants in the nuclear family but in mania it's the last thing she wants. Just the whole Jeckel and Hyde scenario repeating itself.

I was never a consistent drinking but when I did I like the numbness it provided so much that I couldn't stop and a DUI proved that route was far from a responsible approach to my problems. Co-dependency has be a huge issue that I tackle daily but overcome quite quickly these days. I'm getting my finances in order so I can exit for good. I wish the scenario was different but after 11 years I've used every chip on the table and I must switch tables to where I at least have some odds of prevailing to a happy life without the constant chaos.

I am trying to get my "ducks in a row" too - I don't feel right letting my kids think this behavior is "ok". I have made excuses for so long but it's time for him to "grow up".

IDK how things will turn out so I am gonna look into options, with kids involved, it may get complicated.

I wish you the best - and peace to you -

If your planning an exit then just rememeber - Document, Document, Document and document some more!! Divorcing someone that's bipolar is no walk in the park especially if they become manic during the process which almost always happens. Just be prepared to really walk away because once the writing is on the wall many BP's will try to manipulate like crazy trying to get what they want or stop the divorce when true reality sets in. I stopped the divorce twice but naturally I'm was right back on the Bipolar roller coaster in no time.

Post edited by: DEN1972, at: 03/20/2011 10:45 AM

I know what you mean about hopping right back on the rollercoaster....we come to this breaking point over and over.

Husband has a chance to cool off and realize he doesn't want a divorce.

He cleans up his act for a while and then slips right back into the same pattern.

I have heard this controversial opinion: Stress is not a trigger for mania; it is a symptom of mania.