Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I cry over the fact that I gave so much of my heart in return for dreams that never came true.

I was fortunate to spend so many years with my wife that giving my heart to her allowed many of the dreams to come true...yet my dreams ended before its time.

With my new friend I found myself in grief not because I probably wont see her again, but because for a brief momment I gave my full heart and I let my romantic imagination get the best of me thinking about the life that could of been. I imagined the world I could have shown her, places to see, stories to share, and finding a potential partner to grow old together. The life that could have been...and never was. That is what I shed tears about.

I undoubtadely am going to have a difficult time in new relationships...always dreaming about the future of a life that only existed in my dreams and thoughts.

sadsad

Post edited by: sadsadhubby, at: 11/08/2010 08:24 PM

Here are some honest thoughts:

I think you need to stop trying to make any one else, or any idea of anyone else, fit into a picture you have in your head. I think maybe with the friend, you went way too fast, even in your own thoughts? The idea that you were falling in love so fast, and that she has somehow been unkind or unforgiving or bitter? seems like an over reaction .. and maybe those feelings are best tacked on to your ex wife. I think the friend was probably simply not as into the thing as you hoped, but these things also take time. It might have scared her that you had this intensity. It sounds like it was just way too fast.

It is normal to grieve the loss of hopes and dreams. You lost those. But do not throw the baby out with the bath water. You had those positive years and that excellent son.

Grief takes time. But it is not permanent. And I guess, there is never any guarantee that anything can last forever. Maybe we are meant to take the lesson and move forward. Maybe, we are not meant to have romantic forever happily ever after in every case. But, the only the lesson that the relationship offers?

I hope you can consider these thoughts and not feel offended. Just my thoughts ..

You only confirm what others say...and I am just going to have to stop dreaming, wishing, and come down to earth and slow it down. Remember my slow down puppy...I just didn't listen to others as I should have.

thanks

sadsad

My now-ex-husband has been gone over 2 years now and I am not over it ... I am not grieving all the time any more the same way I used to. I am accepting things, but I don't feel I am ready for a new relationship. I hope that I don't need to spend the rest of my life alone, but I am not looking for anyone. I hope there is a destiny and what is meant to be will be.

Take the time to get to know yourself better, your are worth it.

Post edited by: Lena, at: 11/08/2010 11:38 PM

He touched my hair. Within 5 minutes of meeting. Did not ask to. Just touched it. NEXT: he was making plans to give me paint. Yeah, five gallons of paint for my house. He was planing to give me his blackberry as he was getting a new cell phone in a few weeks.

This freaked me out, I did not know him like that.

Intense.

I wouldnt do that again.

And sadsad..I do the same thing you do! When I start to like someone else I draw this huge picture in my head of how the future will be with this person. I picture myself living in their apartment..travelling together..holidays together..even fighting with each other. And then when it all comes crashing down because the other person isnt interested it hurts 500x more because you've already gone through the scenarios in your head. Im so bad for that...

It is just going to be a grieving process that wont be normal. Our ex's are not dead. They are out there...and we still have one eye open worrying about them. The other eye trying to focus on our "new " future. And it is very very heartbreaking to have a relationship disolve into the air like that.

There is not going to be an easy way out of this hole. Just time unfortunately...and finding some way to make sense of this all.

Hang in there though...you will meet a special person when the time is right and you will know it.

Well said, Evangeline. It’s hard and it’s painful but we really do have to provide our own closure. I believe being on this site is part of my closure.