Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

I mean really. Why do they gotta do this bullshit :

WHY do they want us to chase them ?

I think because even though they seem to love theirself and only theirself so much they really need to know someone is there. And yes chasing them means they are running. But in those cycles they have to know someone is there chasing trying to save them. Somewhere deep inside they know they have to be saved and it offers them that bit of comfort to know someone will. Problem is they can't always make theirself quit running.

I agree with Di. In the past I had chased mine hourly at LEAST. Until one day I got tired and figured there was no use and he came crawling back. They live for that attention. I think a big part of it is low self esteem. They need to do it to prove that you are lower than them. When mine decides to leave he always get narccisistic and I HATEEEE it. He talks down to me like im crap under his shoe. Right now im trying the no-contact approach..which means NO CHASING at all..and a piece of me wonders if he will come back like always or get bored and try to find someone else to chase him.

Im just overly bitter right now because mine left 3 days ago and the wounds are very fresh.

It just seems that when you pull back, that's when they really realize that the game is over. It is an exhausting existance to always have to keep tabs on your own SO. But the minute you let him go, as in my case, he ends up in the hospital. But then again, could I have prevented him from getting lymphitis in his legs? No. He never listens to me when I tell him to go to bed. Bottom line, you can't control them, they do what they want. You can live your life, let them know what you are up to and if they care to join you, here's what's up. Sooner or later, they see that life goes on without them and hopefully will come back.

One time when my hubby had been off on one of his runs, he'd come back home, he asked me why I didn't come after him.

I told him that I'm 37 and I don't chase men. Men chase me.

I think he got my point.

My opinion of the running off and chasing after them is pretty simple... don't. Either they will come back or they won't. Don't waste your time and your gas money running after a moving bus.

No, we dont chase them. I wanna know WHY they want us to do that.

Where are the BP ppl....maybe they can shed some light on this.

Has anyone ever asked their SO or someone else WHY ?

I haven't asked him that specifically. I think it's their heart that wants to be chased, to feel loved, to feel like we still love them and want them back. Maybe they are afraid to come back or approach us unless we make the feel wanted... Just brainstorming here.

It would be very nice to hear from some of our bp friends.

From what I've heard, I think you nailed it Angel. I think it's the attention they crave, raising the bar when they don't get enough, and then caving when you don't seem to care anymore. It's like any dating relationship, someone is chasing, someone is acting aloof, you don't want them to think you care too much or they'll have the upper hand. It seems like everyone is trying to control everything and everyone, especially in a bp relationship. It gets very crazy, so I guess it's up to us not to even engage in the chase.

Asking why people with bp do what they do is kind of like asking why a tornado wiped out an entire town. There's no explaining it, it just happens. It hurts, it's devastating, but people can eventually recover and make choices--stay where they're at and hope for the best, or move to a place where there aren't any "tornados".

I do think there are reasons they do what they do. My ex used to tell me why he did these things. It did not always make sense, except in his own mind. Typically, he said he wanted to teach me a lesson. When I asked what the lesson was? He said to make me feel sorry that I got mad at him for whatever he had done (abandon, call me a bitch, and so on). He thought I shouldn't get mad at him for anything ever if I loved him (unconditional love that is reserved for mommies to their children). So, that was his reason. And he did not feel he should be sorry for abandoning me, since I asked for it.

They do like the attention when THEY want it...lol! My s.o. likes solitude and will completely ignore any texts/calls and say they overwhelm him. So this time I haven't texted/called until this morning. I just said I was thinking about him and hoped he was taking care of himself. To my surprise he responded and briefly said how he was doing. Just by what he said I can tell he's coming back...it's good but I know that if I try communicating too much he will say he's overwhelmed and stop altogether. So yes, some do like the chase but I think, in my case anyway, that just to let them know you care & leave it at that is enough sometimes until they are completely back.

I like what angel said earlier about the chase...