Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I met my ex at work today. Twice. The first time when I just came in, we said hi to each other and that was it. Later I came out for a smoke. He was out smoking too. I looked at him but didn't say anything, nor did he. I sat down on a bench and smoked. Sometimes I could feel him looking at me, but may be I am wrong, may be i imagined it to myself. I was stressed. He finished his cigarette and walked it - passed by me without saying a word. That was very stressful. And I must say sad. I don't have fun rejecting people. But there isn't much I can do either. If there is anyone to make an approach, it should be him. i am not the one to approach me after all the cold treatment and abuse i went through. Running into him is distressing. I get stressed, uncomfortable, i don t know how to behave. i also feel the pain he made me go through. i remember how he treated me. he treated me like crap, he hurt me and now pretends he doesn t know me. and then he would probably sit down and think that i have abandoned him, that i am rejecting him, etc. i have no clue what he thinks, but i feel that way. i remember how he would always tell me "if not for you i would have been completely alone by now. thanks for not abandoning me". That means i was good for being there for him. Compared to other people i was good. so people who leave him are not that good. Now i am one of them and he probably tells the few friends he has left the exact same words. Now that i think of it, it isn't a nice thing to say. It s egocentric. Why would you say anyone "you are so good for not having left me like others"???. I think that if you want to show appreciation to someone, you should day something "i really appreciate you for what you are". It should be not relative to how I behave with you. Why this egotism? He probably doesn t eve perceive me as a person anymore. hateful. hateful. hateful. my work colleague keeps telling me "your ex is an idiot". i never correct him. i would of never used these words myself, but this is the impression that my ex gives on other people. it is objective. he did treat me very very badly. inhumanly. Distressed and sad.

Lissa, he is an A**.

Hold your head up, look good and keep your own council.

I am sure, he will not stay around too long.

I would hate to have to look at my abuser at work.

How un nerving.

Could you talk to HR and perhaps get help there ?

The stalking thing, going outside when you do....

is NOT O.K.

It has to be difficult to be in that same space.

How much longer?

I know it's bothersome, but try not to worry about what he is saying to others about you. Chances are they know he is an @$$ and are trying hard to get away from him and not paying much attention to what he is saying and who is is talking about!

(((hugs)))

i realized that I spent entirely way too much time listening and try to give answers to what has happened to my ex. I made a point that anytime I am going to have contact with her I make sure that I have a friend/family lined up afterwards to talk or meet. Not necessarily to rag about her, but just to hear sane people talk was very important to me. Sane friends are good!

Thanks very much, everyone.

livinginablender, no, he is not stalking me. It s just that we work in a small psychiatric hospital with only 2 floors, so it s easy to run into each other on smoke breaks. every once in a while... though, haven't seen him since then... so I will probably run into him every once in a while for the next 1.5 yrs, till we finish our M.Sc. degree..

sometimes, though, I wish i see him... when i really miss him. it s a bad set up...

(((Lissa)))

I know too how sad it is to have to leave your partner and have them hate you for it. It is so frustrating I could scream sometimes, you hear the hateful things they say about you. I feel esp. sad when I was forced to leave the relationship because of his behaviour and then they go into denial about it and it is your fault in their minds.

You have to find a way to let it go for your own sanity, it is just too painful to hold onto, and you will never get heard by them.