Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

Hi I'm new here and I feel like this is me completely at the end of my tether. My partner of 2 1/2 years (and friend of 11) has bipolar II (and also been spoilt rotten his hole life) and at the moment he is round the corner at his mum and dads telling them how crap I am.

1. i have a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship. she loves my partner but is getting very upset by his behaviour.

2. we have a 5 month old son, who is the most adorable little boy you could imagine and i love him dearly (BUT - he is the result of a forced sexual encounter when my partner was off his meds)

3 he did the same thing last christmas - has isolated me from my family, friends everyone, telling everyone how shit I am and how unreasonable i sm ... when he has just left us a few weeks before christmas because i asked him to put the butter in the fridge!!!!

4. his parents dont like me because i got him to admit himself to hospital last year ... after throwing pound coins at my daughter, urinating on kitchen worktops and cups and the bin, throwing flour around the house and knives at the kitchen door and all my friends sons toys out a window (YES he was off his meds, YES he needed to be in hospital, YES that was the first time... am i to blame for his behaviour or mking him seek help??? i think NO!)

anyway as a result of that they HATE me and it was all my fault according to him and my 'nearly' inlaws from hell....

im constantly put down, for all the cooking, cleaning and childrearing i do ... i got him to get a job and a life and grow up a bit ...

might i add ,... his parents think he should be locked up in the house not working and having them pay for him all the time (not helpful when we have a family budget he constantly blows and then thinks its ok to sponge from his parents to get nonsense items for 'the goodof the family') I have worked hard my whole life, as a single parent got 7 highers, a degree In molecular biology and ran a house and worked for 7 years ... i dont like him taking money from his parents... i dont CARE how wealthy they are.

we were supposed to get married last april, but due to a forced sexual encounter (when he was manic)i became pregnant with our wonderful son, and so our priest would not marry us. We just booked the wedding for June a month ago and a week ago he decided he was leaving me over butter!

might i also add, I lost my JOB because he rang my work constantly and started abusing my employer, i nearly lost my home because the landlord didnt like the state of teh house last time she came... he spills stuff on the floor doesnt wipe up has ruined my carpets... leaves stuff lying that i constantly pick up.

anyway ... i DO love this man... but i love my children more ... should i support him when he is back or leave for the good of my children?

Leave for the good of the children .. it is what I call a no -brainer. I do not mean that rude. I am saying .. if you are thinking it is hurting the children (and I think it likely must be), then it is not a contest. Children win.

Post edited by: rch, at: 12/12/2010 05:18 PM

Oh my goodness I can see this is just very difficult for you.

Things are never going to be right while you are with him are they.

My psychologist did tell me i had a better chance without my husband for a normal life, it sounds like that could be the case for you too.

I have 2 children that came through forced sex so I understand that. The first child he was making me have sex with him every single night. I had just started a new birth control pill, and had flu like symptoms at the end of the month and that is how I got son no 2.

Same with son no 4 he said come on, we laid down on the bed he used no protection, I wasn't sure I was okay he thought I was and now we have child number 4.

Those are difficult pregnancies to get through I know.

The kitchen mess I have seen too.

Mine threw a fit went out and pulled out one of my grandmother's bowls and threw it on the floor it broke it. On top of that he broke eggs, then on top of that he squirted ketchup all over then ordered me to clean it up.

I stared at him and called his father over.

His dad looked at the mess and just shook his head but I am not sure he was able yet to see that his son had a problem.

I really don't know what it would take or what I expect to happen when and if any acknowledges what I have lived with.

Bottom line I guess it is our choice.

Are we willing to keep living that life.

No one can decide for us but us.

There is no glory with staying with a bipolar partner in my eyes.

It only means subjecting yourself to more behavior.

Well said!

this is all incredibly true. I know there is no point in trying and trying and running in circles. my kids are TOO important.

I have a choice, they dont, i have to make the right choice for them... by the looks of all that I have sen on this site, even if it isgoing to get better it will only get a whole lot worse first!

i have to make sure they are safe emotionally and otherwise.

daddy has to go.

abouttogocrazy

You are making the right decision. If you do go through with this >> Remember to be safe. Do it safe. Have the locksmith ready to come over and change the locks same day. Do not tell him that part. Do not fight with him. Do not tell him what he does not need to know or anything that will potentially provoke him. I must warn you , that bipolar separation is not a pretty picture. Be prepared to call 911 or whatever your emergency dial is. I am not trying to scare you out if this .. I am saying .. do not be too shocked if he just flips .. And he will try to return with promises of good behaviour. So, make your decision and hold firm, hon. PM me anytime.

Good Luck to you if you do decide to leave.

I'm in the process of a divorce from my husband. I'm not happy about it but I can see that in the end it's the best for me and my son.

ok, he has just called me and said that he is willing to go to a bipolar counsellor so that they can see if its him or my mother who has fucked ME up more? how does that even make sense? I told him that he needed to get counselling and a med review if he wanted to be part of the family.

He thinks the counselling is for me because i am apparantly fucked up.

You might be. Bipolar people fuck up everything/everyone around them. Try couseling with him, it might help but it wont work. At the very least it might validate you seeing that his family blame you for alot.

I went to marriage couseling with my ex wife, the therapist basiclly told her I was right and that she should give me some space to be happy. I liked that lady

OH YES Abouttogocrazy that is what I am going thru right now with Jack my BP husband!

He said I needed to get my mind straight so I started seeing a therapist.

The therapist knows Jack, and knowns he is BP so we are working on helping me deal with Jack and also teaching me to be more assertive.

He want's to bring Jack in soon so he can maybe start helping him also. Jack says he will go but he is still under the impression this is all because I have mental issues!

We will see how it goes! Jack has been to this guy before. When Jack was a cop he had to go to anger management a couple times when he blew up on duty, (they didn't know he was BP) so this therapist knows all about Jack!!!