Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

So I think ive made it pretty clear that my ex was never that nice to me even when he was around. So I keep asking myself why it hurts so bad..or why somtimes I just want him back and I realized I just really love the feeling of reconciliation.

The last time we got back together he was so wonderful. We just sat and held each other so tight for hours not even talking. Then we went to bed and couldnt sleep so I just layed on top of him and talked the whole night. It was so great. The next morning I took him to his fathers and a few hours later he called and wanted to take me out on a date which was so cute.

It's the same feeling you get when you start dating anyone I guess. Those first few weeks when everything is just amazing! Except with him it only lasted days probably.

After that though I think things started going downhill again. He moved back in and things eventually got less sweet.

That feeling is what I miss. Not sitting around while he calls me a whore and a bitch. And I know that is what will happen everytime. I guess I need to just tell myself that I will have that feeling again..just not with him.

Hey Blonde, I feel you.I understand what you are saying

exactly.I also think this is sadly part of the mourning

process.It is sooo dang hard to have such wonderful and awful memories of the same person.It tears you up!You sound like you are getting stronger. ! It is definatly a process.I am just now at the 6 month marker of our break up, and it feels like it has been weeks.

Venting this helps alot at least it does for me.

I wish for you all the peace in the world!

Thank you Cshell

I've done the same thing, actually just got through doing it again then. Those periods, short lived, feel wonderful until the other behaviors show back up. Yesterday i was the only good thing in her life and she seemed to acknowledge some of her unhealthy behaviors and now life is wonderful because she went to church today. I've seen this so many times. I'm starting to realize I'm the unhealthy one here and as long as i'm romantically involved i'm full of anxiety, fear and insecurity. Time to break free. There are good people out there. Hang in there.

I was thinking about adrenalin this evening. I had this thought this evening about the addiction to adrenalin.

Hummm....

The next thought I had was that my whole being had joined the adrenalin train ride of the disorder .

I so hope this feeling passes in 28 days . It will be interesting to me as time passes to note the cycle of the need for speed/adrenalin.

Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is not rational thinking.

Post edited by: livinginablender, at: 11/02/2010 09:58 PM

Hey blonde0337, I really hope you are able to figure out what you want to do, soon. It is so hurtful to be broke up from someone you love so much. It is true that it would be very frustrating to have them come back and feel all the love come rushing back, only to have that love ripped from you again in just a few days. Take care and I really hope things get better for you, even if that means you have to finally take that big step and detach. But it is entirely up to you, as to what is best for you.

Thanks guys..I have decided that i'm not going back..I decided that a little while ago I think. No matter how good it feels when we reconcile, its not enough to make me want to put myself through this hell my whole life.

Last going off my boyfriend would act like I had baby shit on my t-shirt if I came at him for a hug. I want a guy that wants to hug me any chance he gets..not ONLY after he comes crawling back after a breakup. Even though I still miss him sometimes I am going to fight it with all I have.

I used to pray to god and ask him to bring my ex back. And he did everytime. Now I don't ask god for that. I ask him for happiness...and that is what he is giving me I think.

blonde

I cannot say it enough .. you are wise!! You have such deep insights. Thank you for sharing them here. Addiction to the feeling of reconciliation .. Yes, it is such a relief to get out of the feeling of sadness and longing. So, the person who hurts us also saves us. But only temporarily. Because then they turn around and become the one who hurts us again. I know for awhile, I was fixated on him, because I was watching for the down turn, then the upturn. Then the downturn. The only way out for me was / is to stop looking in his direction. I so do not want a life of hurt, and that is all he really had to offer in the end. O yeah, I also want to say .. I hate unhappy endings, so it was as much me as him in some ways. I wanted the happy ending, which was not possible with him. I let him back those few times, so we would not have an unhappy ending .. Now I accept that it cannot be happy .. and it is fast becoming just a sad memory.

I know you will be happy with a healthy person who hugs you every chance he gets. That will be one lucky guy .

Rch you are so kind We are the same..I wanted a happy ending so badly.

I used to be so addicted to love. I based my whole life around it. Skipped college..skipped jobs..skipped trips and major opportunities just to get the happy ending. But I am done with that now. NOBODY I ever dated gave up opportunities for me. EVER. So now I am doing my own thing. And I am not changing my plans for ANY guy.

Good for you, blonde!