Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Evenings are depressing. I miss him. I have poor concentration and have hard time with working. I am nor productive and it brings me down even more. i constantly fear of failing. i am afraid of failure so badly... i will need to meet him on Friday to give him back his shirt that i accidentally took with me and to take back my mittens that i forgot there. I keep thinking about this meeting all the time. i wait for it to get done with it. somehow the fact that we need to meet is draining. so draining. tired, depressed... what else? i wish we didn't work at the same place. that means we will probably cross every once in a while and act as if we were strangers. this is draining too. i keep going in circles of feelings. now i am mad at him, now i love him so much that i can t stand it. also, i project my feelings on him a lot. when i really miss him and am overwhelmed with a tender feeling of love, i feel like he should feel the same way. these are the moments where i feel like texting him and say something nice, say that i miss him. these are the moments where i need to take all the energy to inhibit myself and then cry... i sometimes wonder if he misses me. most likely he does... i also wonder if he loves me... probably not.

I feel this same way.

I get where you are at.

Part of me wishes I had the money to go to a rehab place and stay for several weeks and get healthy.

I don't know if it would be worth it though.

What I want is my old self back with all I know now.

I sometimes feel myself but like right now my left ear is ringing.

My husband got ready to take off on an errand and while he said he was leaving I teared up. I seem to have no control of my emotions they are all over the place.

I don't like the state I'm in right now and I don't even know how I got here.

I feel good most of the time when I hug my kids.

That makes me happy.

Other than that I am just here trying very hard not to starve to death.

Okay, there will be NO starving to death on my watch Damsel!

Have you been drinking your ensure? How 'bout food? Have we had any of that today? You worry me to death woman!!!

(((lissa))) I believe they love us as much as they are able to. That is not always the way we deserve to be loved. He loves you even if he can't be with you.

More importantly though, you love you and that is what really matters. You are going to be okay. Maybe not today but very soon.

There will come a day when you do see him at work and you feel sorry for him.

Damsel, do you have health insurence ?

I think the time to go is now.

Damsel, if you have a place for your kids to go or you think they will be ok w husband, I would go too. I spent a week in the psychiatric unit at the hospital and it really helped me, to just focus on me. Yes they put me on meds, but I REALLY needed to get away and get help for ME. I caught up on sleep, they fed me well and I even made friends there, some of the women there were in the same boat.

I was assigned a counselor there and still see him once a month that really helps. You have to take time to take care of yourself.

I try to eat a bowl of Total cereal every day (ensure is probably just as good) to at least get vitamins and try to keep up some level of energy, I'm sure you need that with your kids. It's hard to take care of your needs when you have kids too, but it would help you and them in the long run.

Love you - ((Lissa)) Sally is wise in what she says - I agree... they are the ones sick, not us, it is sad but it isn't our fault.

Damsel, I am sorry you feel that way.. Please take care of yourself. May be see a therapist? I really hope you feel better soon!... Hugs))

Thanks to everyone.

Sally, I think you are right... And I do feel sorry for him... already... thanks again...

Lissa you take care of yourself.

The damage that this disorder can do to people is unbelievable.

Eat and take care of yourself Lissa even if you don't feel like it.

damsel and lissa

You know where I am going with this, right?? You need food. You need strength. You have to do more than try, hon. You need the calories every day .. your aim is 2000 per day, damsel. You have to count calories up. You have to drink ensures a few a day. Please do not starve. You know how this works? Sad scary story .. a woman I know of (I used to counsel and I hear about other counsellors clients) got too skinny .. well under 100 pounds. She turned it around a bit. She got to a small but normal weight 105 pounds .. 1 year after she started to eat again .. on her way to well? she had a heart attack and died. Because during her starvation she had damaged her heart and it did not recover. She died of her anorexia anyway. Many do not die in the starvation stage, they die after. You have to eat, trust me. Not eating is suicide in stages. People get to watch you die slowly. It hurts. It is a way to say *NO* to life, and it will kill you.

A bowl of cereal a day? an ensure a day? You are eating 300 calories???!! This is not good enough, and if you are living like this, you need treatment for anxiety, depression and / or anorexia.

Please hear me ..

Thank you damsel and thank you rch. I am eating, for once. I am trying my best to take care of myself. Taking care of yourself means loving yourself which is so important. I am learning to do it. (though i ve been always bad with taking care of myself and with eating too)... Damsel, take care of yourself too! Loving yourself is the first step to happiness...