Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

All,

I have been married to my wife for 10 years. We have three beautiful kids (8, 6, and 2). My wife just got out of her second comittment to a mental institution in 15 months and has been diagnosed with BiPolar Disorder. She blames me for everything and has filed for a divorce (one week out of the hospital this time). I have been a loving and supporting husband. Her parents are completely enabling her and in denial of the illness.

I am worried about the safety of my kids. She has never stated she would harm herself or others, but I know the following:

- She does not show any interest in the kids at times (perfectly okay with being away from them for days)

- Does not attend kids sporting events

- Will leave our 2 year old wandering around the house unsupervised while she has the door closed in the bathroom with headphones on

- Is texting a random guy online and an old boyfriend (the old boyfriend doesn't email back)

- Her parents are getting her a condo to move out

Would I be able to get primary custody of the children? Could I get a court to demand supervision of the kids?

Please advise....THX.

Post edited by: RamsblingMan7, at: 03/02/2011 05:52 PM

I wish I had answers for you.

I hope it all works out for you.

My husband is the same way around the children.

Ships them to his parents on the weekends.

Does not attend sporting events or help them practice sports.

He's into his own thing or working most of the time.

His parents also support this and his mother from day 1 tries to make this out to be normal male behavior.

When the babies were little she went as far as to say she didn't want her son to have to help take care of babies in the evenings.

I think you could since she has been comittment to a mental institution and wont get treatment for her BiPolar. You have to write everything down...time and dates she does things that could be harmful. You also have the Dr's files on her illness. Document..document..document everything! Save text messages and email that may point to her being in a bad state of mind or abuse. Call a case worker and get the state involved if you have to. Try your best to stay in the house with the kids because as long as you are there she can't make you leave... Call the cops if she trys to leave with the kids and tell them she is suffering from a mental illness.

Good luck and Gods Blessings.

What is your intent ?

Do you want your kids to have a Healthy Mother,

or

?

The courts will determine what is in the best interest of the children,

it is in their best interest to have both parents raise them if they are not in Immediate danger.

The court will laugh at your stmt about the head phones.

They dont give a s*** about who she texts either.

You will need an order of the court to use medical records.

HELLO HIPPA

You can ask the court to do their won psyc eval. in a petition.

Get a lawyer.

Do what is in the best interest of the children.

ALWAYS

in addition :

bipolar court battles are the worst kind of hell.

you are going to need a lawyer.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 03/02/2011 10:43 PM

Depends on the judge and the evidence you produce. You can possibly obtain primary custody of the children if you can prove mother is unfit. I think it is often best to request supervised visits with the mother. If grandparents are responsible, you could aim for them to be the supervisors. The court will hopefully take into account her instability and hospitalizations and set up an agreement with her that she prove she maintains a healthy environment and gets well by maintaining her treatment before she can get full visitations. It will not be an easy battle. You do need to document everything. You should look for a good lawyer who has lots of experience in custody cases involving mental illness. And pray for a good judge who also has knowledge of mental illness. You do need to document everything where your wife has jeopardized the health and safety of the kids. Good luck.

All,

Thank you for the replies.....To be clear, I want a healthy mother to be a partner to raise our kids. I obviously fully realize that our three kids need a motherly figure to be there for them and want nothing other than that. My dream has been nothing else other than to simply have a happy family.

With that said, I do not have the confidence she will not spiral downward again. She is the one that has already filed for divorce and is adament on pushing this to the limit. She called me last night stating that I needed to come be with the kids and she needs a break - until Sunday. It was THU morning.

Has anyone been in this situation before? What are some items to which the court will listen to the challenges we are facing? My intent is NOT to keep her from the kids in any way shape or form. But as I have been adivsed by friends, I am too passive and need to realize that she is taking these actions and I must do all I can to protect the kids and long term needs. I am afraid that I will risk all to have someone tell me, "duh, that would never have happened." I would appreciate any insight, no matter how crude, from individuals who have faced this before.

As a side note, I have a 44 page journal detailing the events from the past couple years. Not all events, but many at least to capture her desire to get off meds initially and the psychotic behavior.

Thanks again to you all for chiming in. I appreciate any and all comments.

You need to get a lawyer.

o.k. i will chime in here.

OMG

This. sounds like my kids (now adults) fathers and my divorce.

Oh hell.

We logged. We journal ed. We fought tooth and nail and hired lawyers.

we hated

we spit fire

we cried

we tried everything we could

and used enough paper in court docs to have been responsible for de-forestation. (global warming)

well, last summer I cleaned out the barn. In it, I found totes. Many many totes of PAPER. F ING PAPER that did not mean a fucking thing to anyone that I payed well over 20K to have created.

Oh f*** ! the time. The money. The enegry.

Years and Years of bullshit. Just bullshit.

I didnt see it that way at the time. Oh, it was all so necessary THEN.

Well, here we are.....more than 20 years after and these kids are parents themselves. LOL

What a waste of time and money. Just a waste that could have been saved by grace and love.

We were dumb asses.

We were each convinced that the kids would be harmed in each others presence.

he didnt wanna pay child support.

I was hammering him to the wall.

He thought I was nuts.

I thought he was nuts.

We were nuts.

Well, when the boys turned oh...14 maybe 15..after all those YEARS of fighting like hell...OH I WANNA GO LIVE WITH MY DAD. I DONT LIKE LIVING WITH YOU.

Oh F&*%.

They went.

They came back,. They came and went again. and again.

Then, one day...they grew up.

The End

Thanks...Appreciate the comment. Suggestions on a lawyer? Someone with experience in mental illness? Someone good at negotiating or someone who can be an expert in divorce?

Blender,

Thanks....I don't mind child support, I just want to ensure the safety of my three kids. I obivously cannot decifer if the things I am witnessing are threats to the kids or not.

Thanks again....