Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I understand my husband is bipolar. He has a disese that makes him say horrible things. I do not understand how I end up the one feeling sad and hurt and he goes about his day like the fight or his hurtful words didnt ever matter. He convinces himself that I am the bad one, that I make him miserable and sometimes has me questioning myself until I think clearly about it. Like today. My grandmother who I was very close to passed away last week. My husband has been somewhat supportive to me up untill today. He took off work today b.c of the weather. We have been getting tight on money. He has been taking off here and there for diff resons. I mentioned it this morning (concerned). His response was to put me down. "you are a stay at home mom, what do you do"? I try to make a joke..."I'm a maid, a chef..." he interupts me..."what a maid a chef, stop there...there is probably laundry in the machine and you dont even know how to cook a homemade meal" I reply " youve have home cooked meals all week what r u talking about, and the laundry isnt in the machine but if it was exuse me this week has been very tough"! He looks at me, laughs and says "chicken in the bag is not home cooked and about your grandmom, boo-hoo, what a crises...get over it"! I just looked at him with tears forming, didnt know what to say. I said "you are horrible". He replied, "Ive been misirable for years with you...go find someone else to mooch off of". (we were fine last night, and last week) I dont know how he can turn him saying mean things to me into how misserable he is b/c of me?? I hate this disorder! It steals my husband from me and replaces him with a monster. Now he is at the gym...lifting weights so he caan obsess over himself somemore, while Im at home sad. Trying to put on my happy face for our 4 and 6 year old kids!

(((kathy)))

Hi kathy

Welcome. Sad. It is so hard to llive with this attitude of cold-ness. I know. It was unkind what he said, never mind that he is bp. I hate bipolar. I left my husband. His hurtful words still haunt me.

I am sorry about your grandmother.

If he doesn't take his meds he will remain the same or even worse.

Try not to talk to him and make a decision if this is the life you want for you and your children

We are here for you.

take care

Sherry

kathy, my now ex behaved the exact same way while he was not feeling Ok. He said the same hurtful words and many more. I don't understand why bipolar makes them evil. Anything would be better than this extreme coldness.

((((((((Kathy))))))))

Your life sounds like mine. I have spent many of his episode days, crying and wondering how to NOT set him off. My daughter and I walk on eggshells all the time and it is so hard to deal with on a daily basis. Know this, you are not alone and you will never be alone. My husband doesn't take anything and refuses to get on meds. Claims they make him a zombie. I might prefer that to the monster he becomes sometimes.

lol, I might prefer him being a zombie instead of a monster as well. Thank you for all the support and oomments. I almost didnt join the other day, but Im glad I did. It's hard to talk to my friends and family about him anymore. They either think Im stupid for not leaving already or the dont understand his disese. Sometimes it's just easier to pretend everythings great. At the same time...I havent had anyone to vent to in a while, so thanks again. When I think its a good time Im going to plead with him to go back to his psychiatrist again. It's been almost a year now that he has gone, or taken his medicine. Most of the year has been pretty good compared to what it has been, so I didnt press the issue. I can see things getting worse again fast and it's a bad, scarry feeling. Thanks again for your words!

Kathy, I told my BF I would not stay with him if he is not medicated. You obviously are in a different situation, being married with kids, but I would try to plead with him to get back on meds. There is just no way a BP person can ever live a long-term, stable life, without being medicated. You'll go crazy if you try to deal with it because the thing is, they're just not rational. You can't reason with someone who is unmediated, mentally ill, and irrational. I do try to remember, if he says hurtful things, that it is just the evil side, and like a child, he is just hitting below the belt and doesn't even mean the stuff, Try to compartmentalize. Your husband doesn't mena those things... it's just the irrationality of the disorder talking. But, you'll never stay sane on a regular basis if he isn't treated. I'm surprised you have lasted this long. Is he BPII? My BF is BPI, and there is no way he'd be able to go a year without a hospitalization, if not on meds. And don't get discouraged if he is a zombie at first... it sucks, and takes a month or so, but eventually, they are not a zombie anymore. My BF was for the first month of Seroquel/Lithium/Zyprexa, and now he's totally fine on it... (((HUGS))) to you

bp1 does not hear voices, as far as I know.

He was taking the seriquil and lamictal and slept all the time and said he couldnt get to the gym and work and do the things he normally did so the dr put him on saphris. My husband said that tasted like metal and he couldnt bear to take it. He takes all of these supliments from gnc to bulk up and make himself look better (which all make him very angry) but wont take the prescribed med to make him better. I dont get it! I think he likes feeling the way he does when he's sick. He was diagnosed with bipolar 1 rapid cycling. His dr did recommend hospitalization at one point...thats around the time my husband stopped seeing him and stopped his medicine!