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11/17/2010 12:00 PM

This last manic episode changed me, I'm worried!

Sally84
Sally84  
Posts: 1118
Member

Not sure what to make of this current empty feeling I am having lately.

Jack has been calm for about a month now but since his last manic episode I have not been able to "snap back" like I usually do. I feel like something is gone that was there before. Blink

Okay, I don't even understand what I am trying to say. Ermm

I feel numb........ like his moods are just not effecting me anymore. Pinch

I use to get thru the manic episodes and I was so relieved that he FINALLY liked me again and he was FINALLY being nice to me again, but this time, I couldn't give a F*&$ if he is here or not! Angry

Not so much mad, just........nothing.

I think my "love switch" may have turned off, which is scary because I have never been one to have fast on and off emotions. This seems to have happened almost over night!

I think if he walked out on me today I would be like "oh, okay, bye dude, c-ya".

Any thoughts? Wassat

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11/17/2010 12:12 PM
hopefulcb
hopefulcb  
Posts: 3932
VIP Member

I think we get to a point when we just can't take anymore so we say "When". That is usually when they turn around for the better, because we are not focusing on them anymore, so they have to.

When you have been beaten down (figuratively speaking) and you just can't take anymore, you don't give a SH&& and that seems to be where you are at.

When I have gotten that way, my husband is on his best behavior, because if he made one wrong move, he could be OUT.

Hopeful


11/17/2010 12:14 PM
Rollercoaster2969
Posts: 250
Member

Sally-I felt this same way when mine left this last time. I was totally fine, felt nothing. I have felt so many emotions over the years, I think I had none to feel anymore. It's emotional exhaustion. No other way to explain it I guess. :O(

11/17/2010 12:33 PM
Young47
Young47Posts: 163
Member

I can also confirm that I now feel this way... NOTHING. Went from head-over-heels, I can't live without you love, to just absolutely nothing in about 6 years. This kind of treatment and environment, even if they can't help it, just beats you down. I think we may have finally come to terms with the fact that we simply cannot help them, and it will continue until THEY decide to do something that stabilizes things. Sometimes we need to give up and move on for our own mental health. I'm just amazed at how little moving on actually hurt in the end.

11/17/2010 12:59 PM
benzhead
benzhead  
Posts: 280
Member

It also means youre healthy. A normal reaction to something you know will happen again. If you keep watching the same scary movie or ride the same rollercoaster, you just adapt amd it becomes less scary.

11/17/2010 01:13 PM
Sally84
Sally84  
Posts: 1118
Member

Glad to know this is just part of the process.

I use to see Jack as a strong and very intimidating person, but all of a sudden he looks weak and pitiful. He has not changed in appearance at all, just the way I am perceiving him has changed!

Once his manic episode is over it usually takes me a couple days to warm back up and then we are back to having fun, but this time I am just not warming up.

It's strange, and scary, and confusing, but it hurts less........ *ugh* Sad


11/17/2010 02:59 PM
lovelaura
lovelauraPosts: 256
Member

I felt this way for a couple of months, during one of my ex's episodes. When she dumped me for the third time in one year, i had just become sort of emotionless. Not happy...not sad...just almost as if nothing significant in my life had changed. Well fast forward a couple of months...i am sad. But not devastated or anything.

11/17/2010 03:39 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

It did not really happen overnight. You have been wore down over time. You just did not know how close the off switch was to being hit. I used to say to my ex *if this keeps up, one day you will hit the off switch and there will be no turning it back on*. It happened. When I cried for the death of our marriage, it was not for him. It was a few years worth of grief all pent up, and I just slid down the wall - so to speak - and crumbled. Finally. And then it was done.

07/12/2011 03:22 PM
frazzled

You can only put up with so much. I know what you are feeling, as I'm sure most ppl who have dealt with a manic spouse. You are entitled to your feelings also... bipolar or not... hurtful and mean comments can't easily be forgotten and you just get drained. It isn't a normal relationship with a bipolar so you are not going to have normal emotions.. meaning you will go up and down with them. Take time to be there for yourself, and you may also just get to the end of your rope and not want this anymore. How are his meds? Maybe he needs some tweeking to keep him more stable. Hugs to you.

07/12/2011 03:53 PM
HopeforLove
HopeforLovePosts: 123
Member

This is EXACTLY what I'm feeling. Recently my spouse had the first of his diagnosed manic episodes, but I'm sure (looking back now) it was one of MANY MANY episodes that I've endured. We've been together a total of 6 years, 1 married, and my off switch has been clicked. I'm done. I don't want to be on this roller coaster anymore. The love I have for him no longer outweighs the grief, pain and exhaustion I feel and it's been something I can't fix. I hope you find comfort and peace knowing you are not alone.
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