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10/23/2010 12:36 PM

More Despair...

Darkness
 
Posts: 16
Member

Well, My husband has had another step back into the darkness. He has a job that requires travel and it mostly occurs in the summer/fall. Needless to say after staying sober for the last 2 years he had an episode of mania and decided to drink and drive again. He is now facing Felony charges since this will be his 3rd DUI and he blew a very high number. I feel sorry for him as he would never drink when he had his mania episodes before. My mom thinks I am crazy to stay married and I feel so lost. I do love him as he is a wonderful father and husband when he is not hyper, but when he is hyper he is a totally different person. You guys are my sounding board. He went to confession and talked to a priest who is a recovered alcoholic. He has always felt no desire to drink as he knew the consequences would be detrimental to his life. Who knows where we are headed.... He did go back to his doctor treating his bipolar and she doubled his Lamictal to 200mg Extended Release and put him on Prestique (Anitdepressant). Heaven knows he is very depressed now. Everything was going so well except for these episodes that will occur of the mania. I live in fear of what will happen next. Is it common that when you have those mania episodes that you have no control and do things you normally wouldn't? I am guessing that is yes as I have read up some on this. I have three children that love their dad, but I am having a hard time knowing what to do. Do you take away the keys so he can never drive to remove the chance of the Drinking and Driving?? Do you find him a job you can take him to and home from so he we be under your constant supervision?? I have my own job and three kids how do you take care of all that and stay sane???? Any advice would be great. He is a wonderful person just so lost in all this.... When do you give up and move on for you sanity sake???

Darkness

LOST.....

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10/23/2010 12:44 PM
damselndistress
damselndistressPosts: 16965
VIP Member

I think you might have to ask him what his plan is?

How he will get to work etc?


10/24/2010 05:18 PM
Darkness
 
Posts: 16
Member

Yeah he is waiting to hear about his court date, but what do I do for now. I have three weeks before he has a court date and he can drive for now. He tells me their is no way he will leave because he knows I am worried that same situation may happen again. He has a bracelet on his leg to make sure there is no alcohol in his system. How often can Mania episodes happen?? If it is happening once a week it's not controlled or once a month. What is the usually mania and do others have more extreme episodes than others. One psych doc told me that he will always have this episodes and the goal is only to control the extreme of them. I don't know how to live with that. With the drugs he is on now he feels in the middle. Is that a good sign?? I am thinking yes. Is their anyway I can truly trust him again or can you trust anyone with B/P?? Do the lies go along with the mania?? Sorry for all the questions I just need help as I don't know how to keep dealing with this and I want to control this for my kids sakes and mine if we are to stay a family.

thanks

Darkness


10/24/2010 07:01 PM
Imnoangel
Imnoangel  
Posts: 1981
Senior Member

My husband is on meds. He was manic tonite, but for about an hour. He used to get manic, pick a fight, take off, be gone 3-5 days and come back in a severe suicidal depression. So, yes.. they do get WAY less. Meds don't STOP them. I think if they wanted them stopped they may be so medicated they are like zombies and noone wants that. So, they try and get them to a happy medium where the episodes are controllable, but they are able to conduct a normal life.

My advice is to stand by him, but do not coddle him. Let him be a man and figure out the working situation. JMO there, but that's what I would do.

Living with a person with bp is not impossible. I do it every day. And meds have made a HUGE difference. Wink


10/24/2010 10:57 PM
livinginablender
livinginablender  
Posts: 13310
Group Leader

Rate and length of episodes varies. You may already know the pattern of his cycles.

Getting drunk at 2 years sober is common for recovering ppl.

The second year has been called the crazy year. The second step is about insanity. Hummm..

In the middle sounds like Heaven.

Does lying go with mania ?

Does superman have a cape.

Legal problems are a drag, and bottoms are a good thing.

I hope he has found his.

Dont cut him no slack.

Alanon ? YES.

Recovered Clergy are great ppl.

Let him drive. If he has to drive drunk again to get the lesson than so be it.

Lessons are good.

NO, you dont have to get him a job.

He did this. NOT YOU. You should not have to live his conciquences.

This is his lesson.

Dont take his opportunity to learn away from him, OR he may have to learn it again, next time...he may take someone out.

These are the hard truths.


10/25/2010 07:26 PM
Darkness
 
Posts: 16
Member

Thanks for the responses. I am trying not to give into being the nice gal, but what do you do when he is making every meal for me and stepping it up with the kids. He is trying to control his temper and does everything for me. He doesn't want to loose me and I can't hardly stand to see him suffer but I will for the third time. I do try and live a private life and I haven't told my boss about any of this as I fear she will label him and treat him differently if I do. I don't want sympathy and I go to work to forget sometimes. I live in a small town so you know how that goes. Am I being to concerned about what others think?? Probably yes, but that is just me and how I make it through all this. I haven't shared with anyone that he had a second or third DUI except his family and mine. Some things I feel are private. I'm hoping I can use this discussion board as a sounding for my feelings so I don't explode. He also talked to his Attorney who said if he has 30 day inpt treatment for alcohol it would maybe help to drop his felony charge to Misdemeanor or maybe it wouldn't. Sorry but my daughter had a major medical issue two years ago and financially we are struggling. Especially if he ends up in jail for a year max is the possibly sentence finances will be a struggle. I do want him to do AA - He says it makes him more depressed when he leaves, so I don't know how to inforce that. Thanks Again for your thoughts...

10/25/2010 07:31 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

Darkness

One day you will see that none of that really changes anything. His nice making meals thing .. He has a history of serious alcoholism and relapse. The possible jail time and the refusal to go to AA? does not bode well for the future of your relationship. You are not going to be able to save this guy. He has to do it for himself, and your codependence (and trust me, at this point you are) will not help. Go to al anon, even if he won't go to AA. Get help for yourself. I do not say these things to insult you. It is just a kind of reality check. You cannot enforce anything at all. Let that idea go, and take a new kind of action.


10/25/2010 07:35 PM
marriedtoit
marriedtoit  
Posts: 11207
VIP Member

Darkness, absolutely use this as a sounding board. Many of us try to help, when sometimes people just want support, so just take what is valuable to you, ignore the rest, and assume everyone means well. And we are all very different in how much we share with others and how many others we share it with. You have to do what you feel comfortable with. I remember months ago, someone was telling me I needed to tell anyone and everyone my husband was bipolar, or I was helping keep the stigma on mental illness in place. Uh, no. I work in a very competitive and sometimes ruthless workplace and while most of my colleagues would be wonderfully supportive, a few would find ways to exploit that fact to their own advantage and my disadvantage. So, no. I am very selective about who I tell at work.

10/25/2010 08:13 PM
rch
Posts: 2639
Senior Member

support .... help .. I think it is not always easy to tell one from the other. I think anyone here is really good at deciding what they need to hear and tossing out the rest. That is the nature of people, anyway. I hope and trust you do that, too, darkness.
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