Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I remember one night not long time ago when being with him...I have been told I am a stupid bitch. A dominate stupid bitch...!!!!

I did not speak with him for sometime now...but today i had enough of him not giving me money back and the car that he should give me back..., so i texted him...about that. He texted me back that he would like to come tomorrow to talk about money etc...I texted him, no i don't want to see you, we can talk by phone. So insted of calling me he started to text me more!!!

He's offer was ''selling''his car to me and giving me back the other car...

Sorry, i don't understand he owes me money and he wants to sell car to me...and i need to pay him money for it?????I really don't understand!!!!

When i texted him back , no that's not how the things are he's gone quiet!!!!

That's it!!!!

This is mad...or im mad????

Post edited by: lubianna, at: 02/03/2011 11:06 AM

Where you and your boyfriend living together? Who's name is the car title in? Did you bring up the fact that he owes you money? What was his response? Is the place you are living in yours? If there are 2 cars and he gives you one, why would you want to buy the other one? The division of property after a break up is hard. Sometimes the courts need to get involved. Sorry you are so frustrated.

Yes, we were living together. I bought the car, but it's on his name now. Yes i did and he's answer was that i can buy off him the other car!!!!But sorry i did not understand at all, i don't own him money, he owns me money!!!The house is not his.There are 3 cars.

I think that he wants me to buy off the other car from him because he does not have or doesn't want me to give money back...

lubianna

Let the courts decide. Stop negotiating with him. He is not in charge. Get yours based on the courts. I would not give him one cent for sure. He owes you? Keep it separate. 1) He can pay you back. 2) Figure out the car situation. Unfortunately, if the title of the car is in his name, he can probably keep it. Ask a lawyer. I know lawyers cost money. Sometimes, it is just not worth it. The division of property is not as clear as we might think .. or as fair.

Post edited by: rch, at: 02/02/2011 03:31 PM

If you get back together with him or when you have another boyfriend don't lend money or buy them a car and if you feel you must you need a "contract" so you can easily win the case if it goes to court. Are either of you making payments on any of the three cars? Do you have possession of the car or cars that are in your name? If you have transportation why would you want his cars? Tell him you don't want his cars and to sell them quickly because you need your money back.

I was just going to say it is not worth it. I told my husband even if he only filed for divorce and has not had me served as of yet that he could keep everything and everything is 5 cars 1 truck with a boat and the flat screen TV and what every else he wants. All I want was 1 car and full custody of our 12 year old daughter. I am at this point, he can have the 5 cars, 1 truck, 1 boat, flat screen TV and whatever else, as long as I don't have to deal with his BP. That means if my daughter and I will be homeless again then so be it. So as of today he has not brought me the titles to sign over. but this is how I feel I need to handle things with my BPSO. Each person is differnt.

You need to do what you feel is the best thing for you and how you would be able to move forward.

I left three months ago with three pairs of jeans, three tee shirts and have not been this happy in years.

I dont give a shit about stuff anymore.

GOod to see you are not talking to him. Good job. This gives YOU strength.

Now, eat well. Dont talk to him for three more days. Get stronger.

Let us know how you are doing.

F*** him. He dont get to tell you what to do. IGNORE HIM.

AND IN THREE DAYS...you can go to the court and get a restraining order and an order to freeze the assets.

OK,,,,three more days. EAT SLEEP and maybe watch movies.

Good to see you getting stronger.

Good job.

Dont let him know your plans, as that is not safe.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 02/02/2011 10:38 PM

Oh Yeah, being a bitch is not always a bad thing.

Niether is taking control of your life.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 02/02/2011 10:39 PM

living's advice is completely right on. Lubiana, you can do this! You can stop talking to him for 3 days, right? Just to think. And then on the 3rd day >> take action .. ie police restraining order change locks. Remember this part DO NOT TALK TO HIM, AND DO NOT TELL HIM YOUR PLANS TO GET A RESTRAINING ORDER AND CHANGE THE LOCKS. It is dangerous to tell him. It is the most dangerous part of this exit plan. Now think about this .. if he knows, and you have not done anything yet, he is gonna get mad! He is gonna freak! And you will not have your ducks in a row. Get safe. GET SAFE. I hope you can hear us through the roar, lubiana. Your guy is an ABUSER. He will hurt you. The police will serve him the order. That is their job. And meanwhile you have to block all his calls and contacts. ALL of them. Explain to the daughters, they cannot give him a key (he may try to manipulate one out of them). Have emergency contact #s in all rooms and in your purse and car. Do not cave in. Your life is at risk. He is one dangerous guy. There is NOT ONE person posting here that says maybe you should stick around for this horrible abuse. We all agree that you need to get him out and gone. Call a battered womans centre or the crisis line, and just talk.

You are doing a good job, lubiana. Youare hearing us, I can tell. You are strong, I can tell. You are going to make this work out for you and the children. You have friends here. Post and talk and keep talking to us. Please know we are on your side.

Lubiana,

We are the women on the other side of your nightmare. We have been where you are. We got out. We are reaching our hands out to you. Please grab on ..

Post edited by: rch, at: 02/03/2011 07:25 AM

Thank you rch, there's only one child in me-im pregnant...

The Police won't help me at all, because i don't have any proof that he owes me money, and the car is on his name already....So there is nothing i can do now...maybe i should let go...let go on money and the car....I last 2 years i spent all my saving on him, his kids and his buisness so he can have it everything now....I was so stressed last night that my hands were shacking i could not calm down myself....

lubianna

It is easier to let the material stuff go,then it is to fight a losing fight. There is no legal recourse..so you really have no choice. You are pregnant, so you need to not be so stressed out.

Remember not to spend all your money on some guy in the future, hon. That is a big red flag right there. He used you. Good reason to just cut him out of your life.

Yes, I know .. the baby. But do you really want him to participate in raising that child? I honestly would hope he fades so far, you have no more trouble or interaction with him. Raise the baby on your own, because then you can be in control of the peace.

Lubianna, It is hard to accept some of these outcomes and consequences. But, you can do this.

I know I always say that I had the same sort of experience. It is kind of scary how many bad times I have overcome. But, I did. I had a baby, one small suitcase of clothes and 10 cents (cost of a pay phone in the old days). I had absolutely nothing else. I walked away from a house, furniture, car, food all my babies toys etc .. I had managed to pack mementos and baby pics when I escaped (31 years ago). I started over.

6 months ago, I again walked away with only a small suitcase. I started over. it is just stuff, and you can get it again.

You are pregnant and you MUST calm down. You must not let him into your world. Protect your baby and your heart.

((lubianna))

Post edited by: rch, at: 02/05/2011 07:38 AM