Bipolar Spouses Online Support Group

hello. i am new to this group. my husband was diagnosed with bipolar a couple of years ago. these past two years have been very difficult, including multiple hospitalizations. i am looking for some words of advice on how to deal with this illness. i am having a very difficult time coping and am in a state of constant fear and anxiety waiting for the next disaster. is there hope for a "normal" life together without constant disaster after disaster. i just dont know how to live at this point and can feel myself getting very depressed as a result of all we have gone through recently. please offer any advice you have to offer on how to cope. i am still in the mind set that i feel like i am responsible for keeping him safe since at times he is unable to do that for himself. this is a huge weight on my shoulders, because it seems no matter how hard i try, i cant stop him from doing something disasterous. i cannot take the constant lying and just dont know what to believe anymore. please help!

amiey

is he on meds?

he is on meds and sees a counselor weekly

do his meds need adjusting maybe?

amiey, you are stonger then you think, it is very exhusting dealing with this. I do believe that a normal life is possible. My BPSO went 9 yrs without an episode. Hang in there, you have found a great place for support.

Amie, you might need therapy just for you. Caretaking for anyone who is seriously ill is very very draining. It is one of the first things the pdocs told me when they diagnosed my husband: Take care of you. I think one of the ways I negotiate this, that might help you, is that I have some boundaries in our world (I am using boundaries slightly different that it is usually used in the context of relationships). Because of what happened many years ago, my husband does not come near my workplace unless it is to deliver flowers for V-day or my birthday, or I know he is coming. He is stable now, and has been for months, so it is not about a fear he will suddenly become unstable and make a scene. It is that he understands how deeply I felt my work suffered when he was undiagnosed and would show up and sometimes he was full blown manic (well, now I know what to label it, then I would have said "crazy"). He knows how important my work is and because of what he put me through in the past, he wants work to feel like a "bipolar free zone." (It sometimes touches--by phone--but for every five calls he makes, I might take two when he makes them.) I wonder if you can find some space that is just yours like that? So you have some place bipolar doesn't touch?

Please ignore anything that is unhelpful. I know how hard things are for you now, and am sorry about that.

Post edited by: marriedtoit, at: 10/19/2010 07:58 PM

thanks for your posts. this is a very difficult thing to deal with. my biggest thing is wondering if it is possible to live a life not filled with so much turmoil or do you just get used to it. i just want my family safe, and this includes my husband. it sounds simple but is proving to be almost impossible for me to handle. i just dont know how to live with this and how to deal with everyday things when this is so very consuming. i feel like i have nothing left to give after dealing with this. i just hope and pray it gets better, but i just know if that is realistic or not.

I belong to a bp friends and family support group. It has been a source of great comfort and another means of much needed support. I found my group online, but you can contact your local NAMI and see if there is a group near you. My group meets weekly, but everyone is just a phone call away.

This site is perfect for the moment to moment crisis situations, venting, and overall immediate help day or night.

Counseling for yourself, I feel, is crucial. I think this lifestyle calls for professional help.

Don't think you are ever alone. There are so many people who have been right where you are and can help you get through the rough spots.

Take care of yourself, get away for the day, visit friends, do what makes you feel happy. I hope you can find some relief and remember it takes time (I've been at this for only 3 years and I still am trying to figure it out) to learn what works and what doesn't. I'm praying for moments of peace for you.